(Closed) Inviting Married CO-Workers without guest.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well its alright, but you might not have alot of those co workers attened. Some might take offence and other just might say that since their spouse cant be there then they would feel uncomfortable going. You can give it a shot. I completely understand why you are doing it but it might just be a little risky. Either way though good luck!

Post # 4
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I do not think it’s OK.  Married couples are a social unit; your co-workers need to be invited with their spouses.  If you’ve known them for 10 years, I imagine you’re friendly?  I mean, they’re not JUST the people you work with, right?  And if they are just the people you work with, I just wouldn’t invite them at all.

Post # 5
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m not a fan of the idea.  If you were in their situation, how would you feel? 

Post # 6
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you see these people outside of work?  If you don’t, then I don’t think they would be offended if they weren’t invited at all as long as you explained that you had to keep it at close family and friends only for your budget.

Post # 7
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I tend to agree with ThePinkSuperhero on this one. BUT, if you’re close enough to your co-workers to want them at your wedding, you could always just explain the situation to them and ask them if it’s okay for you to invite them sans spouses as a sort of girls night out for the group of them? Maybe?

Post # 8
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Sorry, it’s never ok to invite one half of a social unit without the other.  That means that husbands/wives, engaged couples, or couples who live together must be invited together.  It’s extremely rude not to.  I would not attend a wedding if my FI/husband was not invited.  I would be much more offended to be invited without him than if I had never been invited in the first place.  Please rethink this idea. Your coworkers will understand if you don’t have the space to invite all/any of them, but they’ll be insulted if you invite them solo.

Post # 9
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

You really can’t invite people without their spouses. I don’t think that’s ok.

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Also, check out the thread just a few below this one on the Etiquette page called “My husband was invited to wedding… but not me” if you want to see how people react to receiving invitations without their spouses.

Post # 11
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that with coworkers it’s different than with social friends.  You probably never see your coworkers except at work.  You’ve probably never met their husbands/wives.  I completely agree with how you’ve set up your rule: you’re inviting just the coworkers, making no exceptions for spouses, and seating them all together.  There’s no reason that both people have to attend your wedding.  I don’t think that just because you’re married you suddenly become a “social unit.”  I am one person, an individual, who happens to be married.  I wouldn’t be offended if my coworker didn’t invite my husband, and he wouldn’t want to go anyway.

That other thread is different, the bride didn’t invite a wife then invited a girlfriend.  IMO, that’s just not the same thing.

You may have a few people decline, but then again your coworkers may want to go out without their spouses!  I think it’s perfectly fine.

Post # 12
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that it has the potential to be sticky, and the way that people respond will be different.  I wouldn’t be OFFENDED to be invited without my SO in this instance, but I still may not GO unless I was really good friends with the other women, so that I would feel comfortable. 

I think that if you just invite the ladies AND explain the situation to them explicitly (I.e. “I really wanted to invite all of you to the wedding, but 20 guests would have put us over our count….I couldn’t bear to not invite some of you, so this was the only solution I could think of.  I hope that you aren’t offended, and are able to come.  I would love to see you there, but if you can’t come without your husband, I totally understand.”)  I think you SHOULD be okay.  

Post # 13
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

But Mightysapphire, she’s probably inviting the girlfriends/boyfriends of some of her social friends while leaving her coworkers spouses out, so I do think the situation is the same. 

Regardless, whatever you decide to do, I think the main thing to take away from this thread that that some people won’t care at all, some people might be a little bothered by it, and some people will be highly offended.  If you want to take the chance that your coworkers are all in the first two categories, then that’s your choice.  I wouldn’t do it because you still have to see these people at work and things could get awkward, but it’s your wedding not mine.  The right choice for me and my wedding might not be the right choice for you and yours.  That’s just my opinion.

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think that if you just invite the ladies AND explain the situation to them explicitly (I.e. “I really wanted to invite all of you to the wedding, but 20 guests would have put us over our count….I couldn’t bear to not invite some of you, so this was the only solution I could think of.  I hope that you aren’t offended, and are able to come.  I would love to see you there, but if you can’t come without your husband, I totally understand.”)  I think you SHOULD be okay.

See, if it were me, the big explanation would just make me madder, and make me feel like the bride was trying to pressure me into going without my spouse.  You can call it a girl’s night all you want, but to split up married couples at a wedding seems really weird to me- far outside the spirit of the event.  If you’re going to do it, just do it, and let the cards fall.

Post # 15
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

As long as my coworker friends would be there and I was able to sit with them I woudln’t mind at all!

The coworkers I invited are all coming together and none of them are bringing their spouses. They actually didn’t want their husbands there! A lot of guys (at least the ones i’ve dealt with) don’t like going to weddings, especially for someone they don’t really know.

Post # 16
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it’s OK, actually… but I suppose it would kind of depend on the social norms of the group you’re with.  You could definitely expect at least some of them to ask if their spouse was invited, though, I’d think… which might get a bit awkward.

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