(Closed) Invites out…Calls Challenging my no kids request!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So sorry to hear that! Have you considered hiring a babysitter so they can bring the kids but they won’t technically be there?

Otherwise just tell them there’s no room? It’s your day, if they can’t handle it, then they’re not worth the worry.

Post # 18
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Just take a deep breath and when they ask/complain about the policy, said (in a sympathetic tone) “I know, its tough.  We struggled with the decision too, and knew some people couldn’t make it if we did it that way, but we’ve decided to stick to the adults only.  It was the only way we could afford to do it.  I hope you understand.”  And smile, and be genuine, and put the ball in their court.  If they act like idiots, its on them.

Congrats on 15 years!

Post # 19
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just the kids alone at our wedding is going to cost like 500 bucks for dinner. That’s not including desserts or drinks/soda/juice. Our budget is under 5k for the whole thing so I totally understand 1) costwise and 2) adult night out! It’s quite annoying when people are like this.

Post # 20
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Oh ok… so your wants/wishes are not important because it’s “just a party”? Umm no! I’m not sure if they were trying to be rude or not… but it came out that way! If it’s your wedding OR vow renewals OR “just a party” you still get to control the guest list. I would stick to my guns and tell them to either find a babysitter or stay at home. It’s that simple people, if you can’t bare leaving your kids for a few hours… stay home 🙂

Post # 21
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Shappy, I will be maing this same request as you at my wedding! When my man showed the draft of the guesstlist to his mom to see if there was any more family she wanted to invite, she was all like “oh I know it’s adults only, but you have to invite (his niece and nephew)!” I can tell it’s going to be a battle already, and there’s still 8 months to go.

Post # 22
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell them too bad so sad….in a more polite way. Stick to your guns. If they can’t arrange something with the advance warning then too bad for them. Do these parents ever have a date night? Don’t they find a sitter for that?

Post # 23
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

So sorry you are going through this. I can’t believe they are challenging this. Your invite sounded more than clear and in a nice way!!!

Stay consistent…hope the calls stop!!!

Post # 24
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Think of it this way….they can’t come..more room to invite your friends who want to be there!

Stick to your guns girl 🙂

Post # 25
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry, people cannot comprehend that the world does not revolve around their children.  I have never thought to call and question a hostess unless is it what can I help with.

Post # 26
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

View original reply
@15happyyears: Do you mean how much we “saved” by not having kids or how many people didn’t show?

I only lost one person but it was pretty crappy because she was a family member. I found out later that during the whole planning process my husband’s grandfather kept complaining about what they were going to do about the baby. I am so glad he didn’t tell me that. I knew she was irked but I didn’t know that more of the family was involved.

Here was my feeling “If you can get a babysitter to go out to a movie, you can get a babysitter for my WEDDING”  and also…as snippy as it sounds “It is not my fault that you have kids and it is not my responsiblty to worry about everyone being able to find childcare”  Like I said…if you can (and I KNOW you DO) get a babysitter for a night out, they they why the heck is this an issue?  I also didn’t have anyone flying in from outta town with kids…I know that makes it a little harder.

Post # 27
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@15happyyears: Sheesh! They’ll do anything to justify having their own kids there, including interrogating you about other guests, the age of the youngest guests (“well my kid is only 3 years younger!”), all the while blind to the fact that you sent them a specific invitation for two adults, which should be all there is to it. Don’t feed the fire, don’t give in to their questions. It is none of their business. All they need to know is on the invitation, period. 

Post # 28
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sure I’ll deal with the same thing.  We’re sending our invites out next week, and we’re specifying on the RSVP card how many seats are being reserved per invite and also noting that it’s an ‘adult only’ ceremony and reception.  I’ve told some of my friends and family members in hopes that the word would spread before the invites go out, but I’m sure there will be someone who calls to question. Not to mention my friend, whose baby will be 6 mos old at the time of the wedding, keeps insisting that my wedding has to be her baby’s “first” wedding…huh?  She won’t even know where she is!!  I might also add that this same friend had absolutely no kids at her wedding…her own nieces and nephews weren’t even there. 

Anyway, both my Fiance and I come from big families, so I’m certain “someone” will be offended that ‘Cousin So and So’ was invited, but not ‘Uncle So and So’.  *sigh* Not looking forward to this, but we have our reasons for doing it this way. If people don’t understand, then they can just stay home!  Sorry.

Post # 29
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

“Sorry, but we’re unable to accommodate children.  We’ll understand if you can’t attend without them, and we’ll miss you.”

You really don’t owe anybody an explanation about budget, venue capacity, etc. and by refusing to give one, you pre-empt the “I’ll pay for their meals” and other ways people will challenge you.

Post # 30
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have two children and NEVER take them to weddings, or any adult parties, I find a sitter or don’t go, it’s that simple.  But some people just dont get it and I understand your frustration.  My whole family gets it now cause we’ve been thru this with them before (my mom and sister have at least) so they know we are not okay with them bringing all their kids.  Who wants children running around unsupervised while their parents mingle?  Also if you’re paying for an open bar, I expect for the adults to come and enjoy it not run after their children or leave early.

UGH I’m going thru this right now with my FI’s family, they don’t seem to get it.  One cousin insists that she’s bringing her 2 yr old even though she’s been told it’s adults only.  She feels cause her cousin’s daughter is going she should be able to bring her kid.  UM Yes the other girl is the flower girl, duh she’s gonna be there!!!  ugh

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