Post # 1
My husband has a large group of guy friends. I consider myself friends with their girlfriends and wives but we rarely do things together without the guys. That said, some of the girls in the group have known each other since high school and are very close.
Last Thursday we were out with a few couples and my friend K started asking my friend A about her bachelorette party this coming Saturday. A’s Bridesmaid or Best Man and good friend L is hosting the party. I could tell A was embarrassed when K brought it up when A remembered that L had not invited me. So A casually invited me to her own bachelorette.
I just don’t know what to do here. First, my feelings are very hurt that after years of knowing each other, L either FORGOT I was part of the group or didn’t want me there. (My husband and I have never hosted/planned a group event and NOT invited L and her husband.) Second, the bride invited me but she isn’t the one throwing the party. Third, it’s not like I can just show up without talking to L first and I’m SCARED of being completely rude, even though the bride invited me and I do think it might have genuniely been an oversight.
My husband thinks I should suck it up, e-mail L and just say, “Hey, A mentioned her bachelorette party and asked if I wanted to come and it was a little awkward because you’re the hostess. I certainly don’t want to invite myself and I totally understand if you want to keep it intimate or are planning for a certain number of people, but if there’s still room, I’d love to join in and celebrate with everyone! I totally understand whatever you decide. Thanks!”
Is that terrible?
I really need some more friends.
Post # 3
I think it would be ok to email since the bride herself invited you, so she must want you there and it’s her party!
Post # 4
I think it was probably a mistake, and the bride does want you there! The hostess is probably just frazzled and forgot – I know my Maid/Matron of Honor has a lot on her plate! Even if the host intentionally left you off the list (which I doubt), the important thing is that the BRIDE wants you there! It is her party, so if she invited you, don’t feel werid about going!
Also, your proposed email wording is perfect – no pressure, and very understanding. Send it 🙂
Post # 5
Thanks, girls! I am going to wait on the poll a little longer. If I do send the e-mail, I will also add a line apologizing for the short notice. The bride made it sound like it was going to be pretty casual, so I hope that’s the case…
Post # 6
@Utopia4us: Thats a good email……..use it!
Post # 7
I agree with everyone, the email idea sounds great and it’s well-worded. 🙂
Post # 8
Do you know where/when it’s taking place? I know you said you could not just show up, but that’s what I would do. If the bride invited me herself and I had all the information I would just show up. I think your email wording will add more drama to the situation.
As a side note I’ve read somewhere that according to etiquette it is not necessary that the bride invite the groom’s friend’s wives/girlfriends to her bachelorette party. If you are not as good of friends with the bride maybe that is the rule they followed.
Post # 9
Very good e-mail – send it off and see what happens.
Post # 10
Hey, everyone! Just wanted to give y’all an update! I did e-mail L, and within minutes I had the evite in my inbox and an e-mail from her, apologizing profusely that I hadn’t received it already. So it really was just a mistake. L is hosting/her house is home base for all the festivities, but it’s actually the bride’s sister/MOH who gave L all the e-mail addresses to send the evite to. I don’t know the brides sister at all so it would make sense she didn’t think of me and L just didn’t even think to double-check the list. Totally innocent mistake and L seems super happy that I’m coming, we even talked a bit of planning and what we’re going to wear and all that. So thanks for the encouragement, I’m really glad I contacted her and can spend some more time with these ladies sans our men in common. 🙂
And yes, I know it is not necessary to invites groom’s friends’ wives/girlfriends . . . but after over five years of hanging out with these people, I’d like to think I’m more to them than just . . . my husband’s wife. Ya know? At least that’s how I think of them!
Post # 11
I would just forget about it and not go. Doesn’t seem worth it to me…