(Closed) Inviting bridesmaid’s enemy to wedding???

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Oooo that is a tough one.  Is there a way you can adapt a “no guest” policy for your wedding?  Where you can invite your cousin, but he doesn’t get a guest?  But that would have to be for everyone you invite…. 

Have you talked to your friend about this?  Maybe she can be adult about it and ignore her?  Or maybe talk to your cousin about it?  See what he thinks?  Does he have any relationship with his and your BM’s child?

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to have a frank talk with each of them. Let them all know that you can’t imagine your wedding day without any of them there, and that you hope that they can all act as adults, stay away from each other, and not make the day about their drama.

Can you put them on complete opposite sides of the room at the reception?

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is it just the cousin’s girlfriend being there that would bother your friend? Because if it were me, I wouldn’t want to have to see the cousin, period! LOL

As for advice, well I’m no help there!! sorry! Undecided

Post # 6
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, I have to add that I was sort of part of something like this before. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where my ex and I introduced the bride and groom. He was a groomsman. Both my ex and I were with different people, and we both eventually married the people we were with, but my ex didn’t want us to break up, and still sort of had a thing for me. Both my parents and his parents were invited to the wedding also, so can we say, awkward??

The bride ended up putting us all on opposite sides of the room, and I was very cordial to his family, and his girlfriend. Unfortunately, his girlfriend wasn’t as nice to me, but the day wasn’t about me…it was about my good friend. Most adults will put their differences aside for the couple on the day of the wedding, and I hope your cousin and Bridesmaid or Best Man can do that for you as well.

Post # 9
Member
7493 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She needs to be the bigger person and just put the bad feeligs aside for one day.  I had to go to a funeral where my ex-husband was there and so was the woman he cheated with.  There was no drama.  Did I love seeing them?  No- but it wasn’t about me, or them that day.

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s a rough one! Well no offense but your cousin is kind of the a**hole in this situation, but he’s family so you’re stuck with him. Can you talk to him and be like look, buddy, you made this mess because you couldn’t keep it in your pants so you have to do me a favor and not bring her because it’s my wedding and I don’t need drama and BS because of you. That’s what I’d do.

Post # 11
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@eeniebeans – not the same thing at all. a funeral isn’t supposed to be fun; a wedding is.

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you are sending out the invites so for unmarried people it says ‘plus one’ I think that it is rude to not let your cousin invite his girlfriend who is the mother of his child. While I understand how hurtful it would be to your bestfriend/BM you need to have a talk with her and let her know that he is family and will be at the wedding/reception and he is allowed to bring a guest, as is she. You then should lay down the law and tell her that this is you and your FI’s special day and you don’t want any drama at the wedding and if she can’t handle that then she should think of leaving after dinner. You should tell your cousin the same thing and make sure he passes the word along to his Girlfriend.

I don’t want to sound mean but it is YOUR day and despite the drama of their history they should all care enough about you to grow up and act like civilized adults for one day, or stay home and mope.

Post # 13
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I actually have a similiar situation! My Maid/Matron of Honor hates one of my close friends. Maid/Matron of Honor is L, close friend is D and MOH’s boyfriend of 5 years is S.

Anyways, way back in college D slept with S when she was a freshman (barely) and S was a sophomore. Maid/Matron of Honor L was not dating S yet, but they were good friends. L found out that D and S slept with eachother after she and S started dating. Well Maid/Matron of Honor L has never come to terms with this history, thinks that D kept bringing it up and bugging S about it for years etc… S feels uncomfortable around D as well.

Anyways, all three of these people will be in attendance at my wedding. I guess we will all have to act like adults and get over it! Imagine having to explain this drama to FI’s grandmother if they get into a cat fight, haha

Post # 14
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I hope (for the sake of everyone involved) that you aren’t giving your best friend enough credit! If I put myself in her position, and my BFF was getting married and I was in the wedding, and she (for whatever reason) needed to invite an enemy of mine to the wedding, I would get over it. It’s your day, and she’ll hopefully be so excited that you’re getting married that she’ll just ignore can’t-keep-it-in-his-pants and his girlfriend. I’d still seat them on opposite sides of the venue and give everyone advance notice of what they should expect. But I really don’t think this will be as big of an issue as you fear.

Post # 15
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your cousin and your friend share a child, correct? They should be able to be in the same place without it being a huge drama if for no other reason than they have a child together.

It would be rude to ask him not to bring his Girlfriend considering you are not doing that to anyone else. Also, since your cousin has a child with his Girlfriend, it’s likely she’s not going anywhere. The best thing for everyone would be to learn how to work around the situation.

I would let my friend know that he will be there and may bring his girlfriend. Maybe you can give your friend a specific task turning the wedding to help keep her occupied so she’s not focused on the ex being there.

So sorry you have to deal with this on top of all the regular wedding stress!

 

Post # 16
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is your wedding.  Your friend (and cousin and cousin’s gf) should be able to behave themselves for one evening. 

Invite the people you want to have there, simple as that.

The topic ‘Inviting bridesmaid’s enemy to wedding???’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors