(Closed) Inviting my fiancee's EX to the wedding..??? It's complicated.. :(

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I invite my fiancee's Ex to the wedding?

    Try to be the bigger person and invite the EX and her fiancee despite it really bothering you.

    Don't invite her. It's your day and you shouldn't let the Ex's presence mar your wedding.

    Oh this is a tough one...

  • Post # 62
    Member
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @Guest13894:  You say not inviting them would be like not inviting FIL’s kids, but people’s kids don’t date each other, I’m sorry. They need to understand that because there was an intimate relationship they are no longer like “brother and sister” and it is perfectly reasonable for you to prefer that she is not there. Who you invite is not about the past, but about who you want to stand beside you in the present and with you in the future. 

    I’m a little weirded out by the fact that it took/is taking him so long to get over though. All of those problems that you refer to in the first 3 years sound like they were things he allowed to go on. And I don’t mean to be negative, but why can he not stand to see her with her FI? I mean I give him credit for confiding all of this in you but to me it’s just weird. My Fiance is still friends with both of his exes but if he ever expressed to me that he couldn’t stand seeing them with a new guy I would tell him he needs to do some soul searching and figure out why he cares. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    3400 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    @sablemuse:  +1,00000 You articulated what I failed to find the words for.

    Something about his severe heartache (for years of YOUR relationship) is unsettling..

    Post # 64
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Once you’re an adult, you don’t automatically get an invite just because other people in your family do. 100% do not invite her.

    Post # 65
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    ABSOLUTELY NOT.

     

    If your Father-In-Law are upset by not inviting her… it’s a reflection on THEIR character NOT yours. It’s your day.

     

     

    Post # 66
    Member
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Guest13894: you said…

    “Then I found out from the Fiance that the EX felt that I “wasn’t the right girl” for him, that he needs to find someone who can better take care of him, etc., and that she really doesn’t want him to talk about me in front of her at all.”

    Well that would seal the deal right there for me !!

    This would most certainly take me from “sitting on the fence” to making a clear-headed decision

    Besides being an Ex (see my original coment… NO EXES at Weddings)

    She obviously isn’t supportive of your union… and IMO there should be NO ONE invited to a Wedding is quite obviously NOT SUPPORTIVE of the Love that the B&G Share, and the lifelong Vow they are taking.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    11266 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    i don’t think there’s a problem with ex’s at weddings only IF it won’t make anyone uncomfortable.  in your case, i think both you and your fi will feel uncomfortable. 

    you are having doubts for a reason.  trust your gut.  it’s your day and she does not need to be there.

    OP, you mentioned that she invited your fi to her wedding??  he declined b/c it is a destination wedding.  were you not invited?

     

    Post # 68
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @Guest13894:  writes “My main concern is the relationship with my future in laws as well…like I said their families are really close, so not inviting her (and singling it out like this) would be like not inviting one of their own kids, they’re that close…ugh..”

    This is where your fiance comes in. If and when the topic comes up, HE steps up and answers, not you. He says something like this to his parents, “My relationship with X isn’t that good. She is my ex, we’re not close anymore, and she tried to undermine relationship with Guest13894. I felt it was better all round if she wasn’t there.”

    Post # 69
    Member
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    It really depends on you. 

    think about how you would feel with her presence. You don’t want to ruin your mood in your special day, instead you want to be happy and thinking about only you and your future hubby. But if she doesn’t affect your mood at all, then its all right. at the end of the day if you guys are marrying is becuase there’s true love and compromise 🙂 

    Post # 70
    Member
    3580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    “My Fiance is totally OK with not inviting her”  Then you have your answer.  The only reason you were saving grace was for his benefit.  If he doesn’t care, why should you?  The ONLY reason I would have invited her is if they are still friends.  Since they are not, and you’re not the Kennedy’s looking at a political career, I would actually say that most folks would understand.

    “EX felt that I “wasn’t the right girl” for him”…”she just flat out ignores me”  Oh come ON.  Really?  I can’t believe you would even consider inviting her. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Just dont. Its never a good idea to invite an ex to your wedding.

    Post # 72
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    For the sake of your sanity, dont invite her!!

    Think about how u will feel knowing that she is in the crowd. Just dont do it. Save yourself the craziness and dont invite her.

    And frankly I wouldnt give a crap if someone was offended. Its your day and you can invite whoever you want. And dont worry if someone doesnt like it. And if they dont understand why(the parents SHOULD KNOW FOR GOODNESS SAKE), who cares.

    Post # 73
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply
    @Future Mrs K:  I think it’s kinda normal to feel weird, i’ve seen one of my exes (who i have no feelings for) with his girlfriend on the street and it feels kinda weird.

    Or maybe it’s just me o_o

     

    Anyway.

    I think you shouldn’t invite her, specially if she’s always trying to make contact with your Fiance, that would be so unconfortable

    Post # 74
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Sorry if I repeat, didn’t read all the responses. I think it isn’t wortthere backlash to not invite her. It may be viewed as petty and you will be so caught up in celebrating with the people you love that I bet you’d barely notice if she was there! Sounds like she might be in your lives for good so why ruffle feathers? 

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