Post # 16
I have wayyyyy to much family my mom is one of 16 kids. 14 still living. They all each have at least two kids and some of them kids on Their own so I invited 13 of the aunts and uncles and majority of first cousins. About 30 of them. None of their kids are allowed though.
Post # 17
I chose we invited all cousins however on both sides combined we only have 9 first cousins, with spouses included the number is up to 12 so not a huge difference. I am sure it would have been a different story if we had a lot of cousins though.
Post # 18
I’m Italian and have 20Aunts/Uncles 32Cousins/Spouses, 20 kids and not to mention italian “Cousins” that we all spent alot of time with growing up… that varries from really close on my moms side, to some estrangement and “met twice in my life” on the other.Seeing as how i initally wanted a total invite list of 50 people….
Luckily my brother invited NO ONE to his wedding outside of me and my parents. So he broke the ice for me. I didn’t invite ANY family outside my brother’s and my parents, we live too far away, and i couldnt draw the line anywhere. Plus i really wanted to have my friends who I do see regularly or at least talk to regularly and invited me to thiers.
My Hub however felt the familial Obligation and invited all of his Aunts/uncles and cousins… but then again, they are all younger,Like No Kids, and he is the first one to get married on either side… so it was only like 20 total people
To each thier own… do what you want to do with what you feel comfortable doing
Post # 19
I had over 30 first cousins and Darling Husband also had a lot. They are almost all married too so we just ended up inviting select cousins and their spouses. I do feel a little bad about it – I wish we could have invited everyone but I didn’t want a huge wedding.
Post # 20
Having same issue with my guest list. Sadly until recently I didn’t know a cousin existed. And each cousin has 2 to 4 kids so adding one dramatically increases my guest list.I’m worried I’m not Going to have room for the friends I really want to be there. I feel like if you really don’tl know someone too well you shouldn’t be obligated to invite them.
Post # 21
Draw a line – all cousins, no kids, all cousins & all kids, no cousins. You don’t want to look like you have favorites.
I have 30 first cousins, all of whom are married or in significant relationships – so that was 60 people right there (and most of them came!) , so I get tough decisions, but please, please, please don’t invite some cousins and not others. You already said it’ll cause problems, so just head them off while you can.
Post # 22
I alone have about 60 first cousins or more (mom is one of 12, dad is one of 9) Fiance has about 10. We invited all of them, in my opinion I couldn’t invite some cousins and not others, I would of felt bad/rude. It’s hard to tell some they are invited and not others, but I don’t expect all of them to come as they are mostly older then myself (2nd youngest on moms side and 5th on dads).
Post # 23
We didn’t invite any extended family. Our immediate families (parents, siblings and spouses, nieces and nephews) alone is 26 people. With the size wedding that we are having, we just couldn’t invite any extended family.
Post # 24
I think it just depends on your family, because each family is different. I have 2 first cousins. About 15-20 second cousins on my moms side (about 15 first cousins once removed) and then like 8 second twice removed. On my dads side I have no first cousins 3 second and a handful of second onde and twice removed. Some I’ve never met. Some who never attend anything (including their own siblings events due to “other commitments” and age has A LOT do with it… my second cousins on my dads side are older than my dad, in their 60s. On my moms side they range from their mid 60s to only a couple years older than me and then their kids also range (my grandmother was the oldest, and her youngest siblings were 14 years younger. So by time those youngest ones had kids, my grandmas oldest (my aunt) already had kids, and a grandkid. In our case, it depends on if ive met you and can tell your name without help. Fiance has an uncle, and MAYBE 2 cousins, first or otherwise, very very small family). But I refuse to invite a 3rd or 4th Cousin I’ve never met and not be able to invite a close friend who I know everything about. Then again, most of these cousins set the bar by who they did and didn’t invite so if I went to or was invited to theirs, they made the list, if not, then they’re on the bottom and most likely cut. But that’s just us. Every family is different and so it’s hard to say.
Post # 25
canhorsegal: I honestly think that it is really an all or none propositon. If your budget and space allows for all, invite all. If it allows for half, bring in half. The only time I think you should cut some family members out but not others of the same “teir” is if there is a family issue that is beyond solving.
Post # 26
wow, y’all have big families… 30+ first cousins that what like 6 aunts/uncle who each have 6 kids? thats a lot of kids
If you go back 2+ generations then 5 or 6 kids was common round here but not now a days, our numbers have dropped drastically each generation over the last few generations with only half having kids and having the standard 1 or 2 so all together from both side I have 12 aunts/uncles and 11 cousins (5 of whom ive never even met or spoke too because the live in other countries, 3 who no longer speak to me and the 3 that are invited)
Post # 27
We were in the same boat- I have 16 cousins, most of whom are married with kids, and my husband has a similar number. Both of us see all of them several times a year, so we could not invite some but not others. However, we wanted to keep our wedding small, so we did a small ceremony/ reception near where we live, and are doing an extended family/friends cookout in my hometown this month. This way, we get to celebrate with everyone, but kept the wedding small.
Post # 28
canhorsegal: I have a huge family as well… 18 first cousins on my moms side, nearly 26 or so first cousins on my fathers. All married, ALL with at least 3 kids. Then there was my Darling Husband side… First off we stated no kids. This deleted nearly 60 … yes 60 kids!! That would have been more like a childs birthday party… so no.
I hadn’t seen my fathers side in about 10 years, so we didn’t invite them… then removed any that had caused issues in the past. I’ve had cousins and uncles get into fist fights at weddings… so, no.. sorry no invite for those.
Just be ready for some people to give you a guilt trip over who you invite or don’t invite. Remember, your day NOT theirs. Some may chose not to attend because their child is not invited… so be it… their choice. Just do not give into drama or ANY guilt trips. “I am so sorry you can’t make it, we will miss you at the wedding.” “My decisions for our wedding are not up for debate.” Stand firm and give no explanations. =) Good Luck Bee!!
Post # 29
We invited all of our cousins and any long term partners. The only cousins we didn’t invite were two of mine who niether of us want anything to do with, for good reason. I would draw the line at inviting all or any of the cousins kids too though in your case.
Post # 30
- Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front
jannem: Hi bee…
What did you mean you invited all cousins and families but “then you were selective beyond that….” I’m trying to decide about close cousins who i see on special occasions VS those i never see (but have no issue with) we were close when young plus I never never see their kids so…….I don’t want hurt feelings but we agreed to keep it small and intimate…..help!!