(Closed) Inviting Co-workers and Classmates and "Associates"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How are you inviting your co-workers and or classmates?
    Only inviting a select few...explain why : (27 votes)
    47 %
    Inviting everyone from work/school..explain why : (4 votes)
    7 %
    Inviting mostly everyone from work/school..explain why : (6 votes)
    11 %
    Not inviting any of my "Associates"...explain why : (14 votes)
    25 %
    I'm still deciding : (6 votes)
    11 %
    I am doing something different..explain it please! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    662 posts
    Busy bee

    The only people we are inviting that I would call “associates” are family members we have to invite for family political reason but that we don’t really know.  This day is too special to us to invite people we don’t love and cherish. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I am only inviting one co-worker, my Fiance is inviting his boss & his Fiance. Both of us work in smaller companies (under 20 employees) which are operating 7 days a week. To invite everyone would mean closing the office/workspace, and it would be unfair to whomever was scheduled to work to have to miss this occasion if everyone else was present.**

    I selected my co-worker because she has also become a friend with whom I spend time with outside of the work environment. Everyone whom we work with knows this so it’s not a shock she’s the only one with an invitation in hand. My Fiance picked his boss because they are close as well and he has done a lot of work on his house so they’ve bonded over construction implements (and likely some beers too).

    ** Side note: our wedding is a little different as it’s destination and not local, therefore it’s a lot easier for co-workers (for the most part) to understand why they won’t be invited and to not take it personally. Of course, if you read my most recent rant, you’ll realise not everyone understands this basic concept.

    Post # 5
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I work with about 10 people.

    I am inviting:

    – my immediate supervisor (who is also my MOH)

    – the chauffeur (i’vve worked with him as long as I’ve been in the office, and he’s always been very friendly and welcoming to me, espcially when I was new)

    – the chef (good guy, fun guy, though there is a chance he might also be my caterer, in which case I’ll hire him, not invite him. Have worked with him for only a couple of months)

    – my “big boss” and his wife (they are like grandparents to me, and I adore them. I don’t expect them to come though given their ‘position’, though they might surprise me)

    I am NOT inviting about 6 other staff. We can go a whole week without even speaking, so I don’t feel the need to invite them to my wedding. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    Traditional etiquette holds that business is a perfectly acceptable domain of conduct, and society is a perfectly acceptable domain of conduct, but the two domains are separate.

    It should be obvious that using your business premises and work-time for socializing is unprofessional. You cannot pick and choose your business associates based on whether they are the sort of people you prefer to socialize with. Values such as profitability and efficiency are appropriate in the business domain.

    But many people don’t realize that it is equally improper to allow business affairs to intrude into your social life. If you do, you create awkward ambiguities: Your CEO is ten years younger than your Maid of Honour: in business he would take precedence over his employees’ friends, but in society she would take precendence over your younger friends — which rule will you follow? What if the person who does your performance review is offended by bad table manners and your mother spoons her soup toward her — will you lose the next promotion because he thinks you were raised in a barn? You invite all your co-workers today and one gets fired tomorrow — is he still invited? And so on.

     In the business domain, you can hire, or do business with a friend, but only if they have all the qualifications necessary and you keep your business dealings entirely impersonal. There is equivalent license in the social domain: you can include colleagues in your social events but only if you think of them as a friend outside of work and are able to keep all work concerns entirely out of your social relationship. In other words: if you think of someone entirely as a colleague or associate, don’t invite them. If you think of them as a friend with whom you do business, invite them in their role as friend.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Evs. We’re only inviting people we’re close with unless some form of family politics dictates otherwise. Even then the family has been given a number cap. Sorry bout it, it is a wedding not a free party/reunion.

    Post # 8
    Member
    811 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’m inviting everyone that works in the office and I’m inviting a select other few that I do business with.

    Post # 9
    Member
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’m inviting 2-3 coworkers, my boss, and their families. We decided on a number for our guest list based on the cost of our caterer and added people until we came to that number. I work closely with just about our entire ‘crew’, but I can’t afford to have them all come…unless we win the lottery!

    Post # 10
    Member
    11233 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Not inviting any of them. I just started a new job three months ago, so I don’t really know anyone, and don’t plan to invite them. Fiance is a student, and has acquaintences, but we were done with our guest list at the beginning of September (when we sent out STDs) and are not adding in any more. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9139 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I would only invite co-workers/classmates that I regularly spend time with outside of the office socially.  If you don’t spend time with them socially outside of the office or school/study groups then they are merely acquaintances.  I am not inviting any of my co-workers because we only see each other at work.  I am not inviting any classmates because I am an online student so I never see any of them much less hang out with them.

    Post # 12
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not inviting any “associates”, my Fiance is inviting a few select co-workers who he is particularly close to.

    Post # 13
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m also a teacher and this is going to be a bit tough for me! This year is my second year at the school and next year (when I have my wedding) will be my third year working with many of my co-workers. I get along with all of them and many of us have gotten together outside of school at least once or twice. However, I also have a small wedding (75 people or less) and if I invite everyone I work with, it will go way over that limit. I am one of the youngest teachers at the school and seems to be the only one not married yet. My principal has congratulated me on my engagement. Another administrator and the school secretary are also aware of my engagement and my upcoming wedding next year. I just really don’t think I can invite any of them and still stay within my guests limit! I am at a loss on what to do… After reading what you said about not getting invited even after the bride has talked to you about her wedding, I’m worried now! Many of my co-workers have been asking about how the wedding planning is going, etc. Does that mean I should invite them in order to avoid their feelings being hurt? Our venue is charging an additional $500 if we go over 75 guests. Not to mention I will probably already be worried about affording food for 75 guests as it is… I don’t know what to do now. I was only planning to invite about 6 or 7 of the teachers (which is way less than half of the teachers I do see/talk to on a regular basis). They’re all married so of course I should extend the +1 to them. That brings the guest count to 12-14 from my school guest list alone. So yep, I’m now in a dilemma.

    Thanks for bringing this issue up. Any suggestions for me? Lol. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I only invited one coworker.  I’ve known her for 12 years and have worked with her at two other companies before she brought me over here (I was 17 when I first worked with her).  As for the rest of my coworkers, I’m not particularly close to any of them, so I feel like I either invite them all or none.  And they all know that the lady I invited and I have known each other for ever, so no hurt feelings.  As for old associates, I don’t really keep in touch with anyone enough to feel the need to have them at my wedding.

    Fiance invited four people from work including his boss.  But he’s worked at his company for 12 years (I think) and talks to/interacts with these people a lot.

    Post # 15
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, because I’m starting to send out my Save-The-Date Cards.  I still can’t decide on how many people from my office to invite.  I’ve worked at my job for 5 years now and I definitely know I want to invite my supervisor and one other coworker I hangout with outside of work.  I’m torn about asking the others in my department.  There are three others, but one of them just started a few weeks ago.  So I’d feel bad inviting the other two and leaving the new girl out… I still have 6 months to decide I guess.

    Post # 16
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We decided to only invite coworkers that we associate with after work hours.  Which for the both of us is a lot because we have social happy hours all the time.  So we have to add and extra 20ppl just from coworkers.

    The topic ‘Inviting Co-workers and Classmates and "Associates"’ is closed to new replies.

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