(Closed) Inviting more people after dinner?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Inviting more people than can fit at dinner to the 2nd half of the reception (at a bar)...

    Sounds fine, more people can come and still have a good time

    Sounds tacky, they'll feel like 2nd tier friends

  • Post # 3
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ehh… that is not nice. I understand that you want to include everyone, however feelings will most definitely get hurt in this situation.

    Post # 4
    37 posts
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @GrumpyPumpkin:  My husband had a co-worker do that to us and we were very insulted.  Either invite us to the wedding or don’t invite us.  An invite to after the ceremony drinks is insulting and seems like the couple is just fishing for gifts from people who they don’t consider worthy of a real invitation. 

    Post # 5
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    That’s pretty rude.  It will seem like you’re just fishing for gifts and that they are not “good enough” to be invited.  The only way I would not be offended by a second tier invite would be if the ceremony was super super private (immediate family only + officiant) and EVERYONE else was invited to dinner and drinks after.  If there are people you want to invite but don’t have room for, you can redo your guest list or find a larger venue.

    Post # 6
    395 posts
    Helper bee

    IMO the only time it is okay to invite to just the reception and not the ceremony is if you either got married at the JOP or you had a destination wedding and later have an in-town reception.

    Post # 7
    1697 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Honestly all my Fiance friends ASKED us to do this, said they wouldn’t mind but i said no, we found a way to pay for everyone to come. Although in his circle of friends this was totally acceptable. And i have found on these boards its one of the things EVERYone seems to agree on.

    Post # 8
    7605 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Same here, my Fiance and I were invited to the “after” party of a wedding and didn’t end up going.  I felt a bit awkward about it, but luckily we weren’t close to the couple to begin with.  A lot of the friends in our group (from a sports team if that clears things up) went and had a great time.  It just wasn’t for me. 🙂

    Post # 9
    5117 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In my area, it’s very common to have ‘dance invites’ where basically the dance is opened up to all your friends. I grew up in a small town. You can’t possibly invite all 1K people, but they all want to pop over. They know that gifts are not a part of it, they just come and dance the night away.

    If your group is familiar with this type of situation, then go for it. If it’s not something generally done in your circle, then I probably wouldn’t.

    Post # 10
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think if you’re calling it an after party and your friends understand that it’s just for fun and they didn’t have to bring a gift..then it would be cool. If everyone invited know your true intention, they should be happy to join you if they didn’t feel oblidged to get an expensive gift. 🙂 I would totally go if i know that it’s only for drinks and dancing..(that way I could go eat before). I’d probably just get a smaller gift.

    Post # 11
    4610 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    In the UK this is perfectly normal.  There are some venues that even insist you have more guests for the evening reception.  They turn up after the speeches, around about dancing time.  Personally though, I find it insulting – like being but on a B list.  If you’re having a small wedding though it could work in your favour.

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