(Closed) Inviting only a few of my aunts/uncles and hurt feelings. advice?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe just tell them that you are trying to keep it smal and can only invite people that you see on a regular basis?  Not in those exact words though.

Post # 4
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The best thing you can do is to mention the size restriction and just say that you’re keeping it to a really small number of people. If you feel comfortable with it you can also mention that you have a very small budget, these days most people can sympathize with financial issues.

There may still be some upset feelings but there is not much you can do about that, there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with your decisions. If you wanted to, you could have a low key (cheap) second celebration and invite the whole extended family, perhaps something like a pot luck at your house or a small party in the back yard. Keep it simple with no dress code, no invitations, simple food or snacks to keep the costs down.

Post # 5
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

feelings will be hurt, but you have to do what’s best for you and your wedding. spread the word about the size limit/budget. maybe you can have a party after the wedding and invite them? it could even just be a potluck at someone’s house — doesn’t have to cost much at all!

Post # 6
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

There will be always hurt feelings with weddings – even by people you havenm’t thought about!  Accept it and don’t feel bad.  What you said makes sense.  Most people understand number restrictions.  If they ask, politely explain to them it was a small wedding. 

Post # 7
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d explain about the budget and how you need to have the smaller wedding.  Everyone will understand, given the economy.  They may have some hurt feelings but I would think they would want to save the money from traveling across the country.

Post # 8
923 posts
Busy bee

Has anyone actually complained to you yet? Maybe their feelsing aren’t as hurt as you would think. I know the guilt of not inviting everyone…trust me!! I have a very large family and had to leave so many out. But in general people understand that wedding are extremely expensive.

How about you have the small intimate wedding you want. And then later in september have a big family party with all the people you couldn’t invite. It can be a reception type thing. Wear a white dress and have it at someone’s house in their backyard. Or if that isn’t doable rent out a banquet hall at a resturaunt or hotel and have something really simple and low key. It will give everyone a chance to see you both and hear about your honeymoon. If you can’t afford it this year, do it next summer. You can send wedding announcments out (you can find them for less then a dollar each on the web) to those family members not coming and at the bottom of it have reception for all family being held in summer of 2012 or something like that.

If that idea isn’t possible, I that people will just have to deal with their hurt feelings and get over it. It’s a wedding not a free-for-all. And I really think people will be more understanding then you realize. Yes their might be some hurt feelings but honestly it’s none of their business why you didn’t do a huge 200 person wedding.

Good luck.

Post # 10
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes, I think some of your aunt’s and uncles will have their feelings hurt. I was in a similar situation, as my dad has 10 brothers and sisters and my mom has 5. I have TONS of cousins and my cousins have kids. I weighed all the options (just aunts and uncles, just aunts uncles and cousins who live in the state, etc.) and ended up inviting all aunts and uncles and all cousins who are in the state (including their families). I’m not inviting cousins from another state who I never see.

I would recommend having some sort of low-budget party to at least include the aunts and uncles.

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