- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I have an ongoing sticky situations with weddings and where I work… and now I’m engaged and I hope this lack of etiquette isn’t a sign of how things will go with at my wedding…
My Fiance and I work at the same place. We started here as graduate students and have stayed here since graduating. We’re scientists so we work in different lab groups but at the same overall facility. Because we went through graduate school here too we have many friends here. Most people here spend time together socially as well.
At the beginning of the summer, one of my Fiance coworkers got married (aka bride#1). She intended to invite her entire lab. Her approach was to put an invitation on their bulletin board and then verbally tell them they were all invited.
When my Fiance came home with this news, I immediately said “ok, well am I invited?”. At the time we weren’t engaged but living together so I just had no clue! She had told the lab group that she was trying to save money on invites by not sending them out to them. I know this girl because of the Fiance and other mutual friends but we were not close friends in any way. I was so confused.
Eventually, I asked some mutual friends for the low down and found out that she did, in fact, plan on including me and everyone else’s SO.
Then it came time to make a decision about attending. The wedding was 4 hours away on a holiday weekend. Eventually my Fiance and I decided not to attend. The driving, hotel expense and needing a dog sitter on a holiday were just too hectic. We were both very busy at our jobs and honestly just wanted to stay home. Problem is, once we came to this decision we didn’t have a neat little RSVP card to check “decline with regret” and mail away. Instead, the Fiance had to tell her at work we couldn’t attend.
Unfortunately, she immediately asked him why we couldn’t come. He sort of listed everything above (which telling someone its too expensive never goes well, he really shouldn’t have said that!) and she said we should still come. Then for weeks, everyone kept telling us we should still come to the wedding. It was ridiculous. It was nice everyone wanted us to come but its also annoying to be hounded about it. Then, at another point, people were saying we weren’t coming because our best friends (another couple here) were going to be on vacation and wouldn’t be attending. Basically, that we can’t go anywhere without them. As time wore on I just wanted to scream “if you wanted us to come so badly why didn’t you send us a real invitation”.
Fast forward to now. We’ got engaged a couple weeks after her wedding. Now another girl from their lab group is getting married (aka bride #2)Halloween weekend about 4 hours away. We plan on attending. My Fiance and I are close to this girl and her Fiance, we go on double dates and such. His other coworkers and bride #1 are already “surprised” we’ll make it to this wedding because its 4 hours away on a holiday. haha.
The weird thing about this upcoming wedding is our best friends (from above) were invited. We were excited but, I didn’t think they were close to this bride, in fact, I thought they were only really mutual friends through us. Now, I hear through the grapevine that bride #1 told bride #2 that we wouldn’t come to the wedding without this other couple!!!!
We’re not going to get married for a year but I’m already thoroughly annoyed at the drama that gets stirred up within my Fiance lab group! And I’m really sad if bride #2 actually thinks we’d only attend if our best friends were invited. I’m not sure if I should say something to bride #2. I really like her and so does my Fiance. I’m very excited for their wedding. I really hope she doesn’t think we’d only attend depending on the other invitees!
I also plan on sending STD and invites specifically to each coworker at their home address. I am not going to pass invites out at work or but them on a bulletin board. I don’t care how many extra stamps it costs me.
Do you think I should say something to bride #1? How would you deal with all this? There are more weddings on the horizon too and I just want to know how to stop all this banter!