Post # 1
I have a friend that I was a bridesmaid. We were not best friends back then, but would text each other time to time. She asked me to be her bridesmaid and I somehow accepted it. During my trip to her city to attend the wedding, I did not have a good time. She was being a bridezilla and while she tried not to show that, I felt that she was rude quite a few times. Also, I had a strong inclination that I was a backup bridesmaid. Not only was I asked to be a bridesmaid 2,3 months before the wedding, the dress she got me was way too big and long. One of her sisters could not attend the wedding suddenly because she got pregnant and was going though difficulties (nausea etc) and the dress I was wearing would have fit her. I did not pay for the dress since she paid for all the bridesmaids, but the whole day, I was not able to walk around well because the dress was too long. There are other things that made me upset, but I forgot about all that now. I was upset at myself for agreeing to be a bridesmaid when in fact we are not the closest friends. That was the first wedding I was invited to so I didn’t know anything. I must have been upset for quite some time and after I returned to my city, I cut contact with her. This was over three years ago. She has been trying to get a hold of me and emailing me a few times for the first two years. I did not return her emails. The last email she sent was last year and ever since she stopped emailing me. Fast forward now. I am planning my wedding and I am finalizing a list of people I want to invite. I don’t know if I can or should invite her but I feel really guilty about not inviting her. In the end I was in her wedding party regardless of what happened. If she finds out that I didn’t invite her to my wedding, she will be hurt and upset. At the same time, even if I have to invite, I don’t know where to start since I went silent on her for the past 3,4 years. Bees, I know it is my fault. I should not have treated her like this. I thought I was really upset for the longest time, but now I have forgotten about it all. I don’t know what to do about the whole situation…
Post # 2
It sounds like you’re feeling guilty about the way your friendship with her ended. I am getting the sense that this friendship is over, though, which is okay. I don’t see a need to invite her. There’s an old, unwritten rule that if someone invites you to their wedding you’re supposed to invite them to yours, but I don’t follow that. I think you should invite people to your wedding that you want to see on your wedding day, not the people you feel obligated to invite because you were in their wedding years ago, but have since lost contact with.
Given that it sounds like you two aren’t in touch, it might be weird for her to receive a wedding invitation out of the blue. I think it’s okay to let this one go and not invite her. What happened, happened but it’s in the past now.
Post # 3
It sounds like you aren’t friends anymore at all, so why should you invite her?
Personally, I drifted apart from several of my bridesmaids after the wedding. One of them was my college room mate. She got married a few years after I did, and I wasn’t even invited, let alone a bridesmaid. I was a little bummed about it, but honeslty it made sense. She has other friends now and so do I. People move on.
Post # 4
If my friend stopped speaking to me entirely for years, including ignoring me every time I attempted to reach out, I’d laugh my ass off to be invited to said friend’s’ wedding. I’d very much assume it was a gift grab – why the hell would she suddenly want me there when she couldn’t be bothered to even speak to me? I wouldn’t attend for certain. Don’t invite her, you burned that friendship to the ground at least a year ago. You may feel guilty about it but you don’t get to have her back for your wedding. If you want to appease the guilt, send her a letter or email and tell her you’re sorry for the way you let things go, but it should have nothing to do with the fact that you’re getting married.
Post # 5
If I was ghosted from a friend despite trying to reach out, I would be really upset and insulted I received an invitation to their wedding, years after we last talked. Let it go.
Post # 6
You are free not to invite even being in her wedding does not entitle her a guest spot. However, if you want to reopen the relatonship and maybe even apologize why not use the wedding as way of doing that. Sometimes we need something like this – at least the romantic in me.
Post # 7
Do you want to continue the friendship? If so, invite her. If not, don’t.
I invited friends that I had barely kept in contact with, but that was because I moved cities a few times and just got busy with my own personal drama, and at a few points I had really serious depression and talked to nobody but DH and family.
The thing is though, I want to remain friends with these girls. We might not see each other often, our communication might be spotty, but I still value their friendship and I have great fun when we do get together.
It sounds like you and this girl were never really good friends anyway, and the friendship has all but ended since her wedding. Given the circumstances I’m assuming you’re not looking to continue the friendship, in which case you have no reason to invite her.
Post # 8
“The last email she sent was last year and ever since she stopped emailing me.
” — This is good, right? Why open it back up now? It’s good that you’re no longer mad and festering, but that doesn’t mean you need to try to rekindle something that wasn’t even that great to start out with. Plus as others have mentioned, she might not want to start the friendship back up at this point. And it could definitely look like a gift-grab. I’d let it go. You’re allowed to stop being friends with people. It’s not like you’re trash-talking behind her back. You haven’t been friends for over a year, there’s no reason to invite her to your wedding.