(Closed) Inviting my sister's fiance's family?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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cateacherbee:  You definitely don’t have to invite them. We’re not inviting FI’s brother’s wife’s family and we have met them (at their wedding). And they certainly didn’t invite my family to their wedding (nor would I have expected them to)! If you don’t know them and don’t want to invite them, you are in no way obligated to.

Post # 3
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

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cateacherbee:  I don’t think so. You don’t know his family. Fiance and I followed the rule that there would be no one at our wedding whom neither of us have met. And the vast majority of guests we have both met.

Post # 4
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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cateacherbee:  I did not invite my sister’s husbands family. I have never met them (my sister and her husband eloped) and didn’t feel that I needed to.

Post # 5
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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cateacherbee: no faux pas if you don’t invite them. It’s entirely up to you. 

When your sister marries him, they will be your sister’s family-in-law, not yours. However, if you would like to get to know them better, foresee lots of joint holidays with his family and yours, and there’s room and budget, go for it. 

We aren’t inviting any of my siblings’ in-laws. That would add another 7 to an already full guest list, and I don’t like one of the major in-laws (she’s elitist and racist, but that’s another story for another time). I am not even inviting my brother’s girlfriend because our family is VERY close knit and we instantly accept each other’s significant others if they are in fact, significant.

So should the relationship not work out, it’s like losing a sibling. So in our family, if you come to Christmas and Thanksgiving, you get invited to weddings because it is understood that you expect to get engaged and married to this person. If you do not come to Christmas and Thanksgiving, you do not get invited to weddings.  

I know the etiquette police will be upset, but that is what my siblings and I agreed on.

Can you talk to your siblings and get their input? What do their partners think? It’s fair that if you are inviting their partners’ families, then when it’s their turn(s), it’s reasonable for you to want your in-laws to be included as well. 

Post # 6
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would invite them if the budget allowed. Whether it’s required or not its a gracious gesture. Also, over the next few years especially when your sisters future children are young, you’re going to likely see a lot of them. Unless there is a significant downside why not?

Post # 7
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If you want to, sure. I don’t think there is any obligation to invite them and definitely not a faux pas. 

Post # 8
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t invite them to the wedding if you haven’t met them. 

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

Oh honey, you are so thoughtful, but you definitely don’t have to invite them, and personally, I wouldn’t. When your sister gets married, your future brother-in-law will be part of your family, but you won’t be a part of his extended family . My sister just announced her own engagement, but I won’t be inviting his family to my wedding because I don’t feel like weddings are the best “get to know you” kind of event. You and your family will be so busy that day. That and I want my family, like my mom, to feel like she can cut loose during the reception and not have to necessarily be the hostess with the mostest and entertain new people. My sister and her Fiance have been dating since high school, and even though I know his family, I feel no obligation to invite them. Furthermore, I know little things about his family (huge substance abuse background in his family and we are having an open bar, etc) that makes it easy to say what might or might not be appropriate to a party that I’m hosting, whereas if you don’t know them, it would be hard to forsee sticky situations and troubleshoot them in advance. That’s just my two cents. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by moviegoer23.
Post # 10
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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cateacherbee:  If you choose to extend an invite, you can. However, you are under no obligation to invite them. Personally, since it’s only the 3 of them, I would. But the sister would not get a +1.

Post # 11
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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cateacherbee:  No, you definitely don’t need to invite them. If it’s just the 3 of them and maybe you get some time to interact with them beforehand, it can’t hurt. But you definitely shouldn’t be obligated to invite them. They’re really her family, not yours.

Post # 12
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You don’t need to invite them. That is so odd, I don’t know anyone who would do that, especially because you haven’t met them before!

Post # 13
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You do not have to invite them, of course it would be a nice thing to do. 

Post # 14
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know what the proper thing to do is. But I do know that when my bro and SIL were addressing their invites they requested my at the time FI’s (now DHs) parents’ address so they could be invited to their wedding. Our families has not met at this point and I found it really awkward on both accounts. Her family is 1200 miles away so we didn’t even bother inviting them to our wedding. Do what you feel is right. I can’t imagine they would be offended if they didn’t get an invite. 

Post # 15
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

My BIL’s wife’s family was not invited to our wedding. Never even considered it. We know them and they’re nice enough, I guess, but they’re not important to us so they didn’t make the cut. 

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