Post # 1
For bees that don’t or didn’t get along with your FMIL, will you still or did you invite her to your bridal shower? I’m having a small bridal shower with only my bridemaids and my close family. It will probably only be about 30 guests. Do you think it would be horrible to not invite FMIL? Should I just suck it up and invite her anyways even though I know she doesn’t like me and she’s been fighting with FSIL for the past year? I really want my bridal shower to be an intimate party with just me, my BMs and the woman in my family that I love and that love me the most.
A little back story on my FILs. FMIL and FFIL aren’t the nicest people. They are judgemental, rude, think they are better then everyone one, and just don’t get along with most people, even their own siblings. FSIL is one of my bridesmaids and she has been fighting with FIL’s since December and have only been around each other once since then and this was at a birthday party so there was minimal interaction between them.
FMIL is mostly nice to my face, but she is two-faced. She has had moments of being rude to me in the past, but lately since she’s been fighting with FSIL, she has been alright to me. FI’s family has told me a bunch of stuff she has said about me (some of which she’s actually said to my face). FILs don’t think I’m good enough for their son. I never finished college so they think that I’m uneducated and can’t take care of their son. They’ve told people that he’s wasting his time with me and that they hope we break up. She’s even said that she prays the rosary that we will break up! She’s called me fat on mulitple occassions. (I don’t think I’m fat. I’m not super skinny or anything, but I’m only 120 pounds and I’m 5’4). Sometimes she makes faces when I’m talking. She told me a story once about a “cousin” of mine (she called them my cousin because we have the same last name but we are not related) that got a divorce. The reason of the divorce? His wife never went to college. really?!? so since i didnt finish college i guess im destined for divorce. I could go on and on…..
Edied to add: I probably will invite, but it actually makes me sick to my stomach to have to do it. I’d probably rather not have a shower than have to invite her. She just makes me uncomfortable and I hate having to be fake. Especially knowing how she feels about me and all the horrible things she has said to me. I try to be nice to her and I’ve never said or done anything to her. even when she’s calls me fat! I never say anything back. Mostly I hate confrontation but also so that may FI doesn’t have to deal with his mom fighting with me.
Post # 3
@rand04: WOW I am in the same situation! FMIL and I aren’t getting along swimmingly right now (wedding-related disagreements) and she has said some VERY awful things about me via email and text message on several occasions. We are inviting her and FI’s family to the shower that my mom is hosting, as FMIL will not be hosting a shower for us nor could she handle the stress of throwing a shower for us ha! We are only inviting 40 guests to our shower. FSIL is constantly fighting with my FILs, too! But she is in college so it’s understandable. Just make sure your FI is standing up for you and he agrees to continue doing so.
Post # 4
I would still invite her. Don’t give her any more ammunition against you.
Post # 5
Would your FI be offended if you didn’t invite his mom? Because it would be such an affront to traditionalism and has implications to your unit as a couple, for me, he would need to be included in the decision.
She sounds like a terror! Sorry you’re going through it with her like this. For me, I would probably invite her and ignore her the whole time…not include her on any planning, no special attention or recognition, treat her like a regular guest. If you truly think she’ll never ever come around (once you’re married, once you have children, etc) and there’s just no hope for any kind of civility or a relationship, then don’t invite her if she’s going to make you uncomfortable. But just be prepared that not inviting her would be something that you’ve done that, in her mind, would justify the way she treats you and she’ll never forget it.
Random question-what does your own mom say about it?
Post # 6
We are in a similar situation. My FFIL passed away back in Dec and my FMIL has a new bf that has turned her against her whole family – including my FI & his brother. We haven’t really spoke to her in a few months & I want nothing to do with her and her drama. She was on my list to invite but got taken off after calling my FI and his brother names that no mother should ever call her children. As well as allowing her new scumbag bf to call them names as well.
I want my shower to be amazing & fun, and that will only happen without her. Sorry, not sorry! 🙂
Post # 7
I was going to vote yes after reading only the first paragraph but ooofff!! As someone who is 5’2 and 140, I would NOT be happy with that woman. It will probably get so much worse if you don’t invite her though. I’m not voting! sorry!!
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
@QuirkySocialite: +1 I completely agree.
Post # 9
Here’s the thing personally I wouldn’t invite her. I would tell her to her face that she can f herself and I want to never see her again. Now when doing this it’s best to have your fiance on your side so he would have to be willing to disown his mom. I’m not at all saying he should be pressured into disowning her.
If your not willing to cut her out of your life than invite her. Not inviting her but still putting up with her will just make things worse.
Post # 10
@QuirkySocialite: My FI would probably prefer if I invited his mom, but wouldn’t insist on it. He understand how I feel about her and appreciates the fact that I am still civil and nice to her. My mom says that for my FI’s sake and to keep peace in the family that I should invite her. I know all of this is true. I just wish I didn’t have to invite her. My friends and FSIL suggested I try to find a day that I know she won’t be able to make it, but she has absolutely nothing going on since they have very few friends and family that like them.
Post # 11
@Westwood: +1. I hate that you have to deal with this, but I feel like not inviting her would not go over well. I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 12
I didnt invite my husband’s mom to my bridal shower. The bridal shower is a party for the bride and she doesn’t like me so why would she even want to go? So she could show her face to a crowd full of ppl who are for me and VERY anti-her? It wouldnt have went over well if she came. But I told DH that I wasnt inviting her 2 months before the shower.
Post # 13
I neither get along nor not get along with my MIL. We don’t see her often, so I really have never gotten a chance to know her and vice versa.
She was invited to my bridal shower, but my husband’s grandmother was the ONLY family member from his side that showed up. MIL had worked the grave shift and my shower was at 10 in the morning, so she opted to go home and sleep. It was more embarrassing for me at the time because the shower was set up to where I’d sit at the head table between my mom and MIL, and I ended up having a friend sit by me instead.
But I’d invite your MIL, just to be courteous, and as others said, so she doesn’t have another thing to hold over your head.
Post # 14
Sounds like a horrible situation but I would still invite her as a courtesy but that’s just how I was raised. Fingers crossed she doesn’t show!