(Closed) Inviting my MIL's stepkids ?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s tricky because I can see both sides here. I understand why you didn’t invite them — you barely know them and hardly see them. But I also understand why your FMIL’s husband is upset. Even though the branches of the family tree are a little twisty here, he is part of your FI’s family, and therefore, so are his kids.

Do you think they’ll attend if invited? How much extra would it cost to invite them? How many guests did you invite and how many are you hoping will attend?

It may be worth it to at least consider inviting them in order to avoid family drama. Especially because you may get some “no” RSVPs that you didn’t expect.

I know it’s tough. Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@FrenchyPeedee:  Of course not.  As the host/hostess you get to set the guest list and can leave people off for whatever reason what so ever.

Why would you invite people you do not know.  It sounds like step father in law isn’t even in contact with at least one kid.  Why should you bridge the gap, that he can’t/won’t.

 

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Gemstone:  I agree that it’s tricky. They may be adults and your Fiance may not see them this way – but technically these people are his step-siblings. I’m in agreement that no one truly has say over your guest list, but it does seem a bit off to exclude them.

Post # 7
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@FrenchyPeedee:  I agree that it’s difficult. While your wedding is primarily about you and your Fiance, don’t forget that this is an important day for the rest of your family, too. I don’t think they mean any harm…they’re just excited and want the whole family to be included.

Go into your talk with an open mind. Ultimately, it’s up to you. I would just recommend weighing whether not inviting people you don’t really know is worth the potential family heartache that comes with it. I don’t know your family or family dynamics, so this is really your call!

Post # 9
Hostess
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@FrenchyPeedee:  I don’t blame you. Dealing with family and dealing with the guest list are two of the hardest parts of wedding planning. Good luck, and keep us updated!!!

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can see where this could be a problem.  I would invite them if the MIL/SFIL are willing to contribute to the budget.  IF they aren’t just play the ….  we’ve paid for everything and we can’t swing it. 

Post # 12
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FrenchyPeedee:  

We have the exact same situation except that neither Fi or I have met the stepkids

Post # 13
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to sit down and figure out how much it would cost to invite these 3 adults (I’m assuming with a guest each, so total of 6.)

 

Then just tell stepdad he can pay that if he wants them to come….

 

 

Post # 15
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FrenchyPeedee:  I have no idea, Fi doesnt want to sice we are already over the guest list. I feel bad not inviting them since my step siblings are invited but i am very close with them, bit i dont want to go behing Fi’s back and invite them. I also dont want to ask my Fmil and make my Fiance look like the bad guy

Post # 16
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

For what it’s worth, my SO has 4 adult (like mid 30’s) step brothers that came along with his mother’s husband of 8 years. 2 of them no longer have a relationship with their father and the last time my SO saw them was at his mom and his stepfather’s wedding. The other 2 visit a few times a year. My SO asked me the other day if we should invite the 2 we see and I told him that I assumed we would. There’s no bad blood, simply unfamiliarity and I know his stepfather would really love if we included them. He agreed, but like you guys, sort of shook his head at the idea of hosting people we don’t really know. However, we may be coming from a different perspective as I am a stepparent to his son, and we really place an importance on including bonus family members.

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