inviting guests who didn't receive a save the date

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I thought save the dates were basically so people could reserve hotels and transportation and stuff.  They’re not necessary.  So don’t worry about it.

Post # 4
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

we added a bunch to our invite list later that didn’t receive save-the-dates early on.  I think its fine.

Post # 6
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We didn’t send Save-The-Date Cards to everybody on the guest list.  We had a few people who we wern’t 100% sure about and (I never said this…) some people who we don’t really want to come, but have to invite didn’t get a STD.

Post # 7
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

we only sent stds to people we knew we could 100% invite…but we had a seperate list of maybes… i dont think there is anything wrong with it.

Post # 8
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think it will be fine if you sent them invites.  it has only been the last 4-5 years that i’ve seen std’s being used and not everyone uses them.

Post # 9
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, call me a bit of an Etiquette Snob (everyone else does)…

Be assured there is absolutely NO PROBLEM with this…

Save the Dates (STD) are a relatively NEW thing so, so they don’t have a lot of required etiquette associated with them…

The RULE is, that a Written Invitation actually is what takes presidence… so no problem inviting someone who didn’t previously get a STD beforehand.

Key things though to keep in mind… when Inviting someone who is clearly on the B-List is

1- Make sure they are not aware of that

2- Mailed out formal Invites should still be in-tune with whatever dates are printed on your RSVP Info

3- IF for some reason you are in a position to add on even extra people, 2 Weeks or less before the printed RSVP Reply Dates, then they should be VERY close friends and you should extend the Invite vocally… by a one-on-one conversation… “Hey we’ve found ourself in a situation where we’ve had quite a few family members say they cannot attend, so now we can open it up to friends… of course we are asking our closest friends knowing that you understand… we’d love you to join us… what do you think”

Friends will most likely reply in person, or by phone, email, fax or personal note.  Last Minute Invites should most definitely include a PLUS ONE for their Guest / Escort.  And a copy of the Invite (without the RSVP Card) should be given to them as a reference point (keepsake) of the event and relative pertinent details.

Hope this helps,


Post # 11
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I dont think everyone uses save the dates now so I thinking just sending an invite would be fine

Post # 11
1 posts
  • Wedding: February 2016

My wife and I are currently on the receiving end of this situation.

The daughter of a 1st cousin sent out “save the date” cards but not to us. How did we find out? We’re all Facebook friends and “others” started cooing about receive their S-T-D cards.

Recently, the mother of the bride mentioned in a phone call about looking forward to seeing us at the wedding… but we don’t even know if we’re being invited or not! It was a very awkward conversation; we didn’t mention our “lack of getting a save the date card”. We always thought we were close to the mother-of-the-bribe’s family and we’re certainly NOT strangers or unfriendly with the bride.

In the end, we’re upset that either
1) We’re not getting invited to the wedding or
2) We’re on the B-list when we thought we were on the A-list

So, my advice to brides reading this posting is to show your “save the date” recipient list to your parents to ensure you’re not insulting relatives.

Post # 12
2666 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I don’t see a problem with doing this at all. We haven’t got our Save-The-Date Cards yet (that’s one of the next projects!) but have a few people that we are still wondering whether to invite or not – they most likely won’t receive a STD but may still receive a wedding invite. When my Future Sister-In-Law got married they only sent Save-The-Date Cards to guests that would have to travel to attend. This was just to let them know the date as soon as possible so that they could start looking into accommodation, flights, getting time off work, etc.

Post # 13
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

birdy3dogs:  are you sure this is what happened? I only ask because this just happened to us as a misunderstanding. My fiance’s mom sent us the addresses for her extended family, I assumed they were correct because I really have no way (or time) to check them and I asked her specifically if she knew them to be current and correct. Turned out one was wrong and that person was hurt that they didn’t receive a save the date when that was not our intention. 

Not saying that it’s not possible that they intentionally didn’t send you one, but maybe it was a misunderstanding.

Post # 14
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

penguinwapi:  birdy3dogs:  Same thing happened to us! The guest actually  asked us about it otherwise we wouldn’t have known!

ETA: they only asked after we said something about how we hoped to see them there so it wasn’t rude. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  colld88.
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