(Closed) Invited two people….In return they added 14

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

OMG 14 extra people! That is nuts!
I would recommend having your mother call them (since it sounds like they are from her side of the family) and explain to them that there is a size limit to your venue and you simply cannot accomodate that many people.

WHO INVITES 14 OTHER PEOPLE? I’m sorry I can’t get over that. 

Post # 4
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

You’re not getting out of this without actually having a conversation with these people.  You need to have it soon, because you don’t want them booking hotel/plane/etc for all those people!  Ask your mom for their number.  Call them up.  Tell them you are SO HAPPY that they want to attend the wedding.  Explain to them that you are flattered that they wanted to bring so many others, but that you don’t have enough space in your venue and you had only expected the two of them.  Make sure you emphasize that there is not enough room, because sometimes people can try to push it.  Just be very apologetic, thank them, and ask if you can count on only the two of them coming despite not having the other 14 come.  And that’s it.  If it causes some drama, you should pay no mind because frankly they should be thrown under a bus for inviting 16 instead of 2.  Seriously.  That’s poor etiquette for ANY party.  Do you even know the other 14???  Anyway, yeah.  Call them.  Tonight.

Post # 5
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You should ask your mom to speak with them and explain that the invitation was only for 2 guests to attend (not 16) and also explain the space constraints  of the venue to them.  Hopefully they will be understanding and gracious about it.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2009

OMG!  This is one of my worst nightmares…I’m so sorry this happened to you and I pray it doesn’t happen to me.  I’m so non-confrontational, I wouldn’t even know how to handle it…good luck, I hope you get everything straightened out.

Post # 7
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Wow. I am so shocked by this. That is just not right.

I agree with the responses above. You need to handle it fast but maybe go through your mom. Let them know you’re so happy they want to come but you really can only have so many guests. We also had a few relatives that from my husband’s side (he hasnt seen them in 25 years) that invited themselves to our wedding. Luckily my Mother-In-Law took care of it.

Post # 8
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

14 people that is shocking, not to mention awfully presumptious!  I agree with the others, ask your mom to call and explain the situation. I hope they are polite about it.  Let us know how it turns out.

Post # 9
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Who does that kind of thing?  Did they give names or reason for the insane number?  Maybe they just have a sick sense of humor and wanted to get your attention. 

Post # 10
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with the other posters that you or your mom need to call them ASAP! 

I don’t know the layout of your RSVP, but if you didn’t put the actually number that was invited, then they might not know.  It’s easy for us b/c we read so much on etiquette and everything.  It’s still not right for them to invite 14 extra people, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn’t know any better.

It’s too late for this now, but I’m hoping how we did our RSVPs will eliminate this problem.We had it like this.

  (  ) Accepts with pleasure

        __ out of __ attending (I wrote in the # invited on the 2nd blank)

  (  ) Declines with regret

I had a feeling that what happened to you would happen to me!  Our invites just went out today, so we’ll see how many write over what I put down!

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I didn’t what hbowar did and put an ___ out of ____ attending, but someone CHANGED IT!  I invited 2 they are bringing 8.  My mom told them they could.  I was good with them bringing their grandkids (so my nephews have kids to play with) but not the whole family and their dates!  I’m stuck because I was okay with a few more, but when I saw that my poor heart skipped a beat.

I agree with the others have said, talk to them, tell them there’s just no room.

Post # 12
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I cannot believe someone actually did this!! If this were one or two extra people, it might be a little bit more difficult situation, but since it was such a BIG number of extra people and they were SO RUDE to add more, I think you can just call them and say "I’m sorry, only ____ and ____ were invited. Will they be coming?" They should have known better.

Post # 13
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with the other posters, you really do need to speak to them about this. My other question is this: Are the 14 people that didn’t get invited that the other family members felt should have been and that’s why they are including them on their rsvp?

Post # 14
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

One option is to put their money where their mouth is, let them know the cost per person of the wedding and ask them if they are willing to contribute to the budget accordingly, meaning PAY FOR THE EXTRA 14 PEOPLE, themselves.

Keep it simple as in we were planning on having you two, are happy to have 14 extra, just need help with budget planning.

 Rude –  this calls for my favorite word – Outrageous!!! 

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Agree with the previous posters.  I know it’s awkward, but try not to feel that way, it’s their error, not yours.  You or mom needs to do it right away, as Mighty said.  They could be making recervations or something.  Even if they are in town, they might be buying a nice dress or just plain old "getting excited" about coming….

Post # 16
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

And here I am in agreement wit other posters.  Just politely call and say how excited you are that they are able to come and flattered that everyone else is as well, but unfortunately your veunue is for a specific amount AND you were only expecting two of them NOT 14!!!!!  Call ASAP if you haven’t.

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