(Closed) Inviting everyone in the family but him. Advice?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Were you ever bullied in school?

    Yes.

    No.

    Sometimes.

    Very rarely.

  • Post # 33
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Girl you dont invite him its YOUR day and you dont need extra stress have YOUR day address the envolopes where he knows he is not invited 🙂

    Post # 35
    Member
    3229 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    View original reply
    @NAvery:  Ditto.  This is what I would do.

    Post # 36
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @JoJoDahling  If it were me and I was bullied in school not as bad as you describred I would want them to know i dont want my bullies there…you move on when you want to. This person belittled you and judged you and you dont need that on a day for YOU and YOUR FH. If the family says anything tell them how you feel and why you feel that way.

    Post # 38
    Member
    2285 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

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    @Rock Hugger:  +1 If it is your FH’s family then he should be the one to answer questions. And they most likely will ask why he is being excluded. Hopefully derp will not push the issue of attending if he is trying to change his life and has found religion.

    Post # 39
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @JoJoDahling I get that but you know what him becoming a pastor may help the sistuation. Maybe you should try to confront him and explain to him why you would rather him not be present bring your FH with you. IF you want to try and avoid family drama it may be a better chance worth taking.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2285 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    View original reply
    @JoJoDahling:  Wow that is crazy. I’m backing oyu up on not inviting him. He actively made your life awful by being such a jerk in school. Yeah, he was a kid, but he is an adult now and it seems like he avoids you instead of trying to make amends for traumatizing you.

    Post # 42
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @Nona99:  Just wanted to say this is amazing.

    OP, I’m sorry I’m not really sure how to help. SO’s sister and I (FSIL) do not get along, I would go as far to say we hate each other. As much as I wish I could not invite her,  I have to and at least on this day I will be looking the best I’ve ever looked. But I won’t have a panic attack knowing she is there.. therefore me saying I’m not really sure how to help 🙁

    Sorry. Hugs though I hope you deal with it in a way that makes you happy with minimal drama.xx 

    Post # 43
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    To be honest, I would not invite him. Your H2b knows why you dislike him, and he faced the same treatment from him growing up.

    I am sorry you had to go through that. Bullying is not acceptable in any context, and even if he is learning to be a pastor now, that does not mean that the past didn’t happen.

    I quite like the idea of telling him why he should refuse attending in any case.

    Post # 44
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    First, I have to say I love the names you gave to all the fmaily members. They made me laugh. Second, I think your plan is a good one. Send invites to the parents and young sibs, and the older sibs get their own and Derp gets nothing. Third, I would be honest about why you’re not inviting Derp and stand your ground. Make sure your fiance is ready to back you up. And maybe make sure his parents know as well, if you’re closer to them. But be prepared that you may have to explain things to Derp’s family and be ready to do that. They may not believe you at first but they should respect your decision. And all us bees will be sending you good thoughts!

    Post # 46
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    GIRL– you are NOT fat….

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