(Closed) invites

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Hi date twin!

Is it possible to have an informal hors d’ouvres or dessert reception following the wedding, and maybe have an intimate dinner with family the day before or after?  There are a lot of ways to bring down the cost of a reception if you forego the traditional full dinner and cocktails format.

Post # 5
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@mrsaponte: I think it might be simpler to have a formal dinner for your rehearsal with those that are in the wedding party and/or immediate family.  Then, on your wedding day have dessert and drinks of your choosing along with the DJ. 

EDIT:  I just saw your most recent posting after mine.  Have you already committed (signed a contract)?  Could you move the date to the rehearsal? 

Post # 6
3267 posts
Sugar bee


First consider the purpose of the reception, which is to thank your guests from coming and sharing your special day.

That in mind good etiquette requires that you receive those people after the wedding.  This can be cake and punch in the ceremony site.  Following this, you can have a seperate function of a formal dinner for family only.

Ther is no polite way to let your guests know that they cannot come for dinner, but are good enough to come to the free dancing afterwards.  Etiquette does not support A and B lists, which this is.  All guests must be treated equally.

Post # 7
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

If I were you, I’d just scale down to hors d’eouvres or dessert, like other PPs have said.  That way, you have enough for everyone to come.  There really is no good way to say, “You can’t come to dinner, but you can come dance.”  I wanted to do this, myself, because I can’t afford to feed all of the people we would have liked to invite.  Eventually, I just ended up cutting my guest list wayy down for the reception.  I still wish I could have all 150 there for dancing and fun, but the food bill would be redonkulous. 

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