(Closed) Invited to wedding, weird text asking for rsvp…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4333 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Imean:  If you were planning to go, tell her yes. I think she mentioned the “won’t be mad part” because she thought you hadn’t replied because you didn’t want to disappoint her by saying no.

Post # 4
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Imean: Yes, I get that vibe, too. I would call her (not text) and explain, as you did here, that you did not receive a return envelope, nor was an RSVP date given. You were busy and planned to reply after your trip. Ask her when the RSVP deadline is and if she’d prefer you just call her or text her about it or send her the reply card back in an envelope with a stamp you provide (make it really obvious she goofed in the process.) 

Post # 5
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think she just wants to know!

Post # 6
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She wants you to be there — she’s just going nuts trying to round up everyone who hasn’t sent the darn card back. It’s OK that you forgot to send it because you were busy (especially if it didn’t have an RSVP by date on it!), but just call her back and say that you will definitely be there and you are excited and looking forward to it. She just needs a count and is trying to not offend anyone. You’ll get to have fun doing the same sort of personal check-ups in early 2013. 🙂

Post # 8
46375 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think she is just chasing down rsvp’s.

Her error was  that she didn’t include an envelope or indicate any other method to reply, or a date by which she needed the rsvp’s.

Your error was in not responding right away as it would be obvious that she was operating on short timelines.

Post # 9
962 posts
Busy bee

It doesn’t sound like she doesn’t want you to go. To me, it sounds like she thinks maybe you are avoiding telling her because you can’t make it, hence the “I won’t get mad.” I really wouldn’t read into that she doesn’t want you to go. Not at all. I think she was just trying to be cute. Also, super weird there was no card or date. Maybe she forgot to put your response card in the invite?

Post # 10
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You left an RSVP until 2 weeks before the event. Of course the bride is frustrated and frazzled! The caterers, bar people, rental companies, etc usually need their final numbers by that time.

Post # 11
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m guessing your invite just got missed with the RSVP addition.  She just needs to know for the count, and figures that since you didn’t send the RSVP, your answer might be no, and she is okay if that is the case, but that she does want you there, otherwise she wouldn’t have sent the invite!

Post # 12
962 posts
Busy bee

Also, I wouldn’t stress the fact that she had forgotten the envelope. I would maybe mention it in passing but not stress it. I think that part of good etiquette is making others feel at ease and that involves not highlighting their mistakes. Just maybe mention it in passing, but don’t talk about how you will get your own envelope and stamp. Sorry, but I find that unecessary. The girl messed up. Mention it in passing (“oh sorry I was confused because there wasn’t a reply envelope. We/I are/am going/not going. Can’t wait. Congrats again on your engagement. I couldn’t be happier for you.”)

Post # 14
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@Imean:  If you just told her you would go, you probably should go… otherwise you should let her know asap that you changed your mind.

Post # 15
2542 posts
Sugar bee

I could be biased because I am going through contacting non-RSVPers and it is frustrating. However, I dont really understand why people think they dont need to send an RSVP back.

Even if she forgot to put an envelope with it (very dumb on her part, but not the point), if you dont send it to her, or at least call her with an answer - how is she supposed to know if youre coming or not?

The point of RSVPs is so that you know how many meals to get, etc. So if she doesn’t know if you’re coming and it’s two weeks before, what if she gets you a meal thinking you’re coming and you dont and then she’s out $75? Or she assumes you’re not coming and then you do, and there’s not enough food for everyone?

I don’t mean to come across as harsh, just trying to point out that while people think it’s not a big deal to mail back an RSVP, it’s usually a big source of stress for a bride.

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