Post # 1
I am friends with an ex couple, both of whom I plan to invite to my upcoming wedding. But is it OK for me to ask one of them to be IN my wedding?
Specifically, I’ve always been very close to the male (he’s my oldest friend) but more recently close to the female. I’ve moved frequently, so my friendships with both have not been geographically close for over ten years. They are more friendships in spirit and via old fashioned phone call catchups (rare).
They broke up about ten years ago, are both married since, and she has kids. The breakup was somewhat acrimonious. Truthfully, they were just young and dumb. I’d like, however, to ask her to be in my wedding as one of my three bridesmaids (my sister is my MOH).
Here’s where I’m not sure if that will be insensitive: I met her through her ex (my male friend), and she and I were not particularly close when they dated or broke up. It is only in years recent, when she called to lean on me for confidance and support during a personal struggle she felt only I could relate to, that we became genuine friends.
I’m not sure he will be all that surprised to see her at my wedding, but he may be surprised to see her IN my wedding and, in fact, upset about it.
I should note, she is one of just two female friends I have.
Help, please, with etiquette?
Post # 2
I think that’s okay. She’s obviously close to you, and the breakup was years ago. They should be mostly over it by now, especially since they’re both married.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Easton's Beach Rotunda Ballroom
Will he be a groomsmen?
If yes, maybe don’t pair them together?
I would say talk with your guy friend first to see if he would in fact be upset. Sometimes us girls tend to overanalyze and stress over things that really don’t bother men as much as we think it will.
Two of our bridal party are exes but they remained good friends with each other post breakup so it’s not awkward at all.
Post # 4
I really don’t think we are under any obligation to get permission from our friends to include other friends in our wedding party.
Their relationship ended 10 yeas ago. My expectation would be that they will behave civilly to one another.
Post # 5
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
jennyschupp: I think it is okay. Had you said the breakup was recent, and even more so that they are not married to other people, then I would say no. But they have both obviously moved on. If they can not be around each for one day then there are serious problems.
Post # 6
My friend just did this. She had our really close male friend’s ex-GF that she’d only become friends with in the last few months (after the breakup) as her Maid/Matron of Honor. It was weird the days leading up to the wedding because the breakup was recent and right after they broke up the guy started dating another one of our friends, who is major drama. Everyone was worried about a blowout. The groom initially asked the guy friend to not bring his new Girlfriend to avoid drama but the guy brought her anyway. There was no drama whatsoever. Everyone behaved very well! Yay!
So I think they will be ok with it!