(Closed) Inviting more people than you can fit/pay for?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
11259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MargaritaVille:  i couldn’t imagine doing this.  the stress would drive me crazy.  luckily, we had a small wedding so we weren’t even close on the venue capacity and it didn’t really matter about the budget.

i’ve seen where the couple has the A list and B list.  some people find that a bit rude but i’ve been on the B list before (work colleagues) and it didn’t bother me.

Post # 19
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

It’s a very risky game to play. Generally, under 100 guests = 80% RSVP yes; over 100 = 70% RSVP yes. But… sometimes every single darn person comes. You had better be able and prepapred to cover everyone just in case, even if you don’t plan to have to fit and pay for everyone.

Post # 20
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@MargaritaVille:  I don’t even want to get into this arguement with you.


Post # 21
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

I had really hoped to avoid a B list, but it has happened. Fact of the matter is, I want certain friends at my wedding, but my family takes priority. That being said, we have several family members who live out of state and probably can’t come. Key word is probably. So we’re sending their invites out probably 3 months early and asking them to RSVP by two months before the wedding. If they can’t come, then we have more room for +1’s (to people who aren’t already engaged/living together/dating for at least a year, etc.) and for friends of ours. (Mostly +1’s on the “B” list.)

Of course I want everyone to be invited right off the bat, but we can’t. So we’ll ask family first and if they can’t, Id rather invite friends in a second round than not invite them at all! I personally wouldn’t care if I was B-listed, I’d be happy that they want me there! Unless I was convinced it was just a gift grab lol.

Post # 22
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

What is the different between your minimum and maximum?  We have a 30 person difference so I am not stresing.  I would not go over too much of your maximum because no on wants to be at a wedding with a table of 14 that really sits 12.

Post # 23
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

Yikes I would never do this!

Post # 24
4098 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We are over inviting by about 30, (inviting 200 with an expected turnout of ~170) but there are a handul I am sure won’t show.. I don’t like ‘b lists’.. I would hate for someone to find out they were on the ‘b list’ and were only considered because an ‘a lister’ couldn’t come :-

Post # 26
3336 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

What if they all come?  Then you’re forced to pay for a wedding you can’t afford!  What a horrible idea!

I think the point is that on average, about 10% of people you invite don’t end up coming.  So, maybe you can afford 100 guests.  90 come, and you feel cheated because you cut your guest list to a strict 100 and could have had those couple extra guests since only 90 came.  But I look at it as money saved!!  I’m actually hoping that not everyone we invited comes.  We can afford it because it’s within budget, but I’d rather just have the most important people there.  You know there’s a lot of people you’re forced to invite out of etiquette, and I just couldn’t care less about them showing up.

If you want to invite a couple extra over your max number, I don’t think there’s a lot of harm in that.  The odds of 100% showing up are very low.  That being said, definitely don’t invite more than 10% of what you can afford because then you’re guaranteeing trouble!  Keep it to 2% or 3% max.

Post # 27
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We invited about 120 and only wanted a max of 75. But first, it was a destination wedding (New Orleans) to which all but 4 guests had to travel, and second, we had a “cocktail” style reception without assigned seating where the stated max for the room we rented was 150. Now, I knew damn well there was no way 150 (or even 120) people could comfortably fit in that space, but I also knew that even if every invited guest came they would have to physically accommodate us. I would not have invited more than the maximum number of people that could technically fit in the room.

In the end we had 75 exactly. But there were a couple of weeks there at the end where I was sweating bullets about every possible unexpected “yes.” So I’m not saying my way was smart. In the end it worked out but it did cause me a lot of anxiety for a few weeks.

Post # 28
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@MargaritaVille:  Yes. We are doing it. We can fit 180 comfortably in the church and 200 comfortably in the reception venue. We have 235 on the invite list, but only 180 named adults  (170 of them got a save the date, plus 10 coworkers who may or may not be invited), 45 children, and then plus ones that we aren’t set on giving. We are expecting several families not to bring their children, and we will be having baby sitters to watch the others, so they will not count towards capacity (the kids will be downstairs).

Out of the 170 named adults, 6 are international and 70 will have to fly in. I am willing to bet only 140 adults and 25 children, at most, will come. If everyone comes, we can make it work, but I really hope they don’t.

Post # 29
9791 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have a max on your room limit or if you truly can’t afford it if everyone showed up then I would be very hesitant about over-inviting.  Maybe you know for a fact that someone won’t be able to come but you’d like to invite them anyway so it might be okay to over invite a few.  But inviting 20-30 over your max is just asking for stress and trouble.  I’m not sure it’s worth it.

I think I am inviting around 115 (?) and I am hoping that I have only 80 guests there (quite a few are out of town w/kids).  The room is big enough for everyone and I could pay for them, but I’m still only hoping 80 will come so I can do something else with the extra room. 

Post # 30
1094 posts
Bumble bee

We did this, much to DH and I’s disaproval. Our venue hold comfortably 280 and we invited just over 400. However, our situation is not “typical”, DH’s family is from a close community and had many “invitation obligations” that they knew wouldn’t come (because they were Out of Town or because they never come to things they invite them too). I must admit, we we’re very resistant and scared to send out this many invitations, but ultimately, we were totally fine (even came in below maximum capacity).

Post # 31
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

We invited 318 guests and our venue can really only comfortably hold 220 people. We are getting married in my Fiance home town, so all of my family has to travel about 2 hours to get there. We are also getting married in January in Wisconsin, so weather is a big deal too. We have family and friends from all over the US and one of our groomsmen is from Australia! We ended up with a final count of 205 and that includes all of our vendors. 

I worried about the final count, but we knew that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to make the trip. I can relax now, the big day is just 2 weeks away!

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