Post # 1
I’ve been in my current office job since December – so about 8 months. It is a relatively large office of about 24. I have a supervisor who I interact with regularly, and then a director above her who I interact with fairly often. I had one coworker I interacted with daily and loved, but she left her position about 3 months ago, and we just brought in her replacement last week.
I have a huge guest list, and it was a struggle to determine who I could and could not invite. I’ve tried not to talk about the wedding at work much, but the director brings it up pretty often and seems very interested in it. After I mentioned having had my bridal shower last week, he asked if I needed anything else because his wife is “always shopping.” It felt like he expected to be invited. While I would love to invite everyone from the office, that simply is not possible.
I’m considering just inviting my supervisor and the director. I would have definitely invited my closest coworker, but since she is gone I’m thinking it might be easiest to just invite those two, and no coworkers. But I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, either. There are probably 3 or 4 of them I’d like to invite – but I feel if I invite anyone, it’d be best to just invite the 2 above me, and no coworkers. I definitely cannot invite all 20+, and even inviting 3-4 would be pushing it. I’m hoping my coworkers won’t be hurt by my just inviting my supervisors. But then again, I’m wondering if my supervisor and director would really come, and I don’t want to look like I’m just fishing for gifts or anything…
Thoughts, bees? Help!!
PS – Just a note, this is my first real job so I’m not sure if there’s an etiquette to this, or what is typical in an office setting.
Post # 2
Honestly I’d find it a bit strange to get invited to the wedding of someone I haven’t known more than a few months unless I had gotten quite close to them – like the one you said left the job. I invited exactly one person from the job I’ve held 5 years and I very much doubt anyone else expected an invite, including my boss. Think of it this way: do you want those people there? Will you miss them if they aren’t? If the answer is no to either question, then don’t bother.
Post # 3
I have to agree with PP. Now, as a director, I probably wouldn’t be surprised to receive the odd wedding invitation, but it would probably be more for the gesture than to expect them to come. I would never attend unless it was a coworker I felt personally close to.
You have zero obligation to invite any coworkers – if you do, select those who you feel are important to be there on the day of. I wouldn’t invite anyone from my work only because I wouldn’t want them to feel awkward going to a wedding with all my family and friends and have them be the odd person out and I’m not close enough with anyone to actually want them there.
Do what’s right for you. People shouldn’t be offended for not being invited when they haven’t known you all that long to begin with.
Post # 4
I had the same issue with inviting coworkers too. To make it easier for myself, I just invited the people I had a relationship outside of work. Coffee breaks and happy hours don’t count. That easily narrowed it down to the original three that I had intended to invite although I would have invited my whole department if I could. but you have to draw the line somewhere. Most people will understand.
Its awkward, I know. I have ladies in different departments asking me the date I had set for the wedding yet and to let them know so they can throw me a bridal party. It’s really really sweet and i know it comes from a good place, but it’s so awkward because I don’t work directly with this ladies.
Post # 5
Thanks to all so far, this is helpful! I haven’t known them that long, so it does feel a bit strange to invite them, especially since they wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding. But it is important for me to have a good relationship with them, as I’d be happy to work at this institution my whole life! I guess that’s part of it, that I want to upkeep a strong relationship with them both.
If they aren’t coming, an invitation makes me feel like I’m just fishing for gifts. But the director made the comment about getting me something… And my supervisor has commented that I never talk about the wedding much. Really I’ve been trying not to, so no one would be hurt if I didn’t invite them. It is awkward! I’m still not 100% sure about what to do…
Any other thoughts, bees?
skunktastic: geekgirl84: nanabana:
Post # 6
Though I’m close with a lot of my coworkers and even see some of them outside work, I decided not to invite any in order to avoid having to make uncomfortable decisions. There is one exception – one of my coworkers is married to my childhood best friend’s mother, a woman I consider to be practically family, so he’s on the list!
Post # 7
“you aren’t talking about your wedding much” – “yeah, I don’t want to bore people and it’s nice to think about other things for part of the day, haha”
“I’m planning on getting you a gift” (sidenote, what?? how weird to mention) “aww that’s sweet, but you really don’t have to”
then change the subject. Possibly mention if someone asks about the wedding something along the lines of “it’s incredible how expensive weddings are, I wish I could invite so many people, but we’re keeping it small so we can save for a house”. Just to one person, they can spread the ‘word’ from there.
Post # 8
I am a teacher and felt like my principal really wanted an invite. We are close though. However I still didn’t invite her as I didn’t want our personal and professional lives to cross. I don’t think my boss really needed to see my drunk family dancing or have an uncle offer her a tequila shot. My job threw me a wedding shower which was very sweet. I am glad I held firm though, I just would hate that to compromise your daily work life in any way.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I would only invite a cowoker if you’d normally do things like go out to dinner with them “for fun”. Especially if you’ve only been working there 8 months…
Ultimately they’re probably just interested in the wedding and it’s fun to talk about it even if they can’t go. Some people just plain like to give gifts. We got gifts from a couple people who werent invite to the wedding – parents of our friends… and a few friends of our parents.
Post # 10
I would only invite people who you have a friendship with outside of work. There’s no need to invite supervisors and coworkers just to be nice. I’m inviting three coworkers who actually have all left at various points over the past year so they’re not really even coworkers anymore anyway. But even if they were we had close friendships outside of work and did things on the weekend. One moved across the country and Fiance went to visit him and he’ll bee flying here with his SO for my wedding so I think that’s more of a friendship than coworkers.
Post # 11
bridetobe24: In your case I would say invite few if anyone from work. Most of my office is getting invited but I’ve also worked with the SAME people for 8 years! We socialize outside of work and we are a small and close office. My boss won’t come though, she tends to skip these kind of social events.
Anyone I worked with for just a few months, I would not expect an invitation from. If they choose to throw you a work shower, great 🙂 It doesn’t obligate you to invite them.
Post # 12
It is possible that someone at your work will throw you a bridal shower. We did that for one of the girls on my floor and everyone chipped in, we made an afternoon of it with games and food and whatnot and everyone enjoyed themselves!
I wouldn’t feel like you need to invite the supervisor/director in order to maintain a good working relationship.
Post # 13
bridetobe24: Do you ever hang out with them outside of work? Have lunch with them? I think everything just depends. It really is up to you. I remember having a coworker at a past job have a wedding and only invited a select few and I remember there were some hurt feelings (I personally didnt care because we were never really close). But in the end, it was her event and she was just closer to certain few so it was her choice. Do not feel obligated to invited anyone from work unless you really feel like you want to share the moment with them.
Post # 14
My department is 7 people and while that is small, it was still too large to invite everyone, so I just invited my boss. We are quite close and I don’t think any of my other co-workers were upset about not being invited.
Post # 15
bridetobe24: I’ve been at my job for a year, and my supervisors and some coworkers ask me regularly about the wedding. I am not inviting anyone from work. My Fiance is planning to invite a few of his coworkers, but there isn’t anyone I would consider close enough to want to be at our wedding. I don’t think you’re obligated to invite anyone from the office.