Inviting Co-workers Etiquette

posted 11 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I would suggest only inviting those who you really are friends with.

I made the mistake of inviting coworkers to my first wedding and at the time we were close, but just a year after the wedding we were barely even speaking (because I got a new job.) I highly suggest only inviting 2-4 of your closest coworkers, giving them plus-ones, and letting them sit at the same table.

Post # 3
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I would only invite coworkers who I actually see socially outside of work, not just those who I am ‘friendly with’ at work. The ones I see socially I would consider as friends first and coworkers second, and therefore would want them at my wedding. The ones I am friendly with within the confines of working hours but not outside of that are primarily colleagues and I wouldn’t feel the need to have them there. 

Post # 4
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I second the PP. Just invite the closest ones to you (so it’s not like you invited everyone but 2 people) and invite their SO’s.

Post # 5
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

I would invite only the ones you really consider yourself to be friends with. 

My husband works on a team of 7 or 8 and felt like it had to be an all-or-nothing thing (and I was not inviting 7 or 8 co-workers plus their guests to our 90-person wedding). He had one co-worker who he was actually friends with outside of work, who I’ve met, who has been to our home, who my husband has traveled to Europe with. I had never even met the rest of them. We just invited this co-worker with his girlfriend. 

If his other co-workers cared, they never said anything. I think most people get that weddings are expensive and you can’t invite everyone.

ETA – I wouldn’t send them a courtesy invite expecting them to say no. You never know who will come. They might feel compelled to come because they see you every day and don’t have a good reason not to, or they might just want a night out with their co-workers. I’d count on them showing up.

Post # 6
Member
1921 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

gunnabamissus :  Agree with those above. Only co-workers you are friends with outside of any work related events, not merely colleagues. 

Here are the guidelines we followed for our guest list:

Set the budget. Who is paying for the Wedding? Any person paying will have a say in who is invited. NO pay, NO say. If you do not want anyone to have a say – DO NOT take any money offered from them. 

1.) We both have had to already meet the family/friend. **A wedding is not a family reunion, this is the time for family and friends who have supported your relationship to celebrate your union. This is not the time to introduce your spouse to your family/friend.

2.) No children (this alone removed 60+ names). Stand firm if you decide to say no children. NO children. 

3.) No +1’s if not in a serious relationship/living together.

4.) We’ve had to have seen them in person in the last year. **If your main source of “friendship” is through Facebook or text message, this is not a close friend or a close family member.

5.) We have to want to at least have coffee/lunch/dinner with you. **If we don’t want to at least sit through coffee with you, again, not close and should not be at your wedding.

6.) No co-workers that we do not see/hang out with outside of work.

Our guest list was 125, we had about 120 show up

Post # 8
Member
1921 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

gunnabamissus :  In 10 years you have never met your future MIL? Or maybe I have misread this. It’s the family friends that the Mother-In-Law is inviting that you have never met, correct? 

These guidelines are merely suggestions of how we shortened our list. Invite any guest and co-workers you wish. 

Post # 10
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Personally, I will not invite any co-workers because I agree with PP – you should only invite the ones who are legitimately your friends, not just friendly co-workers. Ask yourself this: if it’s 5 years from now and one of us is no longer working here, do I see us still going out for drinks or having each other over for dinner on the reg? If the answer is no, then you’re not actually friends (and that’s OK). 

For me, I also like most of the people I work with and have a lot of fun with them at work. I also go out for beers now and then after work with them (not as often as I should) and sometimes we  go out for lunch… but I don’t really consider  them friends. There is one co-worker who is a little closer to the friend category, as she has actually come to a couple of our BBQs and our housewarming, but I still don’t consider her a close friend and it won’t even faze her that she isn’t on our guest list. 

I do think that if you are inviting most of your co-workers, then it does come off as exclusionary to only leave a couple out. Say you have 10 coworkers. If you invite 4 but not the other 6, I think that’s fine because the other 6 probably recognize you are closer with the others and that’s no big deal. If, however, you invite 8 and leave out 2, that’s pretty dickish.

Post # 11
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I can tell you an experience with someone at my old job inviting coworkers. She invited by room. The building had rooms, containing departments. This coworker didn’t invite anyone in the room I was in (6 people), because she didn’t get along with 2 others who were in this department. She didn’t invite me either, we weren’t close, and I didn’t care one jot. But there was one girl in the room who didn’t get invited, and I was shocked, because they were friends, and I knew the bride liked her a lot. No one would have cared if she was invited and they weren’t. We got it.

Conversely, there were 2 girls in the front office. The bride was close with one, not the other, but she invited both. That didn’t make sense either, and the non-friend who was invited preened to me, as if she was better thought of than I was. I still didn’t care. 

So I would say, definitely invite plus-ones for people you feel close to in the workplace. Those not invited will most likely understand and not care.

Post # 12
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You aren’t “excluding” anyone from your wedding as the default position is that you don’t go to a wedding. 

I don’t think that you should invite anyone who you aren’t friends with. If you do invite co-workers you should invite their SO. If you do invite some co-workers you aren’t obligated to invite others. This isn’t Kindergarten; they are hopefully all adults that understand different people like different people. 

Post # 13
Member
5922 posts
Bee Keeper

Invite the ones you are close with PLUS their SO. Unless they are truly single, their SO isn’t considered a +1. Its their SO. 

I think inviting co-workers can get sticky if you invite everyone but 1 or 2, but its less weird if its the reverse. You only invite 1 or 2, and people know you’re actually friends. 

I just invited my 2 bosses to not have this stress lol. 

Post # 15
Member
11646 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I would only invite those with whom you actually socialize outside of work hours. 

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