(Closed) Inviting everyone in the family but him. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Were you ever bullied in school?
    Yes. : (38 votes)
    44 %
    No. : (17 votes)
    20 %
    Sometimes. : (13 votes)
    15 %
    Very rarely. : (18 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I was bullied when I was young, purely because I was tiny. Still am, actually, but I’ve developed a snarky mouth to fend them off. I hate bullies. All the people who used to bully me I’m, surprise surprise, NOT close to them at all though I am friends with them on FB and occasionally chat.

    DO what you have to do. This guy doesn’t deserve to share in your day

    Post # 48
    Member
    4505 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think it’s time the family learned about Derp. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think even with the circumstances it’s wrong to invite everyone in the family except for him. You could invite just the parents and leave out derp and his siblings, but you really can’t not invite just him.

    Yopu mention seeing this person at family events, which means he is part of the closer family circle, not inviting him would mean a huge rift in the family, and will cause some family to full out hate you. They don’t and won’t know your reasons for excluding him, all they will know is that you excluded the one boy. Try to remember that he did these things when he was a stupid immature kid, that doesn’t excuse it, but hopefully he has grown up and matured since those days.

    You don’t have to forgive him, you don’t even have to speak to him at you wedding, but you really should just suck it up and invite him, or prepare for a lifetime of problems from the in-laws.

    Post # 51
    Member
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @JoJoDahling:  it’s the “I’m bigger than you so I can push you around” mentality.

    Post # 52
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    Maybe invite him to the ceremony, but not the reception?   It might be a little old-school, but you don’t need to include everyone who is invited to the ceremony to the reception.  Invite everyone to the ceremony, but include the reception information only for the ones y’all’re closer to and really want to be there.  I read about it in my old copy of Amy Vanderbilt’s “Etiquette.”  That way, he’s included superficially, but you don’t have to worry about his dirty looks at the reception.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @JoJoDahling:  I also loved the description with the names, that was really funny!

    PPs gave great advice about addressing invites… everyone over 18 should get their own invite.  But I really think the parents should get a heads up that this is happening… I guess it has to come out sometime, right?

    Post # 55
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @JoJoDahling:  Oh that is so sad, I am sure you are not fat at all, but nobody should make you feel anything but beautiful on your wedding day. xx

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