(Closed) Inviting a crush to a wedding….I am the bridesmaid!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Were you allowed to bring a date?

Personally I think it’s inappropriate as a bridesmaid to bring a "date" that you aren’t seriously involved with. The poor guy will end up sitting all by himself most of the night anyways, which will make him terribly uncomfortable, or you’ll end up coddling him all night when you should be there with your friend. 

As a bride to be, I would be really irritated if one of my bridesmaids decided to bring some guy she just has a crush on. A date is a really expensive add-on to a wedding. We’re talking like $80 a plate.

My advice….don’t bring him. It’s asking for trouble. There will be drinking, you’re sharing a room, etc. Totally weird for a first date. Don’t do it. Just go by yourself, get a hotel with the girls, and be a good bridesmaid. That’s your job, anyways! Then call him up for a date. A wedding is no place for a first date. Especially with a shared room, no matter who is sleeping where. It’s just inappropriate I think. But I’m confused, you want him to come "as a friend" but you have a crush on him? But he likes you, too? Not sure how old you are, but if you’re into him, then just do something about it. It sounds kind of high school drama to me. Either you like him or you don’t. But uh, don’t bring him to a wedding! 

Post # 4
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with <font size=”2″ color=”#81a026″>ejs4y8</font>. Being a bridesmaid it a lot of responsibility. It requires most of your time during the wedding day. I think it would be unfair to him, because he wouldn’t know anyone and would be alone. I think it would be wise to suck it up and go alone.

Post # 5
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Yeah, I agree with the others.  I tend to think a wedding tends to be a bad place for a first date kind of scenario.  If you have a crush on him, just ask him to hang out any other time.  But if you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wouldn’t bring him.  Of course, if you really wanted to, you could always just ask the bride her opinion.  Just doesn’t seem like a good idea in general – I mean, would your crush really have that much fun at a wedding of people he doesn’t know, sitting by himself at the ceremony and for dinner?  Maybe that’s just me, I’ve always disliked being a Wedding Party guest for my Fiance. 

Post # 6
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm… interesting topic.  the other posters have a good point.  Although as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I think you have earned the right to bring a date.  You’ve probably done a lot for the bride.  I feel you should feel comfortable, if having a date does that for you, then you should be able to bring one. 

I don’t think it’s kind for brides to feel like the BMs should feel "devoted" the entire day to them.  Especially one who doesn’t know other people there.  What happens come dinner and dancing?  Pictures are done…getting ready is done…. ceremony done….emotions and nerves under control…. now it’s time to have a good time and cut loose. 

However, I do agree that you need to consider whether or not this will be a good time for him.  Unfortunately it’s three hours away.  (Not as easy to just meet you at the reception…)  How is the timeline for that day?  Will he be spending much time by himself?  You said you don’t know other guests.  Anyone?  Another guy for him to bum around with?  Is the location a place where he might enjoy something during the day, while he’s waiting around?  Free tours at a local brewery?  Hiking trails? 

I also think that if inviting him requires you to share a room, that’s asking for trouble.  I’m thinking you might find this to be a good excuse to spark a relationship with this guy.  (Makings for a cute movie, right?)  You can put on a good front that he’s doing you a favor because you won’t know anyone, but really you are hoping for something more.  A three hour car drive…both ways…dancing…romantic wedding. Am I right?  Nothing is wrong with wanting to date him.  This might be a good oportunity.  But try to think it all out objectively, first.  It might make a wrong impression to be so bold as  to ask he go to this wedding as friend, but then suggest one hotel room.  Also, he might initally be excited to start something up with you, but being a "first date", he might get annoyed if you can’t spend that much time with him.  (Sorry if I read this wrong.)

Also, with all of this excitement, make sure you aren’t losing focus of the day.  You don’t want to flake out on your bride.

My opinion is if you are allowed to bring a date, and it’s feasible that your date won’t have to spend too much time alone. (Or if he knows ahead of time how the day will be and is OK with that), then it would be fine to invite him.  

And let us know how it all works out!

Post # 7
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think that it is a big deal or inappropriate for you to bring a date (if you are allowed to bring a guest).  But I don’t think its a great idea to bring a crush/first date to the wedding.  It could go poorly and your focus will be on how your date is going rather than being a good friend/BM.

On the bright side, you will probably be pretty busy at the wedding (and beforehand) so you will likely not notice your datelessness if you don’t bring him!

Post # 9
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I think you should check with the BRIDE about whether you can bring a guest or not.  It’s not her FMIL’s place to tell you, unless she’s in charge of the guest list, which I doubt.  I think it’s inappropriate to bring random people to a wedding, whether you’re allowed a guest or not.  It’s one thing to bring a date or the person you’re seeing, and a completely different thing to bring a random friend who doesn’t know the bride and groom.  It’s their day, and they should be surrounded by their friends and family, not the people their guests wanted to have tag along.

Post # 10
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think it’s a big deal either.  Bring him, but let him know your duties of the day ok?  Have fun.  Keep things light n airy..and if they work out..GREAT!

Post # 11
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

So what do (or will the invitations say)?  Guest or no guest?  Or you could ask the bride ahead of time.  See I think if the invitation says and guest, the invitee should be free to bring someone, regardless of whether or not this is a serious, quasi-serious, or first date kind of relationship.  I think even people bringing first dates, or friends, is usually meaningful to them.  Most of those people are going to feel more comfortable at the wedding.  They’ll have someone to dance with or chum around with.  And this can be helpful even for people who do know others at the wedding.  They’ll still have someone to be with, while all of their other relatives are on the dance floor.  Not to mention it will get Aunt Edith off their backs about not "having anyone at your age"….. 

While I understand if for financial reasons, a guest list needs to cut down or eliminate "and guest", if you have "and guests" and (IMO you should try) it’s about the comfort of the guest, not the randomness of the acquiantence to the bride and groom.  I just feel "and guest" shouldn’t mean "and guest, but only if they know the bride and groom, otherwise is strictly prohibited without the written consent and authorization by bride and groom prior to wedding, in meeting strict admittance criteria to avoid rascals and freeloaders."

 

Post # 12
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it’s quite inappropriate to bring a random guy (or a friend) as a date to a wedding where you are a bridesmaid. Your attention should be on the bride. I think that it would only be appropriate to bring a guest if you are in a long-term relationship with someone and they also know other guests at the wedding, so they would have someone to hang out with.

Post # 13
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Nothing to add, but I feel like I need a translator to read your post LOL  Sorry if that sounded mean, I don’t mean for it to be

Post # 14
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I can really see both sides. A few of my friends are bringing "dates" who aren’t their significant others to my wedding. I don’t want random strangers there. But if it makes my friends happier, I’m going to deal with it, privately, quietly, and nicely. 

But you do have a right to bring a date to the wedding if you’re allowed a guest. Furthermore, I think that everyone in the wedding party deserves a +1.

Just make your guest aware of your responsibilities and go have a good time. If he feels weird about going — possibly because of how it will appear, people asking if you are a couple, etc, or because he won’t know other guests, go alone and do something else with him. 

Post # 15
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you are invited with a guest you should be able to bring whoever you want, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, daughter, etc. 

However, bringing a friend/potential boyfriend to a wedding could be very uncomfortable. You have to be comfortable with the friend and he/she has to be comfortable with the fact that they will be alone for portions of the time. 

As a bride, I don’t think my bridesmaids need to have all their attention on me. At that point, what’s there to do but have a good time? 

Though I did tell my 11 year old junior bridesmaids/nieces, I expect them to hold my dress while I pee like 27 dresses! And we have trained them to say whatever you want, you’re the bride! Ha!

Post # 16
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would leave him home-mostly because with you running around doing bridesmaid duties he may be bored to tears.

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