Post # 1
Here’s the deal:
My Fiance dated this girl for several months about 4 years ago.
She still hangs out in the same group of his friends and I’ve met her several times. She’s alright, I don’t dislike her, but I really don’t want any of his ex-girlfriends at our wedding either.
However, we’ve had a couple of house parties and she’s been there.
When it comes down to it, she’s a total b*tch and will stab pretty much anyone in the back in an instant. (I’ve had some coversations with a few of her “close” friends). I am on her good side, so as of now, this is a non-issue.
I’m so afraid if we don’t invite her she will throw a huge fit and it will be a big mess.
What do you think?
Post # 3
Sounds like she’s a friend of FI’s and she’s not a threat. 4 years seems like water under the bridge to me, so long as they were never serious. But truly, if it’s a friend of FI’s and he wants her there, invite her. If he doesn’t want her there, or just really doesn’t care, I wouldn’t.
Post # 5
He could care less whether she is there or not. I would say it was semi-serious, she dropped the “L” word, but he never said if he did or not. From who she is and what I can piece together, it was a pretty sexual relationship, too, which does bother me pretty good.
The big thing I am worried about is conflict for the future. Although, if she is not a part of our lives, I don’t care, but she is just friends with so many of our friends.
Post # 6
Tough spot, do you think having her at the wedding will cause any issues that day. If not and you think she will make things in the future terrible when you are with friends, then invite her.
I personally wouldn’t and would say we have a no ex rule at the wedding.
Post # 7
if he doesn’t care about inviting her, then i don’t see why you need her there.
Post # 8
If he doesn’t care, and you are skeeved by her presence, then def. don’t invite her!!!
Post # 9
If it was so long ago and for such a short time that they dated, I’m guessing her role is less of an ex now and more of a friend. It doesn’t sound like she’s a close friend at all though. So you said Fiance doesn’t care if she’s there, but that all her mutual friends will be there, and you’re worried she’ll throw a huge fit if you don’t invite her. I would fall back on my golden rule of wedding planning – if you can avoid hurting someone’s feelings, then do so. (Maybe in this case “hurting someone’s feelings” should translate to “righteously enraging” them.) Will you really notice her presence at the wedding, among all the excitement and so many of your loved ones? I’m guessing probably not. But if you picture your wedding day and you do think that her presence in the room will dampen your mood even a little bit, then take a stand and don’t invite her. I would think this would be different if Fiance actually considered her a quality person and good friend to be around, though.
Post # 10
I’m in the don’t invite her group. It may be water under the bridge, but at the same time you don’t want her drunk and telling everyone about what you understand was their sexual relationship. If she has a tendency to stab in the back, I’d leave it. If it makes her grouchy Fiance should tell her the “no ex” rule.
Post # 11
I obviously don’t know the situation, and it sounds like it wasn’t serious or anything, but I personally wouldn’t have wanted one of my husband’s exes at our wedding.
I think it’s great that you’re being pretty cool about it! I think, though, that if your Fiance doesn’t care, then don’t invite her.
Post # 12
I would say don’t invite her. It seems like there is no reason to!
Post # 13
“He could care less whether she is there or not”
Don’t invite her. I realize that she is friends with your friends but it doesn’t really sound like she is friends with you or your Fiance. It would be one thing if he was pushing to invite her, then I would say to invite her and be done with it; but if he doesn’t care if she’s there or not, and it sounds like you certainly don’t want to invite her, then don’t.
It’s your wedding. It’s a time for you to celebrate your marriage with the people you want there, not to worry about if someone’s going to throw a hissy fit for not receiving an invite. Because if she does, YOU won’t look bad- everyone will understand why you didn’t invite her- and SHE will look like a brat. If anyone asks, then you simply say that you didn’t care to invite any “ex’s” to the wedding. No one is going to find fault in that.
Post # 14
I’d say don’t invite her because if you’re thinking about it this much now there is no way you’re going to be able to sit back and enjoy the wedding, without wondering what she might be doing or saying.
Post # 15
I would not invite her. I just wouldn’t want anyone who my husband had a sexual relationship at my wedding.
Post # 16
It sounds to me like her past with your ex is only part of the issue. If she’s a “total b*” and Fiance doesn’t care whether she’s there or not then don’t invite her. You don’t need negative, back-stabbing people at your wedding. And like Miss Root said, she’s the one that will look bad if she says anything nasty.