Post # 1
Hey Ladies! I know there’s been past posts about the “who to invite” dilemma but I haven’t seen one exactly like this. There’s been no falling out, no drama, no negativity of any kind. I’m just wondering if I should invite some old childhood friends that I was extremely close with– not just “friendly with” (and I was even the maid of honor for one) from young childhood (grade school or earlier) all through high school or college years, but then grew apart just because life happens, people move etc. These friends have married, have kids now, etc. (We are 40, I’m an older bride, to give perspective) and I moved to Chicago, and we just fell out of touch. I’m sure there’s still great mutual affection and good memories but we haven’t seen each other in over a decade. I’m getting married back in our hometown and would love them all to be there, but don’t know if they would appreciate the invitation or if it would feel more like an awkward obligation since it’s been so long. One girl was my next door neighbor and we were like sisters, inseparable, from age 4-19 or so. Another was one of my very best friends in grade school and junior high. You know, the weekly sleepovers, doing everything together kind. A couple others weren’t childhood friends but were my two very closest friends in college. We were the three musketeers and were also inseparable. They saw me through some very hard times. But that was when we were 18–20-somethings and really didn’t see each other in our 30s at all due to marriage, families, moving etc. We are still in contact on facebook though. I want them there, they wouldn’t “bump” anyone else off, but would an invitation be off-putting in any way? Sorry so long! Thanks for the feeback!
Post # 3
@amyeb25: You know, it could go one of two ways, they either open the envelope, read the invitation and get all kinds of excited for you and to see you…or, they’re completely blown away by the fact that they were invited at all and assume you only did it to get butts in the seats or for a gift….
There’s no real way to predict, but maybe a phone call, and some non-wedding related get together would test the waters more effectively?
Post # 4
@amyeb25: “I’m getting married back in our hometown and would love them all to be there”
That’s your asnwer. Invite them. If they don’t want to come, they can politely decline. If you feel this way there is a good chance they do too. We all miss our old friends.
Post # 5
@amyeb25: I think you should invite them. I recently got into contact with a cousin I haven’t seen in FOREVER. She lives in Hawaii and when I was younger and would go visit our grandparents…I was always with her and her family. But after my grandmother passed away and my grandfather couldn’t care less about his children and grandchildred I lost contact with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I know she won’t be able to attend our wedding, but I want her to know she’s invited…she’s really the only family I have on that side, so I plan on sending her an invite. IMO, its the thought that counts…so i say go for it 🙂 The worst that can happen is they won’t attend, but i’m sure they will appreciate the thought regardless.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@amyeb25: I say yes. You were once very close and you still keep in contact some what and there was no drama or break up.
I am inviting 3 high school friends. Two of them I haven’t talked to in about 3 years. The third is going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and kinda wondering about it. We aren’t really that close anymore, saw eachother once 2 years ago and she might stop by this winter, talk online often so we will see what happens there….
Post # 7
I think only you can judge the relationship. I have friends I rarely get to see that I was best friends with in high school, that I still invited. We keep in touch via Facebook and try to hang out if the others in town but I still FEEL close to them, so I invited them. For perspective, the girl who was my best friend through much of elementary school was not invited. No fall out, fight, anything, we just grew into different people that care about the other but I did not feel close to her.
If you can afford it, and you want them there, then go for it. They can always decline. As long as you include their spouses/SOs if they have them, no one would be insulted.
Post # 8
@Nona99: +1 I agree with reaching out to them for a non-wedding related meeting/call/etc. to feel them out, then make your decision.
Post # 9
I have never gotten an invitation to a wedding and assumed it was a gift grab. Possibly because I do not see my friends as loathese creatures. Possibly because I know that hosting a wedding costs far more than gifts (Seriously. Do people think that couples are heading out of a wedding with more than they invested into it? If all a bride wanted was gifts, she’d get married in the courthouse, furnish her home with $1500 in basic appliances and dishes and such, and then go buy a nice car and $3,500 in really amazing shoes, right? That’s better than hosting this massive event because she wants her friends to buy her a toaster.)
If one of my childhood friends invited me to their wedding, I would be DELIGHTED to attend, and I bet your buddies would to. Even if they can’t attend, it’s a sweet reminder that they are in your heart.
Post # 10
I would add a handwritten note on the invitation telling them I miss them and want to see them and couldn’t imagine getting married wihout them there 🙂 they’ll love that!
Post # 11
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Do it. I was a 40-yr old bride, and if we’d have the budget, there are a few women in my life, similar to the ones you mentioned, whom I would have love to have had there. One difference: I saw them at our high school reunion a couple years ago/reconnected.
They can always decline, so there’s no loss in sending an invite.
Post # 13
@Nona99: +1. I personally wouldn’t but to each their own.