(Closed) Inviting only immediate family's kids? Is that ok?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@BHB0526:  Wow, 70 kids?!

You may have push back but I think it’s totally fine to just invite the children in your immediate family. If I were you, I would invite all 8 of them to be a part of the wedding party in some way. That will make your stance that much stronger. I.e. “Janie’s invited because she’s a flower girl.” it much easier to understand than “Janie’s invited because we’re closer in relation.” Not that you have to explain your invites to anyone, but if you like to avoid conflict, it may be easier on you if/when parents call to ask if the kids are invited. 

Also, I would just address your invites to the parents and include a seat number. For example ”   2   seats have been reserved in your honor.” 

Post # 5
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think it’s a problem, that’s what we are doing, but my SIL and bro are looking forward to leaving all their kids at home, and I have a bm who is giving birth 6 wks before wedding, but not even she wants to bring bub.  

I love kids, but would personally be quite irritated to be at a wedding with THAT many! lol

Post # 6
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, 70 kids?!  We’re only inviting immediate family kids and our cousin’s kids, that’s it.  I forgot the actual count, but I think we’re only going to have like 15 kids and I even thought that was a lot.  There’s no way I’d have 70 kids at my wedding, it’d be crazy!!!

Post # 7
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You can invite kids without inviting all kids. We are just doing immediate family only bc we don’t have money but if we were going to invite children we would prob do cousins and best friends, not acquaintances and coworkers children.

Post # 8
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

You’re nicer than I am. I’m not inviting any kids 😉

Post # 9
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@hidingmyface: I hear ya…no kids on my day… only my nephews are in the bridal party and leaving as soon as they have dinner… 

Post # 10
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@BHB0526:  “We also talked about addressing invitations without mentioning “and family” or the children’s names but never actually saying no kids and just hoping most people assume it means no kids…”

That’s the correct (etiquette-wise) way to do it. It’s what we did, and we didn’t have one single person assume his/her kid was invited, but if someone responds with a kid, you just have to call and explain that the invitation was only extended to those formally invited on the envelope, namely Mr. and Mrs. etc, and you cannot accommodate children outside your families. Give no reasons/excuses, because that opens up the opportunity for people to argue around those reasons… they’ll pay for the plate, the kid will sit in their lap, etc, etc.

Your choice is perfectly fine.

Post # 11
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

WOW… 70 Children out of 151 Invites… that is a high percentage !!

First and foremost, from an Etiquette point of view let me assure you there is NOTHING WRONG with setting limits / parameters for your Guest List.  You are the Hosts, so you get to decide (for sake of your sanity… try to be as consistent as possible)

Also, you cannot put NO KIDS on any of your paperwork or website.

The best you can do is to print … “Adult reception to follow” on the bottom of your Invites

You can then set your parameters as Adults & the children who participated in the Ceremony (Ring Bearer, Flower Girl, Pages, Jr Bridesmaids etc)

And an age cut off as well… no one under say 12, 14, 15, 16 or 18 are common choices.

Setting parameters by relationship is do-able but a lot more complicated (especially as there are so many kiddies in your family)

In that scenario you could go, Wedding Party Children, plus Nieces and Newphews… no cousins.

Honestly, with so many kiddies in your family I have to say that no matter what you choose to do, you are probably gonna run up against some Parents who are gonna disagree with your choice to have NO KIDS.  My best advice, is to use the ”   2   Seats are being reserved in your honour “ format for the RSVP Reply Cards… and staying strong in your vision.  Because if you are weak and open the door for one exception… you’ll have your back up against the wall before you know it… and the masses will come bursting thru !!

Hope this helps,

PS… Just so you know… if someone wants to bring their kiddies to the church ceremony… there is little you can do to control that… as churches are considered public venues open to all (that whole welcoming Christian aspect).  So it is hard to enforce a NO KIDS Ceremony… for Receptions it is easier… just address your Invites appropriately (TO the Parents, no names of kids / no “and family”) and use the numbered RSVP Reply cards as I’ve outlined above.  If you want to be really really generous, you could organize Babysitting services for the kiddies during the Reception portion of the evening… BUT at 70 kids, that could be quite an undertaking !!

 

Post # 13
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

NO Church = NO Requirement… you can set the parameters as you see fit.

Like mrsSonthebeach:  said in Reply # 9 just address your Invites in the Etiquette approved format… Mr & Mrs John Black =OR= Mr Sam Brown & Ms Eileen White… combined with the “Seats Reserved” format for RSVP Reply Cards and you should be good to go.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, yes with 70 kids it would be quite the event!

Our situation is a bit different in that many our friends/family don’t have kids.  But overall, we we invited no kids except wedding party (5 kids). Also included my best friend’s daughter (we are very close and she was travelling far to the wedding).  We had one couple say they really, really wanted to come to the wedding and wanted to make a mini vacation of it (it was about 8 hours away for them) and asked if they  could they bring their daughter, too.  We said yes in a heartbeat. 

I felt a bit bad about selectively allowing certain kids, but during my planning I saw a timely post with the advice “well, you don’t invite every adult you know, so you don’t have to invite every child you know – you make the rules”. @This Time Round: nicely explains above, that you have options as the host!

Also as @This Time Round: says, the wording of your invitation should convey that you are not inviting children, but, sometimes this is misinterpreted (as we’ve read many times here on the Bee!!) – you may have to consider whether you’ll need to touch on this this in conversations as well.  It might depend on your social circle and families (e.g. if past weddings typically included all kids, there might be that expectation??)

Good luck – it will all work out!!

Post # 15
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We are doing something similar.  If it weren’t for the fact that my FI’s family is traveling from Michigan, we would do a childless wedding.  We are ony inviting the children who are actually in the wedding party and then anyone who is travelling from out of state may bring their children.  No local kids.  We were thinking about offering sitting services for our out of town guests but my mom and wedding planner both said, in their experience, no one is willing to leave their kids with a stranger.

Post # 16
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We did that, and addressed our invites to Mr and Mrs not “the X family” and we still had guests rsvp for their child. You’ll probably have to explain the scenario more times than you’ll care to 🙂

The topic ‘Inviting only immediate family's kids? Is that ok?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors