(Closed) Inviting co-worker’s spouses

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Ummm…. honestly it seems a little strange.  You don’t have to invite everyone to the shower that’s going to be invited to the wedding.  I certainly didn’t.  And I really doubt that any of your male co-workers would be offended their wives weren’t invited to your shower.  I mean, guys just don’t care about that sort of stuff.  And even if they did, you don’t know their wives so they shouldn’t be offended.  Has she already sent the invites?

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t see why they have to be invited to the shower I guess?

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Yeah, awkward situation.  There is a strange trend where some people invite every female to the shower who is invited to the wedding, but showers are traditionally just for CLOSE friends and family.  Are you close enough to your coworkers that maybe you can jokingly explain what happened?  Have them tell their wives what happened and say that while they are certainly welcome, they shouldn’t feel at all obligated to come or send a gift?

Post # 7
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d mention it to the male co-workers–just say you didn’t realize your mom was inviting their spouses, and that you’d love the chance to meet them and get to know them better, but you totally understand if they don’t want to come.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Ugg.  I think it would have been more appropriate to not invite them to the shower.  The shower is meant for close friends and relatives of the bride.  These gals you haven’t met, might feel it’s a little gift grabby to be invited to the shower.  As otb said, you don’t have to invite everyone to the shower, that is being invited to the wedding.  And unless your wedding is very small, you probably shouldn’t.

I don’t know what the proper way of handling this, since the invitations have gone out.  But I think I would handle it by mentioning to the male coworkers, that there was a misunderstanding.  If going to the shower is something their wives would really enjoy, great.  But you didn’t intend to put out ladies you’ve never met.   And you don’t want them, in any way, to feel obligated to come to the shower.

Post # 10
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You shouldn’t feel like an idiot, just blame it on your mom when you talk to the male coworkers. Or, if it might be less awkward, ask one of the female coworkers to mention to the guys how bad you feel, you don’t expect their wives to come (though of course you’d love to meet them), etc, etc.

Post # 11
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yeah, since the invites have gone out already, that def makes it a trickier situation. I agree with PP that you should definitely say something to your male co-workers.  I would explain that you didn’t know your mom had invited them until after the invites had gone out.  And while they are more than welcome to come and you would love to meet them, they are in no way obligated to make an appearance or give a gift.  That’s a kind of tough situation your mom put you in.  Sorry!  I hope it works out!

Post # 13
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think an email would be ok, if you are uncomfortable walking into his office to talk about it. I’m sure he will understand it was a simple mistake.

Post # 14
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I agree that it is more than a little odd to invite women to the shower who have never met the bride or anyone else who will be there. The only somewhat “strange” people you usually see at a shower are any friends or coworkers that the bride’s mom or groom’s mom might want to invite, especially if they are hosting the shower.

Sorry that you are having to deal with this awkward situation, but I think the best way to handle it would be a casual conversation at work with each of the relevant male coworkers. Say “Hey, I don’t know if your wife got her invitation to my bridal shower, I just wanted to let you know that of course she is completely welcome and we’d love to have her, but I didn’t want her to feel any pressure to come if she’d feel uncomfortable about it.” Unless you have a close friendship with the male coworkers, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to remove the pressure for them to get you a gift for the bridal shower, but at least you can communicate that the wives shouldn’t feel like they have to go – without, of course, making it sound like you don’t want them to go. Good luck.

Post # 16
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think your mom got the etiquette backwards.  Mom, you have to invite everyone going to the shower to the wedding.  You DO NOT have to invite every female going to the wedding to the shower.  I think perhaps she mixed up the rule.

I would definitely talk to your coworkers and apologize.  Tell them you don’t expect the wives to show up, that your mom had sent the invites.  I’m sure they are all scratching their heads!  (I would feel awkward receiving that invite…like if I didn’t go I was getting my hubby in trouble or something!)

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