(Closed) Inviting my fiancee's EX to the wedding..??? It's complicated.. :(

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite my fiancee's Ex to the wedding?

    Try to be the bigger person and invite the EX and her fiancee despite it really bothering you.

    Don't invite her. It's your day and you shouldn't let the Ex's presence mar your wedding.

    Oh this is a tough one...

  • Post # 32
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted to not invite her.  Not only does she bring up negative feelings for you, but also your Fiance.  Maybe his family should understand that it isn’t only you that has those feelings about her.  


    Don’t stress about this!  Make your wedding a day of celebrating your and your FI’s new life together, not about negativity from your past.  The FOCUS should be on you and your Fiance and marrying each other and celebrating with the people you LOVE, not those you think of inviting to ‘be the bigger person’ or doing so for etiquette’s sake.

    Post # 33
    4474 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I don’t understand why you can’t invite just the brother.  Is there a reason for this?  

    Post # 34
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think you should invite her.

    If you want to diffuse the situation I would just have your fiancé give her a call to explain what’s going on. She’ll be sad to not be invited, and probably surprised that you’ve been holding on to this hurt, but ultimately she’ll appreciate that you guys decided to approach her directly. Your fiancé should also approach his best man and explain the background and ask that he tactfully explain your intentions to his family.

    If anyone pushes the issue with you, explain that you and fiancé intend to maintain a relationship with the ex moving forward, but agree that there should be no ex’s at the wedding. Don’t elaborate or make any other excuse. Anyone who pushes the issue will be trying to start an argument or breakdown your reasoning. Your fiancé should take the same approach and maintain a united front.

    Post # 35
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My answer is no. Don’t invite her. I truly believe the wedding needs to be about people who are your supporters and are there to share in your joy.

    Firsts love carry a nostalgic importance that shouldn’t be a part of your wedding. She is not a friend, loved one or family member.

    What was really telling to me, is her attitude to you she flat out ‘ignores you’. She has no manners at all, and harbours a resentment that she no longer even bothers to hide.

    Do you think her presence would distract you in anyway on the day? If so. No invitation. She is not a friend to either of you. Just do what you and your feel is best, explain your feelings to him and I am sure he will understand. As for his family? Stand your ground, if they want to spend time with her they can all go out for dinner on another day, without your Fiance. Your marriage requires no 3rd parties, so why involve them in your wedding?

    Post # 36
    929 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

    Our wedding will be a pretty big meeting of the ex’s! FI’s highschool sweetheart is one of my bridesmaids, my high school sweetheart will be attending as a guest as well. We invited another of his ex’s but she wont be able to make it. And that ex-gf bridesmaid of mine will have to contend with one of her now FI’s exs at the wedding also.

    But honestly, I’m fine with it, he’s fine with it – we all grew up in the same group of friends and we remain friends today.

    I think it’s silly to throw out a blanket ‘NO EX’s!!’. I think it’s fine – as long as you have remained on good terms and are friendly. Certainly don’t invite an ex just because you feel you have to.

    Post # 37
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If your gut is telling you you’re not comortiable with it, then you need to trust that and not invite her.  I certainly wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and so I wouldn’t blame you for not inviting her. First loves are sacred, but they are meant to be learned from and moved on from.  It must be hard that the families are so intertwined, but hopefully everyone will understand where you are coming from.

    Post # 38
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    View original reply
    @b00kbug:  Glad to find someone else that feels like this. One of my exes was at my wedding and my husband and I will be going to his next month. Just because we weren’t right for each other 5 years ago doesn’t mean we need to pretend each other never existed. I’m so damn happy for him and his fiance because they are perfect for each other in a way that we never were. And seriously, not all ex-girlfriends in the entire world are sitting around plotting how to get your man back or are insanely jealous!

    But OP, if you are seriously not comfortable, stand your ground. Honestly, our wedding day was a such a blur of running around that I couldn’t tell you half the people that were there until I actually looked back at pictures and our guestbook – you probably wouldn’t even notice her. And it’s been 7 years, hopefully everyone involved can be adults and not ruin your day! But you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable at your wedding, and if this is truly going to upset you, your FI’s family is just going to have to get over it. 

    Post # 39
    3695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If you don’t want her there, don’t invite her.  I’d hope no one would be so dense and rude to ask the bride on her wedding day “where is your husband’s old girlfriend?”

    Post # 40
    3312 posts
    Sugar bee

    I sat don’t invite her but please update us and let us know what you did and what happened on your wedding day!

    Post # 43
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @Guest13894:  Is there no way you can just invite the best man and not the entire family? I think it would be very awkward to invite the entire family and just single out the ex. What do the FIL’s think?

    Post # 44
    26 posts

    Let us know how this turns out, good luck!

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