Post # 1
My parents are paying for probably about 1/3 of the wedding (they haven’t given us an exact number yet).
My mother wants to invite some coworkers (5 couples), most of whom I have never met. My fiance and I really do not want them there as they have zero significance in our lives, and we are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves and feel that the day should be about US.
I do want to invite some family friends of my parents who I have known my entire life. Probably 8-10 couples.
We are anticipating about 150 guests (Still very early in the planning process!).
Would you suck it up and invite the coworkers because it would make your mom happy or stick to your guns? What are your thoughts on inviting people who are practically complete strangers to you because your parents want them there?
Post # 3
I went the no strangers route. I just told my parents that I didn’t want to look around the room and see faces of people I didn’t know. I have been with my SO for years so I’ve met his entire family, he has met mine. There won’t be anyone at our wedding that hasn’t spent time with us. We are also paying for most of the wedding and I explained to my mom that it wasn’t in our budget but I would put her friends on our B list if we got enough people who say they aren’t attending. I invited my parent’s friends that I grew up with but definitely no one that hasn’t spent time with both my SO and I.
Post # 4
@udlaurak: The etiquette is, that if you’re parents are paying for the Wedding, than you have to honor their request to invite some of their friends.
HOWEVER, they are not paying for the whole thing, so I say there has to be a compromise. I would stick to my guns if I were you, and explain to her that your fiancee’s side of the family has held off on inviting strangers ( to you), so she should too.
Post # 5
Thank you for the responses. Recently my father said that they would pay for these extra people and my thought was, “uhhhh, no”. That’s not really the point. We don’t want them there. We want our wedding to be small-ish and intimate and attended by those we care about!
Post # 6
I’d sit down and talk it out with your mom. Perhaps the reason that she feels strongly about inviting these people is because maybe she slipped and verbally invited them at the water cooler or something. With 150 people, you also probably won’t notice the 4-5 coworkers that attend (not to mention that there will likely be a few people that you don’t know–your friends’ dates and what have you).
This is not to say that you HAVE to invite the coworkers at all–it IS your wedding. I’m just saying hear your mom out. And having a talk will also give you the opportunity to explain your point of view as well, hopefully without fighting.
Post # 7
I was against strangers. We had a friend say that she’d pay for her bf that she had only been seeing a month, which is why he wasn’t invited, and we said no. It’s not about the money, it’s about us wanting a small wedding.
I would stick to your guns. Since you have a number set that you’d like to invite, just say that you have room for them to invite a certain amount of people, just enough for those 8-10 couples, and no more. If your venue isn’t huge you could say that there’s just no room for more.
Post # 8
@JennyW1: It isn’t just the coworkers, it is also their spouses, which would be 10 people total.
We are also going to implement a “no ring, no bring” rule as well.
We just have a vision on our minds of the size of wedding and who we want there and it doesn’t include parents’ coworkers. Heck, I’m not even inviting any of MY coworkers!!
Post # 9
Personally, I woud wait until closer to your date to make this types of definate decisions. Our guest list has been the one thing that keeps changing and we still don’t have final numbers down.
Would you consider putting this 5 couples on a “b” list…if other people you invite decline, you would invite them instead?
Post # 10
@udlaurak: Well then it sounds like you’re pretty committed to saying no. Call her up and tell her that.
Post # 11
@PinkPinstripes: Haha, if it only it were that easy. My mom gets ideas in her head about the way things should be and then gets pretty upset if things don’t go her way. I don’t want her having any delusions that these people will be invited and then get upset when I say they aren’t.
I think a B list is a good idea. Or if she wants to swap out some of the family friends for her coworkers she can.
Thanks all for the tips and ideas! I’m obviously very early in the planning process, just trying to wrap my head around things!!
Post # 12
Stick to your guns. Those 5 people might turn into “just one or two more” that were forgotten …… and it just keeps going.
Post # 13
Regardless of who is paying, random strangers don’t need to be in attendance. If the bride and groom don’t know them (or may know them but don’t want them there), there is no need whatsoever for them to be invited, even if others insist.
Post # 14
She probably wants to invite them since she was probably invited to their kids weddings. Have you asked her about why she wants them there or are you just annoyed since you haven’t met them?
150 isn’t really small and intimate in my mind, and some unknown faces won’t bother you at all the day of with everything else that’s happening around you. Almost no one gets 100% of invitees anyway, so maybe you’ll be able to add them for her afterall. Lots of things can change between now and your wedding date, so why get crazy about it so early? Explain to them your thinking and go from there. Good luck!
Post # 15
I agree, no strangers. I don’t want to be meeting anyone for the first time at my wedding. I’d explain your concerns to your mother and understand from her why its important. maybe you will feel differently after talking to her or she might understand why you don’t want them there. I don’t agree @Ugoob that if your parents are paying you have to honor their requests. Obviously regardeless of who is paying you should be respectful and try to be accomadating but I don’t think you have to do everything they ask, especially if you are uncomfortable with.
My in-laws wanted to invite a lot of their cousins, who I don’t know and Fiance hasn’t seen since he was 6. We just had to explain that its not them getting married but us and we don’t know them and that we cut a lot of other people off the list that we do know and would rather be there. I think communication is key.
Post # 16
Obviously I am not making any definite decisions, who knows what will happen between now and the time the invites get sent. Perhaps we will win the powerball? =)
I was just curious to see how other people handled similar situations.
Thanks for the responses!