Post # 1
We are not yet engaged, but of course I am a crazy planner and trying to get a lot of things straightened out in my mind so when the time comes, some things will come easier.
My entire (small) family lives in another state. My SO’s (huge) family all live in state. Now, since my family is on the smaller side compared to his, and I would be the first of all the grandchildren/cousin’s to get married, I feel it would be rude not to invite everyone to the wedding. We are only inviting 100 people and I have a lot of friends in state that have become family, that I want to make sure come.
Chances are, only 1/10th or less of my out of state family would even show up!! SOOOO….do I invite them on the hopes they won’t show? Because If I do invite every family member, that won’t leave me with many personal invites for friends that I truly want to be there. I haven’t seen most of my family since I was around 9-10 years old. yiiiiikes, sticky situation lol. WHat would you guys do if you were in my situation?? 🙂
Post # 3
I’m in a similar situation. All of my family is out of town and my fiancé’s family live close by. I decided to have my wedding where we are, but not so much for his family. It was because I knew it would be easier for me to plan the wedding where I currently live.
We also started out with a guest list of 100 people. We are already up to 150 and the wedding is in May. At first I didn’t have a lot of my family on my guest list and I didn’t send a lot of them a save the date card just because I didn’t think they were coming. Well now they are all contacting me telling me they are coming even though I haven’t sent formal invitations. I’m only adding people I really want to share this moment with. Invite the people who you really want to share your special moment with.
If you send out invitations to someone who you hope might not show up, will probably show up. Just explain to them that you are having a small and intimate wedding with close friends and family. You don’t have to share how many people you are inviting. The place I picked does a head count so I have to be strict with my list. Or you can find a place that doesn’t go by the number of people and invite everyone.
Post # 4
I would only invite someone if you can accomodate him/her coming otherwise, you will probably end up with more people than your venue may be able to hold.
I would look to your mom or dad for advice on invites. You could also have an A and B list so if a member of your A group declines, a B member can be invited in his place.
Good Luck! The invite list is tricky and you’ll almost for sure end up with more people than your goal when you first started out.
Post # 5
I agree, only invite ppl that you can accomodate if they rsvp yes. good luck!
Post # 6
I guess I am worried about etiquette or being perceived a certain way by NOT inviting every single family member and also don’t want to exclude people by inviting SOME family members. Like my grandmother and favorite cousin (lol). The only two family members that I speak to on a regular basis. But y’all are right…it only makes sense to invite WHO you can and don’t invite those who you sorta don’t need or want there. lol this is probably one of the trickiest things with wedding planning I bet…
Post # 7
I say the more, the merrier! We wanted a 100-person reception, and it is looking like it will be more like 150 ppl……instead of looking at it as a PIA, I am looking at it that we are so loved that so many people want to share in our special day with us! (And yes, the saving account will take a hit, but oh well….)
Post # 8
I’m in the same situation as well… except that my family is huge. We invited everyone and a lot will most likely NOT be able to come. We are, however, able to accomodate everyone should they all decide to make the trip!!
Post # 9
THank you for your replies. My sister told me I have to absolutely invite every single family member (weird). I feel like being the first grandchild on my mom’s side to get married, they would EXPECT an invite. I don’t think it’s right. If I grew up with them and they were in my life, I could definitely see inviting everyone. But, I haven’t seen my family in 14 years!? It’s a weird feeling and I feel like there may a lot of backlash from my parents but I don’t see why I would need to. What’s crazy is I would love to have my mom’s siblings there, my aunts and uncles. I just don’t care for all the cousins to be there, at all. I don’t know them. lol. This is weird.
Post # 10
I “had” to invite a whole branch of my family (my mom’s cousins and aunt and uncle and all their kids) in Arizona, and only 2 of the 26 of them came. We expected that most wouldn’t come, but my mom was just adamant that we HAD to invite them. So we did. We also invited some really old people in my dad’s family that we knew were too old to make the trip, but HAD to get an invite.
We had about 30 people that we invited, but didn’t really factor into the # of invited guests, and we just kind of ignored them for numbers purposes. I think they all appreciated the invite though.
I guess it would’ve kind of been a mini-disaster if they had all somehow decided to come, but we were so sure that they mostly wouldn’t that we just did it. We said DH’s family could invite 100 and my family could invite 100, but really it was 100 + the 30 on my side, and DH’s side was 100 + 10 or so that they knew wouldn’t be able to make it. It all worked out in the end!
ETA: if your parents are going to pay for your reception, then it seems you kind of have to just let them have it their way on who they invite. My parents paid for ours, and I kind of just said well, if you’re going to pay for them all if they come, then it’s okay with me!