(Closed) invites think kids are ok, but we dont want kids there!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Best way is with a phone call saying that you’re excited they’re coming, but because of space (or whatnot) you’ve decided that no kids are allowed.

What a lot of friends have done that have Out of Town with kids, they will hire a couple of friends or people they know to watch kids, so that you can let them know that local babysitting is provided with people you trust, etc.

Post # 4
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, you kind of dug yourself a hole with that.

If the new baby will be a nursing infant, then traditionally it’s rude to not allow them since they need to be fed every couple of hours.  A baby takes up no table room and doesn’t eat, so they don’t impose on the budget either.  They also sleep most of the time, so it’s not like they’ll be wailing during your ceremony.  And if they did start to cry, the mother would probably leave the area.

For out of town guests, it’s rude not to invite their children if you don’t provide them with an alternative.  So if you want the wedding and reception adult only, you should provide a babysitter for Out of Town guests.  Have everyone bring their kids to (hotel, mom’s house, wherever) and leave them with a sitter.  Otherwise, you’re really not even giving them the choice to attend the wedding anyway.

The fact that you didn’t stop her and say “We weren’t expecting you to bring little Jimmy to the wedding…” kind of mucks it up a bit too.  Did your invites say “Adult only reception” anywhere?  Did you somehow imply that kids would not be invited?  You may need to double check with all your guests with children, because they will probably be inviting them as well.  Again, it’s not as big a deal for local guests as for Out of Town guests.  It’s not like you can leave your two year old at a kennel.

If you are deadset against kids, then you’ll have to call her and tell her that.  They will probably have to decline to come.  Just be prepared for their response and be very understanding about their situation.

Post # 5
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would call them asap so they know what’s up before they start making travel arrangements. Don’t worry about having a no-kids wedding when there are Out of Town guests with kids. If you’re able to help set up something for the kids, that’s great! ALL of my guests are Out of Town and so I talked with my venue and they are having one of their babysitters hang out in the playroom downstairs with any children who are around. I was told that I am bending over backwards for my guests by doing this. I think it’s nice to have something on a wedding website or going around by word of mouth that you found so-and-so who can babysit and this is how to contact her. With babies that young, it’s sad, but you just have to accept that your friends won’t be able to make it.

Post # 6
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Someone else on here got totally bent out of shape because she wasn’t invited to a wedding but her husband was. Everyone agreed with her. If it’s rude not to invite an adult wife (who can fend for herself) then it’s 10 times as rude not to invite a nursing infant who absolutely cannot be left at home. If guests are from Out of Town then you must offer a babysitter if you don’t want kids at the wedding. Get a good recommendation from someone local – no one will want to leave their kids with a unknown stranger, but will probably be okay if they come recommended.

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