(Closed) Inviting Guaranteed no's?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I think you should send them a save the date and an invite.

 

Be careful with this though.  A lot of people invited people that they thought were guaranteed no’s who ended up RSVPing yes.  People can surprise you.

Post # 5
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmm interesting shall tag this for future reference.

Post # 6
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’d invite them.  They’ll probably be hurt if you don’t acknowledge them.  We invited my aunt and uncle knowing with 99% certainty they would refuse.  My Dad had to chase them to send the RSVP, and it was a no, and it’s honestly a relief (very antisocial people who’d sit there all day with miserable faces and not talk to anyone).  But at leat I know my concience is clear any they made the decision not to come.

Post # 7
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

We’re sending out Save-The-Date Cards to my FH’s Canadian family, and we’re definitely going to invite them (about 40 of them…) even though we know almost all of them won’t come. It’s hard, because we’re having to budget for them in our rough costings until we know for certain, but that’s life.

What I was planning to do was send out Save The Dates about a year in advance, to give them time to save up for flights etc (possibly further in advance), and then send out their invites in a ‘first wave’ if you will, ahead of the other guests, to give them time to reply and then we can rejig guest-lists accordingly, depending on venue minimum numbers. (That’s the other problem – because there are so many of them, a lot of the venues have minimum and maximum numbers. It may be that we have to book a room with a larger minimum number than we need on the off chance that they all turn up, and then if they don’t, invite more people so we don’t lose the venue. Not a problem, just awkward because it then becomes difficult to get things settled.)

Post # 8
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d also invite.  If it’s just a few people, I’d also include a personal note that says something along the lines of “We know it would be difficult to come, but we love you and wanted you to know how much we would love to have you there.”

Post # 9
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We sent 5 invites we knew would come back no. All of them did (althought one couple missed the RSVP deadline). All 5 were out of town. One is disabled, two have ill husbands, etc. We sent Save-The-Date Cards and invites and appreciated it. 

Post # 10
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@cirk:  I invited for sure no’s. They had told me ahead of time they couldn’t come, mostly due to health reasons. I sent them an invitation because they are important to me and had they been able to come, I would have wanted them there.

Post # 11
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I sent Save-The-Date Cards and invitations to guaranteed no’s among our relatives.  I think they would have been offended if we hadn’t!  None of them ended up coming.  The only “guaranteed” no’s that attended were the ones my ILs promised wouldn’t show up. 😉

Post # 12
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would invite them, I am sending my grandparents an invite even though their health won’t permit them to travel to my wedding. I was told it is the polite thing to do and I do want to acknowledge them, I would love for them to be there but I know they can’t go so at least them getting an invite lets them know I am thinking of them.

Post # 13
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

We haven’t gotten to that stage yet, but when we do my plan is to absolutely invite them and then when I know they are very, very important to me, but can’t make it, I’m going to invite them to “contribute in some kind of way- a trinket or brooch for my bouquet, a handkerchief, my “something old” or “something blue” that kind of thing. 

Post # 14
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You are supposed to invite everyone you would invite if in an ideal world they would be able to come. You are not supposed to make assumption (no matter how sure you are) about their plans and take away their right to choose for themselves. Even if someone has told you they wouldn’t come, you should still invite them if you would want them there if they could.

So you should invite them

Post # 15
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

As long as you would invite them if it was a local wedding then for sure invite them since you don’t want to hurt their feelings.They would probably love to get an invite. Inviting people who you know will say no to get a gift from them is a whole other issue which it doesn’t sound like is going on here.

Post # 16
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s polite to invite them, even if they will say no.  They might surprise you and come!  They  might be upset to not receive an invitiation, as if they were an oversight, rather than understanding that you were trying to not put pressure on them.  Invite away!

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