(Closed) Inviting more people than you can fit/pay for?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
3763 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We are overinviting by a pretty good number, as well. A lot of the overages are known to be obligatory only, and I’m really not stressing out about going over our max.

Post # 33
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We are definitely risking a lot.

Our reception venue can hold 1000+ — no risk here.

Our ceremony venue can hold 425 — so some risk here.

BUT we are budgeting for 400 guests and inviting approximately 725 – which is roughly 55% attendance.  — big risk.

I know, based on other weddings of cousins and friends – that less than 50% of *my* portion of the guest list (roughly 300 guests) will attend… so if 100% of his guest list shows then we’ll be at 600 guests.  The likely hood of 100% of his guests attending is very low… I’m guessing more like 65% of his will attend – so like 275.  That makes 425 guests total…

We will see. haha…  sorry if those numbers are confusing.

EDIT:  I figure that we’ll lose a few between the ceremony and reception because of the 20 minute drive.  So I’m thinking it will be perfect haha…

Post # 34
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@Christy42213:   You know there’s a lot of people you’re forced to invite out of etiquette



Just to clarify.  There is no etiquette expert that says anyone MUST be invited, aside from social units. 

You don’t want to invite your mom, you don’t have to.  You don’t want to invite Aunt Betty, but do not want to invite her sister, Aunt Francis, you don’t have to.

Post # 36
Member
3336 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

View original reply
@andielovesj:  Maybe “etiquette” isn’t the right word.  But there were definitely some people that I didn’t even KNOW let alone want to invite to my wedding, but I basically feel forced to.  People like my future MIL’s great aunt and my dad’s childhood best friend.  I invited them to keep the peace, not because I want to.  I absolutely hate my brother and am not speaking to him.  But I’m inviting him to my wedding because people would frown at me if I didn’t.  I’m about picking your battles, and in my situation, it’s not a fight worth having.

Post # 37
Member
3763 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@Christy42213:  I feel ya on the obligatory invites. It helped me to know most of them weren’t coming, Future Mother-In-Law just wanted them to get an invite.

Post # 38
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@littlemisst08:  Yes…. I need it lol…  Worse case scenario is that we rent pub tables for standing room around the dance floor.  We are also having a buffet – so people will be able to mingle, sit down, whatever without feeling like they have to be at a certain place.

Post # 39
Hostess
8570 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Our venue can hold a max of 100 people, [but that’s WITHOUT a dancing/bar/lounge area]. Since we are adding these, it will only hold around 50. We are inviting around 60-70, but, we expect a good portion of them not to show [as they are 2,000 miles away]. My Future Mother-In-Law thought it would be a good idea to invite them anyway, as they have invited my fi and his family to other weddings. We only expect 35-40 to show.

I would say its okay to invite more if you KNOW for a fact that some of them will not go.

Post # 40
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are inviting about 175 and hoping for 150. We can afford and seat all of these people, so I guess this is an exception. Money will be tight if all 175 people RSVP yes. But because my wedding will be a travel endeavor for my family and we have elderly invites and a couple of overseas relatives, I really doubt we will be at perfect attendance. 

Post # 41
Member
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re only inviting as many as we can handle. I couldn’t take the stress of hoping people wouldn’t come!

Post # 42
Member
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Back when I had a 75 person Destination Wedding planned (canceled for an elopement), the venue could only hold exactly 75 people.  So if we went over, we would have been forced to rent the restauarnt side of the venue which was uber pricey.  But if fewer showed up, we only pay for those that attended.

Our guest list was at exactly 75.  I did not invite people I knew would not fly or could not fly – like my grandma for example.  So no “courtesty invitations” despite their relationship with me.  They aren’t coming so why would they expect an invitation? 

If they truly cannot make it but you still wanted to do a courtesy invitation, then I probably would not count them in the guest count then.  But you’d have to be 100% sure!

We also did not do a B list.  If they did not fit on our original guest list, and they ended not making the trip, then oh well!  It would be cheaper for us (less plates) and a more intimate wedding then.  The cost actually would have gone down with fewer people (opposed to some places who you pay upfront and then have to pay regardless if guests show up).

 

Post # 43
Member
10449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think a handful of extras over is safe but I wouldn’t go crazy over-inviting people. 

Post # 44
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

When you have a smaller guest list, I feel that you’ll have higher RSVP percentages- one of my friends had a 98% RSVP rate! Decline rates are 10-20% on average- I’ve seen too many posts on the Bee from freaked out brides who can’t fit all their guests in their venue to advise anyone to do this.

Post # 45
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

my venue will hold between 170 -175 (the owner has put both numbers out there… I guess the 175 means tight tables though we will be having about 20 tables so that doesn’t really make sense…) and we are inviting 183 plus I have 2 – 4 couples on the “B list”….. they are close friends who are also planning weddings at the same time and totally understand. I have even joked that I might just invite the girls (my friends) as a couple instead since I am sure the guys could care less….(but I really just hope that it will work out!)

Post # 46
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@wbg21:  I’m from Canada and my fiance is from England.  We’re first inviting all of our family from overseas before we invite friends.  Why?  I have a ridiculously huge family and we are all very close.  Everyone who knows me, knows that my family will always come first and I’m giving them a chance to figure out whether or not they can come well in advance.

My B-list is not full of random people who I figure I can fill the gaps with, they’re very good friends who understand that if many people come from overseas, then we just won’t have the space to invite as many friends.

Yes, I think it’s tacky to invite co-workers and people from the gym or whatever, just to look more popular and fill the room.  We, however, have two set lists.  If we wind up having half of our intended numbers, we don’t care, we’re not going to invite just for the sake of inviting.

 

View original reply
@MargaritaVille:  It seems you and I have similar views in a few threads. – Look at us, being Ms & Ms Unpopular. lol

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