Post # 1
I’ve already sent the invitations, and I’m inviting some ex-coworkers. One of them is asking if she can bring her boyfriend, but I already am above my initial numbers, I think I can afford to pay for an extra guest but I don’t feel like doing it. Should I still do it?
I used to work this small office and there were 6 people (including boss and myself on it) so I decided to invite them all. They are all girls and only two of them have boyfriends, let’s call them A and B. I’ve gone out with A and her boyfriend a couple of times and I’ve had more interactions with both of them in work and non-work related environment so I decided to invite A’s boyfriend as well. All of my other ex-coworkers didn’t get a +1. B on the other hand is the one I had the most distant relantionship, that doesn’t mean we didn’t get along, she is really nice but I don’t feel we are “real” friends, I met her boyfriend once and while he seems nice I barely know him. When addressing the invitations I just wrote B in her invitation and I used A and A’s boyfriend’s name in A’s.
Now B sent me a message asking if she can take her boyfriend to the wedding. I also have a wedding website and it’s clearly stated there that the names on the invitations are the ones invited.
I know I should have invited B’s boyfriend (after all they are in a serious relationship -not leaving together though) but I really didn’t feel like doing it. Now I feel a bit angry she is putting me in this situation, I don’t want to be rude but I also I don’t feel like inviting him and I already have more guests than I had planned. Since I’m inviting A’s boyfriend should I also invite B’s?
Post # 2
Yes, you should. No question. If you didn’t feel like ‘B’ is a true friend then you shouldn’t have invited her to begin with. But what’s done, is done and since ‘A’ gets to bring her bf, ‘B’ should too.
Post # 3
You can’t be mad at her for putting you in this situation when you’re the one that created the situation. Not inviting her serious boyfriend was rude. She’s asked for clarification, you can either 1. Stick to your guns and let her know that hes not invited and further the rudeness of your initial snub or 2. Extend the invite to her boyfriend that should have been invited in the first place
Post # 4
You don’t have to invite him (or anyone you don’t want to) if your friend/co worker decided to decline on that basis then that’s that.
I seriously abhor the idea that you should be inviting perfect strangers to your wedding because they are in a relationship with someone you would like to be there. ‘Social units’ exist outside of romantic relationships and most adults should be able to manage in a social situation where they might not be together for a few hours.
You have numbers and you have a budget and this is your wedding it isn’t for anyone else (other than your FI) to decide who gets to come.
Post # 5
So you want to do a rude thing, but don’t want to be seen as rude?
Post # 6
I see this a little differently because it is a coworker group that you have invited. They should all be just fine as a group. The mistake was including a boyfriend when no one else got one, but you’ve already crossed that bridge.
Are you saying you are over capacity for your venue, or just for your budget? If it’s the first, tell her you are sorry but there isn’t space and you’ll be glad to have him if the opportunity presents itself. After all, there is literally nothing you can do about that. If it’s the latter, find some extra money lying around to cover him, since you were inconsistent in your invites and it backfired.
Post # 7
I see no reason why you should have to invite her boyfriend.
You’ve invited a group of co-workers, so it’s not like she is going to be alone, there is no reason to invite him just to be her accessory. Tell her you’re really sorry, but you’re over capacity as it is and can’t accommodate any more guests.
It’s your wedding, invite who you please.
Post # 8
I don’t think you were wrong not to invite the boyfriend, and “B” should not be asking to invite someone who was not on the invitation. However, now that “B” has asked permission, I don’t think you can say no without looking rude.