(Closed) Inviting boyfriends and girlfriends

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

the proper etiquette is only married couples, engaged or living together.

I am only giving +1’s to people who i have met there SO.

Post # 4
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re inviting only married, engaged or living together for the same reason- some of my cousins have gf’s of only a few months or on again/offagain…I personally just don’t want to spend a fortune on photos and have them in it.

I’m having a tough time figuring this out for my coworkers….ugh.

Post # 5
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re going with our close friends and family plus whomever they bring. We are paying for everything ourselves and want a small wedding, but I’ve been to a wedding alone and had a HORRIBLE time. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. To make sure we can hadle that, we’re cutting corners on other things and I’m DIYing everything.

Post # 6
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Guest lists are so frustrating!  You set a rule and stick to it.  You really should invite anyone who is married, engaged or living together as a pair.  Other than that, it is up to you.  You could say only couples that have been together for a year or longer, but be prepared to enforce that.  If anyone notices exceptions to the rule, they may be upset (but that is inevitable!).  Or you could say no +1 unless they are living together, engaged or married.  You may also need to consider if they know anyone else at the wedding or if they are coming in from out of town – it is possible they may leave early or not come at all in this case.  Look at your numbers and see how a certain cut-off changes things and you will be able to tell where the appropriate “line” is for you.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is tricky.  I’d say yes to the cousin… dating someone for a few years is committed IMO.  The nephew… a few months usually isn’t very serious.  On the other hand, if you start making judgment calls like this you could make people upset, so it might be better to just set a rule and stick to it.

Do your guests have to travel for your wedding?  If so, I’d be more inclined to give them guests.

Post # 8
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

For family members, especially, since they’ll be there with their family, they don’t necessarily need a +1.

Post # 9
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My wedding is 2 1/2hours from my home, so yes, everyone must travel.

Post # 10
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would say set your rule and stick to it! We are only giving +1s to our bridal party who might be single and then to people who are married, engaged or have been in a relationship for a while AND we have met the person!

Post # 11
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, I would just invite the dates to keep the peace.  Clearly both guys want to bring their girlfriends and would probably not be thrilled if you tell them their dates aren’t invited.  I know this is tough on a tight budget, but I would figure out a way to make it work.

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I honestly can’t believe the number of people who don’t invite guests, or only invite if they’re in a “serious” relationship.  I skipped a close relative’s wedding last fall because my boyfriend was deploying just days later and wasn’t invited (because he was only my boyfriend and we’d only been together six months and that wasn’t “committed enough”).  And guess what?  I married him six weeks after he got back.  It infuriates me that people make the excuse “Oh, we’re only inviting +1’s if they’re living together, engaged, or married.”  I guess my point is, you really have no idea what the level of commitment between your guests and their SO’s is and to assume is fairly rude.

Now that we’re planning our formal wedding, that was our ONE rule – everyone gets to bring a guest.  So what if I haven’t met them?  I haven’t met most of his family/friends that are coming and they’re invited.  Makes no sense to me.

Post # 13
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

Stick with it – personally, I despise being a plus one if I’ve never met the couple, I always feel like an intruder eating their food! (on the plus side, I try to give a really nice gift to assuage my guilt!) She shouldn’t make a fuss and your cousing will be with his family.

Post # 14
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Man, I wish we could give everybody a plus one! But alas, our venue holds 85 people and I’d rather not have to choose between my cousin and that dude my friend has been dating for two months that I haven’t met. I’m already having to do this with members of my FAMILY.
We don’t really have a set rule per se. Our bridal party gets a plus one, except for my Maid/Matron of Honor who isn’t dating anyone and whose family will be in attendance. I’m giving a plus one to the members of our bridal party from out of state, and my dear friend from college who doesn’t know anyone else.

Post # 15
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Honestly, we think proper wedding etiquette is silly, so we invited everyone to bring an SO.

Big mistake.

At least four of those couples broke up shortly thereafter, and we have signatures of people we never met (but for two seconds, at the wedding) and a lot of pics of people whose name we don’t remember. :/ Un-fun.

Post # 16
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

I hate the “married, engaged or living together” rule. I prefer the commited relationship rule. We viewed commited relationship as anyone that we had met at holidays or other family occasions. My fiance and I had been together since high school, so 8 years prior to getting engaged and 9 until we lived together. I would have been pretty peeved if as 24 year olds, being in a relationship for quite some time, I got cut from a wedding because of a rule (and yes, that has happened). We also allowed guests travelling alone from far away to have a guest/ travel buddy just as a courtesy.

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