(Closed) Inviting FI's ex/ cousin's gf

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you are totally within your rights to ask him to not bring her. It reminds me of the friends episode where Monica crashes her cousin’s wedding as Ross’ date. She wasn’t invited because she dated the groom. 

 

Post # 4
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee

@havalava:  Tell them that you have a no exes rule. Be very specific and don’t just assume they realize what you mean. Be mean if you have to be. If the cousin doesn’t want to come because his Girlfriend isn’t invited, well then that’s too bad for him. Who knows, by the time you get married, the cousin might not be with the ex anymore.

Post # 5
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@havalava:  in this case, I would not invite her. It sounds like she’s not over your Fiance, and her presence at the wedding will cause drama. I hope your cousin understands, but either way, I think you’re right to exclude her. 

Post # 6
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Normally I am very much in the camp that you need to invite all SO’s regradless of if you like them or not.  However, this is one of the few exceptions where it’s ok not to invite an SO.  Since she has actively tried to break you up, I think you are ok excluding her.  As PP suggested, I would tell the cousin that you have a no exes rule and that unfortunately you cannot invite his SO.  Be firm, though I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 7
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@havalava:   Under the circumstances, NO WAY should you invite her to your wedding!  It’s highly possible she’s just using your FI’s cousin as a means of getting closer to your FI and staying near the family.  Watch your back with that one.

Post # 8
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope, I definitely wouldn’t invite her. If cousin can’t understand why, then too bad, maybe he shouldn’t come either. This girl sounds like the type who would stand up and object to the wedding when the minister asks if anyone has reason for the couple not to be married.

 

Post # 9
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@havalava:  According to etiquette, you are not obligated to invite a casual girlfriend.  Given what you’ve written about her, there is no way I would invite her if I were you. Invite cousin by himself.  He can either accept and come solo or decline.  That’s his choice. 

ETA:  I just wanted to add that I would not offer an explanation as to why she’s not invited.  Just send him his invitation.  I suspect he can figure out why she’s not invited but if he asks (which would be quite rude), you can either plead space limitations or just be as tactcully honest as you can – that given the history, you prefer not to extend an invitation and hope he will understand. 

Post # 10
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I would say you’re absolutely within your rights to not invite her – especially if her bad behaviour has continued up til very recently. I’d question why she’s dating his cousin in the first place – perhaps to try and keep herself in the picture?

Reminds me a bit of my SO’s ex, who he recently cut all contact with due to inappropriate behaviour.

Be specific so there’s no room for argument. No exes, and if he REALLY wants details maybe clue him in on her recent texts?

Post # 11
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee

It’s YOUR special wedding day, you are NOT obligated to invite people who are not immediately related to you.  After all the drama she caused, if I were you even if she was closely related to me I definitely would not invite her.  Who knows what drama she might cause if she did come!   (I know a girl from college several years ago, where she felt she had to be ‘nice’ and invited her DH’s ex to her wedding since she started dating one of his friends, and during the reception when everyone was starting to get drunk she cornered her Darling Husband and tried to kiss him.  It was not pretty and she had that awful memory tarnish her wedding day).   

Take care!  I’d lose the potential wedding-drama baggage and only try to have positive, supportive, and loving people at your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with all PP, def don’t invite her!

Post # 13
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RunsWithBears:  +100

If she were an ordinary ex, I’d say invite her. But she sounds evil. Don’t invite evil people to your wedding.

Post # 14
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i wouldn’t want someone like that at my wedding.  why add more stress?  i agree with pp.  don’t invite her.  (she sounds like the kind of person that may still show up).

Post # 15
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would not invite her.  If she still so hung up on your Fiance, I wonder if she’s with cousin to get closer to Fiance.  She seems awful.

ETA: Why can’t ex’s just go away!

Post # 16
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I agree with all PPs, don’t invite her!

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