(Closed) Inviting my fiancee's EX to the wedding..??? It's complicated.. :(

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite my fiancee's Ex to the wedding?

    Try to be the bigger person and invite the EX and her fiancee despite it really bothering you.

    Don't invite her. It's your day and you shouldn't let the Ex's presence mar your wedding.

    Oh this is a tough one...

  • Post # 18
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Fi has an ex with simular background neighbor he dated in highschool and a bit in college. Her whole family is coming to the wedding, and I’ve met her and she nice.

    From what you said about the ex it seems like the real issue is your Fi. I would be beyond annoyed if my Fi was “bothered” to see her with her Fi. I don’t know what her intentions are, from what you said it could be that she was being shady, or that she just really wants to be friends with your Fi. I also think dating someone who wasn’t over their ex for three years would not make me want to invite her to the wedding. Perhaps your Fi should talk with best man and tell him he doesn’t feel comfortable or want his sister there. Hopefully her family and inlaws will understand, and if it’s coming from him what can they say?

    Good luck!

    Post # 19
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Leave this one up to your Fiance. Have him talk to his family and guage how they feel about it, too. It sounds like you give this girl a lot of power to make you feel bad. I really think letting those negative feelings cause real, lasting riffs with your in-laws is a mistake. Your wedding is one day, but your marriage and relationship with your new family is much longer and much more important.

    Post # 20
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If it would really upset you and actually ruin you day then feel free not to invite her. personally, though, I would delight in being the bigger person and letting her sit there and watch ME marry the guy, know what I mean? Show her she has no control or power over either of you. Seat her at the reception with the creepiest uncle you have (we all have a creepy uncle!) and enjoy your day with your man, paying her no attention.

    My Fiance works with ex of his who refuses to let him say my name or mention me in any way. He doesn’t want to invite her but I wish he would – I have this dream of meeting her and being sickly sweet to her. A big hug, giant smile and “I’m so glad to finally meet you! Fiance and I talk about you all the time!”

    It would make her horribly uncomfortable. Maybe this makes me a passive aggressive bitch, but I’m ok with that!


    Post # 21
    3336 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think not inviting her will just make you look bad, and will highlight the situation.

    For the sake of family harmony, I would invite her and her Fiance.  You will barely have to interact with her aside from a short hello, and thanks for coming.

    She may decline, you never know.

    Post # 22
    1468 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    it would really suck to feel uncomfortable on YOUR wedding day, or to feel like hey there is his first love, who he still cares about and my future husband doesnt like to see her with her FI and im #2….

    View original reply
    @MidwestBride2012:  yes I agree!

    ugh this sucks, I would not be happy,not that he would cheat but it sounds like he is not really over her and it would suck to feel like #2 on your own wedding day

    Good Luck!  I hope you have an amazing and awkward free wedding!

    Post # 23
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I am in kind of the same situation as you. Although my Fiance and his ex only dated for about 5 months, they were each other’s first loves, and the families are bascially intertwined (they lived next door to each other for 13 years, or-so). Gven the fact that Fiance and I have been together 11½ years, now, her/her family are sort of like my extended family, as well..

    We sent ‘ex’ and her husband (they guy she actually left my Fiance for) an invite as a courtesy.. they declined.

    Post # 24
    2 posts
    • Wedding: July 2013

    If she is going to put a cloud on your wedding day, don’t invite her. That is going to be your day and you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to keep one eye on her all day.  Personally, I would invite her because no matter how hard she tries, she can’t upstage the bride.  If she did try, she’d be the girl everyone was whispering about. I know it is super passive aggressive, but I’d want her to see my husband profess his love and faith to me and for him to become legally mine 🙂

    Post # 25
    4800 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  I agree with you about the whole first love thing – NOT someone who should be at your wedding.

    OP, I think your Fiance needs to bring up this subject with his parents, and give them a heads up that she will probably not be on the guest list, and I think it’s okay for him to tell them that even though his feelings for her have been gone for a long time, seeing her still brings those bad memories and a bit of nostalgia to the surface, and therefore he does not think it’s appropriate to have her at the wedding and he is not comfortable with it (he should NOT make it about you not wanting to invite her). See how they react and go from there.

    Post # 26
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @fivemonthsnotice:  totally agree. I’m still close with my first loves family, but none of them were invited to the wedding.

    Post # 28
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Okay – I think this is kind of silly – his high school girlfriend who he hasn’t dated in over seven years? If she is the sister of his best man and a family friend, and your Fiance wants to invite her, then I think it would be ridiculous not to. At this point, she is not an ex – she’s a family friend who dated your Fiance in high school.

    If he wants her there, I think you’ll come off looking insecure if you insist in not inviting her because she’s an “ex”. You can not invite her because your guest lost doesn’t allow for family friends, but if you’re inviting the rest of her family and not her then you’re just being petty.

    Post # 29
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t think you should invite her.  Who cares if she’s the only one in the family not invited?  We’re in a similar situation.  However, for us there is no doubt at all that FI’s ex is not invited.  FI’s ex is the sister of his best friend/best man.  I have never met FI’s ex and I don’t like her at all just based on the fact that she broke FI’s heart and he took a long time to get over her (this was WAYYYYYY before me).  His ex will still every once in a while send him a message or something to see how things are going, but that’s about it.  Best man and parents have been invited to the wedding, but sister (FI’s ex) has not.  She even had the guts to ask Fiance a couple weeks ago if she was invited and he said no.  He unfortunately put the blame on me saying I didn’t want her there, but whatever!  I don’t give a crap what she or her family thinks.  FI’s OTHER ex on the other hand IS invited.  I’m ok with this one coming though because they’re the type of exes who realized they should never have dated and were meant to just be friends.  I’ve met her and think she’s alright and not a threat at all.  So I’m ok with that friendship.  

    Definitely don’t invite her!  And like PPs said, maybe give a heads up to FI’s family that she won’t be invited, etc.  Sounds like your Fiance is trying to get away from her but she keeps creeping herself back in and hurting him again.  NOT COOL.  No invite!


    Post # 30
    3450 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    From the way you described your FI’s relationship with her being his first love and how heartbroken he was over her, I wouldn’t invite her.  That just doesn’t seem right.

    Post # 31
    26 posts

    For me, when I broke up with my ex’s I kept contact with them at a minimum, and I wouldn’t even think of inviting them to my wedding.  Sounds like this is a tough situation for you, good luck!

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