Post # 47
I was bullied when I was young, purely because I was tiny. Still am, actually, but I’ve developed a snarky mouth to fend them off. I hate bullies. All the people who used to bully me I’m, surprise surprise, NOT close to them at all though I am friends with them on FB and occasionally chat.
DO what you have to do. This guy doesn’t deserve to share in your day
Post # 48
I think it’s time the family learned about Derp.
Post # 49
I think even with the circumstances it’s wrong to invite everyone in the family except for him. You could invite just the parents and leave out derp and his siblings, but you really can’t not invite just him.
Yopu mention seeing this person at family events, which means he is part of the closer family circle, not inviting him would mean a huge rift in the family, and will cause some family to full out hate you. They don’t and won’t know your reasons for excluding him, all they will know is that you excluded the one boy. Try to remember that he did these things when he was a stupid immature kid, that doesn’t excuse it, but hopefully he has grown up and matured since those days.
You don’t have to forgive him, you don’t even have to speak to him at you wedding, but you really should just suck it up and invite him, or prepare for a lifetime of problems from the in-laws.
Post # 50
@retreadbride: I accept that I am plus sized, I’ve come to love my figure, but what I can’t take are his judgemental looks.
@strawbs: My mom said she was bullied because she was tiny too, I always thought that was weird. I am sorry you were bullied.
@drummerbride: I get where you’re coming from, but I’d rather live in truth then in a lie. I’ve never understood the importance of being nice to someone in the family just because they are family (or in my case, soon-to-be family) I’d rather come clean to the family about what Derp did and get it off my chest, find some closure and move on in that way rather then have to sacrifice more of myself to make him and his family feel good about themselves and keep acting as if everything is fine between Derp and I when it isn’t.
Post # 51
@JoJoDahling: it’s the “I’m bigger than you so I can push you around” mentality.
Post # 52
Maybe invite him to the ceremony, but not the reception? It might be a little old-school, but you don’t need to include everyone who is invited to the ceremony to the reception. Invite everyone to the ceremony, but include the reception information only for the ones y’all’re closer to and really want to be there. I read about it in my old copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s “Etiquette.” That way, he’s included superficially, but you don’t have to worry about his dirty looks at the reception.
Post # 53
@JoJoDahling: I also loved the description with the names, that was really funny!
PPs gave great advice about addressing invites… everyone over 18 should get their own invite. But I really think the parents should get a heads up that this is happening… I guess it has to come out sometime, right?
Post # 54
Thanks everyone for the support and advice!
You all are right, this has to come out. Derp’s parents should know about the bad blood between Derp and I. I need to face this with my fiance’ and show a united front, and I shouldn’t shy away from defending myself, and standing up for the choice of not wanting to invite him, and accept any and all of the consequences. I pray that they will understand though, and respect my wishes.
Everyone will be getting their own invite, and I’ll give them all their own individual RSVP cards. Hopefully they don’t ask, hopefully they won’t care, but if they do then I’ll worry about it when it happens and have a prepared responce(s) to them.
You ladies made me feel so confident! So supported! Thanks!
Post # 55
@JoJoDahling: Oh that is so sad, I am sure you are not fat at all, but nobody should make you feel anything but beautiful on your wedding day. xx