(Closed) Inviting friends with favors?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Lucky girl!  I don’t know the whole situation you have on your hands, but it sounds kind of like your friends maybe think they’re already on your guest list as these are generous favors.  Guest lists change (good heavens, I think we’re on version 100!), you make new friends, grow apart from some, and grow closer to others.  Don’t disregard them just because they didn’t make the initial cut, but don’t put them on there just to "return the favor".  Since it seems like a very complex situation ask yourself: Do you see yourself hanging out with them after the wedding?  Would you like to see them there on your day?  Would you take them out to an expensive dinner (face it, weddings are expensive dinners!) and pay?   

Post # 4
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I agree with AOEBuckeye’s advice.  I don’t think you are obligated to invite them if you don’t want to, although I personally would find it a little bit awkward to break the news to them if you decide not to invite them because I think it does sound like they already assume they are invited.  I don’t like confrontation and would want to include such generous friends in my big day so I would probably end up inviting them.  But I would say that I think if you decide not to invite them, it would be in poor taste to take them up on their offers for facials/wedding hair etc.

Post # 5
72 posts
Worker bee

The only scenario I can imagine in which it wouldn’t be incredibly rude and inconsiderate to exclude these generous friends while at the same time accepting their help would be if you were having a very small family-only wedding.

Post # 6
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

It does seem as though your generous friends are assuming they’ll be invited.  As long as the invitations haven’t been sent out yet, you could always add them to the guest list.  Guest lists can always change, as a previous poster said.  Fiance and I purposely left room on our guest list for friendships that may grow or change in the time before our wedding.  If for some reason, you are not able to add them, it would be best to decline their generous offers of help.  It would spare hurt feelings later and you having to explain yourself to them.

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