(Closed) Invited to shower but not wedding…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Rude or Not Rude? Invited to shower but not wedding

    Rude!: You just don't do that!

    Not Rude! It is common for this to be done... get over it.

  • Post # 3
    2288 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    SO rude. I would not be attending that shower. 

    Post # 4
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    That’s how I was raised. And that’s how I’m handling my own shower and wedding invites.

    You shouldn’t be invited to the shower and then not the wedding. IMO

    Post # 5
    28 posts
    • Wedding: March 2011

    are you sure you’re definitely not invited to the wedding?  it seems odd that all of your mutual friends were invited, and you were invited to the shower without a wedding invite?

    if it truly is that you weren’t invited to the wedding, then i would totally not go to the shower and find it rude – but maybe that’s just me

    Post # 6
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think it really depends on the situation. For example, my mom invited a bunch of her friends to my shower who were not invited to the wedding (we had a fairly intimate wedding out of state). She saw it as a way to share my celebration with them since they wouldn’t be able to attend the actual wedding. 

    However, if there is no reason you are not being invited to the wedding like distance, then I would find it rude.

    Post # 8
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I agree – it’s awkward to invite people to a shower and not the wedding. But I know all too well that it happens!

    Post # 9
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would double-check on not being invited. It might be an innocent slip-up.

    Post # 10
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    RUDE! “Give me a gift, but you’re not important enough to me to be at my wedding!”

    Post # 11
    1139 posts
    Bumble bee

    Yeah this is rude under ANY circumstance. Even if she is having a really small wedding.  If you chose to have a small wedding then you also sacrafice the right to have a large shower.  What Spaniel said is exactly correct.  You are telling people they aren’t really important to you… but you still want them to buy you a gift.

    Post # 12
    1368 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Is it possible it got ruined in the mail? The only reason I say this is even though we paid for hand cancelling ours still went through machines and some got ripped out of the envelope. The only reason I knew who to ressend them to is because of the numbers on the back of the RSVP card.

    Post # 13
    801 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    I think it’s really rude, unless it’s a work shower or something of that nature. I mean, inviting someone to the shower but not the wedding kind of says, “You’re not important enough to celebrate with me on the big day, but I’d still love a gift from you!” I guess it’s just kind of comes off as gift grabby to me. 

    I drew a hard line on this one. My sister and aunt wanted to invite a few family friends to the shower who were not being invited to the wedding. As much as I love them, I thought it was really inappropriate, so they didn’t get invites. 

    Post # 14
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    MY WC says if you invite them to ANYTHING before the wedding, they should get an invite as well. We kind of ran into this when we were trimming our list down. We had an engagement party and I had to remind Fiance that a few people he cut that were invited to the E-Party still had to get an invite. 

    Post # 15
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    not necessarily true ladies… I am having a destination wedding where only a few close friends and family are attending. So therefore, it was understood that my shower would include people that were not invited the ceremony.  So I say it depends on the situation and yes I will have some people at my shower who didnt RSVP for my wedding. which is fine with me. And several people voiced early on that they wanted to come to my shower bc they knew my intimate ceremony situation. So its not always rude & i would understand.. but it depends on the circumstances as to “why” you were not invited…. esp if it wasnt explained to you…. but thats just my opinion & my situation.

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