- 4 years ago
I don’t know If I will get my answer today, if ever but I have only been engaged a few short days and already I feel the tension building up. I got engaged on Valentines Day.
Within 24 hours (less than that I’m sure) my future Mother-In-Law was getting upset that we hadn’t told her side of the family. And When I say “we”, I mean my fiance. I told him “whenever you are ready to tell.” Both of us had a loose timeline of how long we wanted to wait until we told anyone other than our parents. She moved in with us so we are beginning to set a new set of boundries for ourselves as a couple. (She has been very ill this winter. So I try to keep my mouth shut but I try to be firm when I do have something to say but she is old and from the era of respect the elders no matter what.) Now, the reason why I was upset is that her daughter, his older sister kicked her out of her (MIL’s) place (daughter’s husband bought it to relive the financial burden on Mother-In-Law some years ago promising to never sell.) Well they sold, didn’t even tell her to her face, got a lawyer to do it, claiming their business was strained and they need to relieve themselves as well.
Two weeks later she is taking a two week vacation in the Florida Keys and shopping like she was dying. They PAY OUTRIGHT for their daughters place (my Fiance’s niece’s place in Newport, CA. VERY PRICEY and for pretty much all their new baby’s needs.) Now, I understand what they do with their money is their business but I can’t forgive her (future SIL) for dumping my Mother-In-Law in the streets. Mother-In-Law can be difficult but overall she deserved much better. Seeing her and all of her clothes on the bed with no room to sleep (a fullsize) because she no longer has space for her things ( she lives on our loft now ) Made me cry and broke my heart as well.
I understand that this women was my MIL’s first child and only daughter and most of all her CHILD! So they have a bond that nothing could break. But sometimes this event that occured would drive my Mother-In-Law to drink and cry until dawn and we worry about her heart health now more than ever.
That is just one thing. HE (fiance) wanted to wait because he had a list of people he was going to call and a list of people he was going to write. His sister was on the list of people to write. His mom kind of just forced the phone on him. He was clearly not ready to talk to her about something so perosnal so soon after the event of her being evicited. Nor was I. Then she has the nerve to ask if it was because I was pregnant. We have been together for FIVE full years. He didn’t just randomly knocked me up, forcing him to marry me out of propriety. He told his brother and that was happy event that I looked forward too.
I don’t know If I should invite her and her part of the family.
Now as for my father’s side of the family, that is a whole other ball game.
My dad died in 2004. My mom almost immediately cut of any contact and that remains so to this day. My aunt and uncle as well as my father were/are not the best of people. My Aunt is a very selfish and money oriented person. My uncle cheats on his wife and I don’t feel like he has a sense of loyalty at all. My sister from my father’s side is just a dope. (-Wouldn’t get a manicure while pregnant because of the chemicals, but would smoke during pregnacy-kind of stupid.) My step-brother is cocky and a showoff. But I have gotten along better with his wife lately. But most of all I miss my middle brother out of all my other siblings (all these siblings are from my father’s first marriage.) His wife was the sweetest woman ever. She is headstrong, smart and beautiful. She was my role model growing up. She did everything I ever wanted (and am doing now, she was just better at it.) She used to babysit me and take me all over shopping, eating out, etc. I miss that. A part of me does miss having so much family. I understand why my mom did what she did. They were not always the best of company, and she called them all out on it once. They never forgave her for it. Even my beloved SIL that I miss yelled at my mom beause she wouldn’t sell the family business to my brother (he could only offer so much, she needed more to pay father’s back taxes) It was just this cluster of bad, bad and more bad after his death, not to mention my sister was stealing LARGE amounts of money from the register at the family business.
I want to invte my middle brother and his wife and 3 kids because I do miss them, but If I do I will feel like I have to invite my step-brother and sister, however I won’t force my mom to reconcile. That is her choice and I won’t stick my nose in. But My mom has been there for all always, and I asked her to walk me down the aisle. I don’t want to upset her because I think seeing the will remind her of the hurt they caused her and the abuse my dad put my mom through. I don’t even know if I should invite my uncles, cousins, aunt, etc. They just make me angry after my grandfather died leaving me a large inheritnce and everyone went C R A Z Y!
I am fully aware it is MY wedding. Even my mother tells me that. She says invite who you want near you I won’t stand in the way, which makes me feel worse. That is why I want my brother and SIL there, but my mom is still hurt by what happenned with the selling of the family business. I don’t want to hurt her as well. I am simply stuck. Sorry for the long post. I wanted all the details out not just for people to read but for me. To help me put it in purspective. I just don’t know what to do.