Post # 1
Fiance and I are planning to have our wedding ceremony and reception in a concert hall above a bar, and that also is a bar in itself. The venue has an upstairs area that can probably handle 100-150 standing, and the downstairs is probably another 150 seated leaving room for a dance floor and cake/food stuff, so we can have up to 150ish seated but an equal number or so standing.
Would it be distasteful to invite 150 close friends and family to the ceremony and dinner around 5, and invite additional people to come around 8 or so for a band, cake and some dancing? My concern is that other ppl might feel bad that they weren’t invited for the ceremony and dinner, but at the same time I’ve been invited to receptions but not the ceremony, so I’m not sure if this would be awkward or not. For what it’s worth, most people have been to concerts at this venue before and it’s pretty informal and doesn’t scream wedding, and no one has ever gotten married there before. So… do you think we can invite people to an afterparty at the same place where we are having our wedding and reception?
Post # 3
Ehh… that is not nice. I understand that you want to include everyone, however feelings will most definitely get hurt in this situation.
Post # 4
@GrumpyPumpkin: My husband had a co-worker do that to us and we were very insulted. Either invite us to the wedding or don’t invite us. An invite to after the ceremony drinks is insulting and seems like the couple is just fishing for gifts from people who they don’t consider worthy of a real invitation.
Post # 5
That’s pretty rude. It will seem like you’re just fishing for gifts and that they are not “good enough” to be invited. The only way I would not be offended by a second tier invite would be if the ceremony was super super private (immediate family only + officiant) and EVERYONE else was invited to dinner and drinks after. If there are people you want to invite but don’t have room for, you can redo your guest list or find a larger venue.
Post # 6
IMO the only time it is okay to invite to just the reception and not the ceremony is if you either got married at the JOP or you had a destination wedding and later have an in-town reception.
Post # 7
Honestly all my Fiance friends ASKED us to do this, said they wouldn’t mind but i said no, we found a way to pay for everyone to come. Although in his circle of friends this was totally acceptable. And i have found on these boards its one of the things EVERYone seems to agree on.
Post # 8
Same here, my Fiance and I were invited to the “after” party of a wedding and didn’t end up going. I felt a bit awkward about it, but luckily we weren’t close to the couple to begin with. A lot of the friends in our group (from a sports team if that clears things up) went and had a great time. It just wasn’t for me. 🙂
Post # 9
In my area, it’s very common to have ‘dance invites’ where basically the dance is opened up to all your friends. I grew up in a small town. You can’t possibly invite all 1K people, but they all want to pop over. They know that gifts are not a part of it, they just come and dance the night away.
If your group is familiar with this type of situation, then go for it. If it’s not something generally done in your circle, then I probably wouldn’t.
Post # 10
I think if you’re calling it an after party and your friends understand that it’s just for fun and they didn’t have to bring a gift..then it would be cool. If everyone invited know your true intention, they should be happy to join you if they didn’t feel oblidged to get an expensive gift. 🙂 I would totally go if i know that it’s only for drinks and dancing..(that way I could go eat before). I’d probably just get a smaller gift.
Post # 11
In the UK this is perfectly normal. There are some venues that even insist you have more guests for the evening reception. They turn up after the speeches, around about dancing time. Personally though, I find it insulting – like being but on a B list. If you’re having a small wedding though it could work in your favour.