Post # 1
What would you do, Bees?
My wedding is going to be in Colorado, but I live and work in California. I have only been at my job for 8 months now, but by the time I am getting married, I will have been here for almost 2 years.
My coworkers are super nice, and we do things outside of work together occasionally, and there is a great team dynamic. I have somewhat personal relationships with all of them, but being that I have only been here 8 months, I’m not sure how those will play out in the future (we might get super close or they might leave and we never talk again)!
I would be 100% shocked if anyone were to be able to come, anyway. It’s not as if it will affect my guest count to invite them. On the other hand, I don’t want them to feel like they have to give/send a gift just because they were given an invitation. However, I have already heard people mention doing a shower, and I don’t want them to be offended if they choose to do that and still aren’t invited.
What would you do in my position, or how have other Bees in similar situations handled this? Thank you so much for any advice!
Post # 3
@allyouneedislove: Formal traditional etiquette differentiates between the social domain, and the business domain. You do not invite your grandma or your fiance to work events; and you do not invite business colleagues to social events. Having a good working relationship, even a very good working relationship that includes the odd office-team ball-game or co-workers’ bar crawl, does not make you friends. It makes you colleagues. Corporations blur those lines with “Company Christmas Parties” and “Employee Family Picnics”, but do not be fooled: these are still business events. You still cannot afford to relax and drink just a bit to much, and you still need to warn your children not to get into any play-ground tiffs with the senior VP’s little monster; and these are business considerations.
Collegial relationships are admirable — as long as you do not try to turn them into something they are not. Weddings are a social event, in the social domain, and not a place for recognizing or deepening your working relationship.
Friendship is also admirable and to be cherished. Nothing is wrong with having friends at work. Friends will be the people that you see outside of work, at non-work-related events, occasionally at one anothers’ homes or clubs, and from time to time along with one another’s other friends and family. You will be acquainted with both members of the “social unit” and know the friend’s address, precisely because they are friends; and you will treat them exactly as you would treat any friend: inviting both the co-worker and his spouse, by an invitation sent to their own home. Friends are NOT people whom you would never see again just because they changed their place of employment.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center
Our wedding was in Georgia and we work/live in Texas. My Darling Husband invited three of his coworkers to our wedding and I invited one of mine. We consider all of these people to be good friends and we do things outside of work on a regular basis.
Two of the four were able to attend and we were thrilled with that.
Post # 5
I live in Massachusetts and am getting married in VT. My situation is a bit different as I’ve been at my job for 7 years, but I decided to just not invite any coworkers. We were trying to keep the guest list down and I felt uncomfortable implying to my coworkers that they should make the trip or if not give me a gift. It’s been a little weird because they definitely ask about wedding plans and such, but I just felt it best to draw the line. I also didn’t want to offend coworkers that I wouldn’t have invited. This decision was made easier because we don’t really socialize outside of work, though we are close in the sense of knowing a lot about each other’s lives andwe obviously care about one another. If I had been getting married close to home I would have definitely invited a few though.
I think you should just wait it out, even a 2 year work-relationship could easily turn into never seeing each other again if you changed jobs. Even if you do become closer I would likely not invite them if I were you just because of the distance aspect.
Post # 6
Your invitations don’t need to go out until late June of next year. Save the dates (if you choose to do them) don’t need to go out until sometime between August (if you’re considering it a destination wedding) and January. A lot can happen before then.
Post # 7
Thank you for all of the responses and advice! I appreciate it!
I know I still have plenty of time to think about it, but it just was awkward hearing about plans for a bridal shower and knowing I wasn’t intending to invite them.