(Closed) Inviting Exes to the Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sounds like she’s a friend of FI’s and she’s not a threat.  4 years seems like water under the bridge to me, so long as they were never serious.  But truly, if it’s a friend of FI’s and he wants her there, invite her.  If he doesn’t want her there, or just really doesn’t care, I wouldn’t.

Post # 4
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Angela.

Post # 6
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Tough spot, do you think having her at the wedding will cause any issues that day. If not and you think she will make things in the future terrible when you are with friends, then invite her.

I personally wouldn’t and would say we have a no ex rule at the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

if he doesn’t care about inviting her, then i don’t see why you need her there.

Post # 8
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If he doesn’t care, and you are skeeved by her presence, then def. don’t invite her!!!

Post # 9
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

If it was so long ago and for such a short time that they dated, I’m guessing her role is less of an ex now and more of a friend. It doesn’t sound like she’s a close friend at all though. So you said Fiance doesn’t care if she’s there, but that all her mutual friends will be there, and you’re worried she’ll throw a huge fit if you don’t invite her. I would fall back on my golden rule of wedding planning – if you can avoid hurting someone’s feelings, then do so. (Maybe in this case “hurting someone’s feelings” should translate to “righteously enraging” them.) Will you really notice her presence at the wedding, among all the excitement and so many of your loved ones? I’m guessing probably not. But if you picture your wedding day and you do think that her presence in the room will dampen your mood even a little bit, then take a stand and don’t invite her. I would think this would be different if Fiance actually considered her a quality person and good friend to be around, though.

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m in the don’t invite her group. It may be water under the bridge, but at the same time you don’t want her drunk and telling everyone about what you understand was their sexual relationship. If she has a tendency to stab in the back, I’d leave it. If it makes her grouchy Fiance should tell her the “no ex” rule.

Post # 11
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I obviously don’t know the situation, and it sounds like it wasn’t serious or anything, but I personally wouldn’t have wanted one of my husband’s exes at our wedding.

I think it’s great that you’re being pretty cool about it! I think, though, that if your Fiance doesn’t care, then don’t invite her.

Post # 12
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would say don’t invite her. It seems like there is no reason to!

Post # 13
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

“He could care less whether she is there or not”

Don’t invite her.  I realize that she is friends with your friends but it doesn’t really sound like she is friends with you or your Fiance.  It would be one thing if he was pushing to invite her, then I would say to invite her and be done with it; but if he doesn’t care if she’s there or not, and it sounds like you certainly don’t want to invite her, then don’t.

It’s your wedding.  It’s a time for you to celebrate your marriage with the people you want there, not to worry about if someone’s going to throw a hissy fit for not receiving an invite.  Because if she does, YOU won’t look bad- everyone will understand why you didn’t invite her- and SHE will look like a brat.  If anyone asks, then you simply say that you didn’t care to invite any “ex’s” to the wedding.  No one is going to find fault in that. 

 

Post # 14
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I’d say don’t invite her because if you’re thinking about it this much now there is no way you’re going to be able to sit back and enjoy the wedding, without wondering what she might be doing or saying.

Post # 15
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would not invite her.  I just wouldn’t want anyone who my husband had a sexual relationship at my wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds to me like her past with your ex is only part of the issue.  If she’s a “total b*” and Fiance doesn’t care whether she’s there or not then don’t invite her.  You don’t need negative, back-stabbing people at your wedding.  And like Miss Root said, she’s the one that will look bad if she says anything nasty.

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