(Closed) Inviting guests to bar after the rehearsal dinner-but we aren’t paying?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
12955 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d spread it via word of mouth, and make it known that it’s a casual thing.  I think by putting something in the welcome bags, it seems more like a wedding event, which would suggest you’d be paying.  But if you make it more casual and just a word-of-mouth invitation, then I wouldn’t expect you’d be hosting. 

Post # 4
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

I don’t think it’s rude to just let people know where you’ll be if they’d like to join you.  It’s completely optional and with the later timeframe I’d never assume that the host was picking up the tab for the after-party bar.  Just keep it simple and state the timeframe.  OR you could talk to the bar about doing some special happy hour for you and get special pricing, which you could then mention in the invite.  Like “We’ll be at Bar from 8-10 and would love for you to join us!  Bar is offering our favorite drink for only $2.95 as well – hope to see you there!”

Post # 5
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve been to several weddings that have done this. So you have a chance to visit with out of town guests. We are doing this as well as a ‘we will be at ______ for breakfast the morning after’ so if people wnat they can hang out with us. I don’t think it’s rude.

Post # 6
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s rude, and this is pretty typical in my family.  However, the bride and groom don’t usually include a note in the welcome bag about it.  A few people will just spread the word so it’s a lot more casual.  I don’t think anyone would be expecting you to pay if they heard from someone else that the bride and groom will be at the hotel bar later that night.  But some people might be confused if they receive something written from you.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think it’s rude. The only thing I would suggest is including the note, because at my friends wedding I attended with a few other college friends we didn’t know local friends or family so we didn’t get information passed on to us. She didn’t give us a timeline or note, so we missed almost all of the wedding events like welcome dinner, tour/hangout before wedding and everyone at our dinner table was talking about it.

Post # 8
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re struggling with wording on this, too. We are having the same scheme as you – tiny rehearsal dinner, followed by a bar outing that we are not hosting. We thought about putting it on the wedding website and in the welcome bags, but as @abbie017:  says, our fear is that it will seem like a wedding event (and therefore something we should be paying for). The other side of that argument is – if we use word-of-mouth for 160-some guests, people might be at a loss for details (DW wedding, no one will know where this place is) or won’t find out at all. While we don’t expect everyone to attend, we also don’t want anyone to feel as though they were purposefully left out.

So, we are leaning toward including the invitation. We may say something like “Bride and Groom will be at Generic Pub from 7:30pm – 9:30pm on Friday. If you’re in the area, please drop by and say hello!” We’d like to avoid writing “cash bar” on the website or in the gift bags, but we may have to if this isn’t clear.

Post # 9
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I like bythebook’s wording, but maybe add in something like “Drinks are between $5 and $12.”  This hints that guests will pay for themselves without being too obvious.

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The hotel we selected does a free happy hour every night, so we’re trying to build at least two “meet and greet” type gatherings around that event. We’ll order some small nibbles but are trying to control the budget, and if the free happy hour is already given to each guest as part of their room rate, I can’t think of a better way to keep costs under control. 

FWIW this is a pretty standard offering at the Embassy Suites chain (they call it Manager’s Reception), and there’s a couple other chains that do a similar “hospitality hour.”  It was also one of the key reasons we picked this hotel.  We have some guests who will be making a very long weekend or even a full week visit and between free happy hour and their standard free breakfast, it eliminates a lot of the daily expense our guests would have to bear.  In most USA states it’s unlimited free rail drinks/beer/wine but in NJ it’s one free drink per day per guest and in NC it’s two; probably some other oddball states that have a liquor law limiting how much booze they can give away.

Post # 11
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you do put a note in the welcome bags you can just write that it is No Host and that right there says you are not paying 🙂 I have been to a wedding that they did this the night before and there was no problems 🙂

Post # 12
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also I think it’s a farily common assumption that once the reception is over, the part of the celebration that the host is paying for is also over. Same goes for the rehearsal dinner— once dinner’s been bought and paid for, everyone’s on their own for bartabs.

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