(Closed) Inviting cousins whose weddings I wasn't invited to

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How would you handle the inviting?
    You don't have to invite cousins who didn't invite you to their weddings : (27 votes)
    44 %
    Invite just the cousins and their husbands : (12 votes)
    20 %
    If you're inviting everyone else's kids, you should invite their kids too. : (22 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1368 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    You don’t have to invite them but I think you should discuss with your parents before deciding 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If the reason for not inviting their kids is because you weren’t invited to theirs as a kid, I think that’s wrong and you should invite them. It’s been 15 years, it’s time to let that go and move on.  If you have other, compelling reasons for not inviting them but inviting other kids, then that’s a different story.

    Post # 5
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsWBS:  agreed. As a bride, you know now that everyone’s budget and guest list is different. If you want them there, invite them. But don’t not invite them out of spite for something that happened when you were a kid years ago.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee

    I think you should either invite the whole family or not invite the cousins.  I’m not trying to be mean, but they may truly have wanted an adults only wedding and not have been trying to exclude you.  Its easier to have a clear cut off (such as no one under 14) to avoid offense.  Clearly it didn’t work in your case.  However, inviting everyone else’s children while excluding theirs would be rude.

    I can understand why you are upset, but invite the whole family or none at all.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    7276 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsWBS:  +1 Even if they don’t ask, they will see all of the other people with their kids and be unsure of why their own kids weren’t invited. Although you may think that they should have made an exception for you, they then would have to have made an exception for every (maybe the inlaws had a lot of kids or their friends have kids). I don’t think you should take it personally (especially since it happened so long ago).

    ETA: I think it’s rather petty if you choose not to invite them just because they didn’t invite you. Would another guideline work? Such as not inviting people you haven’t seen or talked to in over a year?

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    They didn’t want kids at their wedding, it was probably not personal it was just their choice for their wedding.  It’s silly to hold that against them 15 years later.  My parents went to my dad’s cousin’s wedding in Bermuda when I was around 8 and my brother and I weren’t invited.  (Kids can be left at home with a babysitter, even for a DW!!)  I love that cousin and can’t imagine her and her daughter not being at my wedding because I didn’t go to hers as a child!

    Post # 9
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You can either not invite them at all or invite the kids as well.  Not inviting the kids is just so ridiculously immature.

    Post # 10
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    ok, invites are NOT reciprocal like that.  I’m having a tiny wedding with a handful of people, I doubt that means I will never get invited to another wedding ever again.  you don’t know them that well so that would be one reason to skip the invite but you describe your wedding as “huge” so it seems like you’re just being kind of petty.  15 years ago and you still remember????

    Post # 11
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Eh, I get it OP. I’d be kind of pissed too- especially because at that age, you desperately want to feel grown up. 

    Do whatever you want, it’s your wedding! Just be sure you’re ready to face the backlash if theirs are the only kids who aren’t invited. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    7276 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @sunsetchristy:  Just a thought (this is what we’re doing)- you could do “no second cousins”. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @MrsBeck:  that’s very true. No second cousins sounds like a good policy to me.

    I wouldn’t invite them if it’s going to cost $1100 just for their family and you’re trying to be budget conscious. If you think they’ll decline if you don’t invite their kids then invite them without their kids and hope they decline (but they may not so be prepared)…if you don’t talk much and aren’t close then I don’t see the problem with not inviting them. I have a ton of cousins across the country & I will not be inviting all of them. In fact, I’ll probably only be inviting 4 out of 20-30. If it upsets people, oh well. If I don’t even know your wife’s name or I haven’t seen you in 5 years (and barely spoken in the mean time), I’m not paying a ton of money to have you attend my wedding.

    Post # 15
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee

    @sunsetchristy:  are you blood related to them? If not, I say don’t invite them. Heck, i know a lot of relatives, but they aren’t all blood related. So they won’t be getting an invite from me I since I barely see them. Plus they didn’t invite us to their kids wedding too, so eh?

    Post # 16
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @MrsWBS:  This, completely. It seems extremely petty to keep a grudge from 15+ years ago going by inviting everyone’s kids except for theirs.

    The topic ‘Inviting cousins whose weddings I wasn't invited to’ is closed to new replies.

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