(Closed) Inviting only SOME CO-WORKERS??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

I hope you get some responses.. I am in the same boat.. I want to invite my 2 bosses + 2 close coworkers. No idea how to approach this. Email might be a good idea!

Post # 4
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would probably be more comfortable talking to my co-workers I was going to invite personally.  And then ask them to email me or write down their addresses.  Unless there’s multiple in a cubicle?

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I work at a hotel, so have friends in every department.  I am inviting my bosses, and only those coworkers I socialize with outside of work (5).

Post # 6
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

This is my personal feeling on inviting coworkers:

Invite them ONLY if you think you’d be friends if you no longer worked at the same company. Otherwise, don’t invite them at all. Usually from what I hear, the answer to this questions is no, they wouldn’t still be friends. Usually, coworkers are simply that … coworkers.

This is REALLY tricky, and I tend to think it should be an all or nothing thing. I mean, if you truly are friends with some people outside work, invite them, but yeah, keep it on the DL. Just also keep in mind there’s a chance people will find out, and others will inexplicably be hurt. For example, our company CEO got married last summer, and invited random guys in our office to his wedding, but no one else (we work in a small office). Word got out accidentally, and some people were hurt because there was clear favortism there.

Just keep all that in mind when you make your decision ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I found myself in the same boat and only invited two people from my office. Here’s how I approached it – 

First, Miss Chapstick hit the nail on the head! I thought about who I would be friends with if I no longer worked there. I knew it would be these two because I talk to them/hang out outside of work all the time. So, in that forum (outside of the office) I talked to each individually and told them that they were going to be invited but that because of [large family, budget constraints, etc.] we were not able to really invite people from work. I think that having the personal conversation may be more effective than the email because it will alleviate the temptation for everyone to talk among themselves trying to figure out who got “the email.”

Also, just generally, by sticking to people that you are friends with outside of work as well, it will likely minimize people who may be offended because they can recognize the differences between your relationship with them and your relationship with co-workers that you are good friends with (i.e. “I heard she only invited Jack and Jill.” … co worker response: “Yea, but I’m not surprised, they hang out all the time outside of the office.”) One thing throughout wedding planning and that is that as fair and thoughtful as a bride tries to be, sometimes we will inadvertently end up letting people down. I think we would all like to be able to afford to throw a celebration where everyone we know and get along with could partake, but the reality is that the buck has to stop somewhere. As long as you draw lines where you are comfortable, think through them thoroughly, and have a logical explanation for the decisions that you have made just move forward and know that every bride goes through this ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope that this is helpful, fellow bees!

Post # 8
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve been going around asking coworkers individually for their addresses, honestly. Mostly because I see most of them every day and don’t have their email addresses. I’m only inviting about 1/6 of them, though, so I’ll be excluding more than I’m inviting.

Post # 9
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you’re only inviting a select group of your coworkers, definitely let them know that not everyone from your office is invited. Personally, I’d just tell them in person, but I think email would be fine too. Darling Husband was recently invited to a coworkers wedding, and just assumed that the rest of the group was too and said something to a coworker who wasn’t evited. D’oh! Having recently gone through all of the wedding invitation craziness ourselves, he felt especially bad about his mistake. Let them know so that this doesn’t happen to you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I sent out a save the date email, requesting addresses, to the people I wanted to invite. I said something to the effect of, you’re the only ones from work we’re inviting, so please keep it quiet (in a humorous way). That did the trick–people have been very discreet about it.

Post # 11
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I work in a small department (6 total) and invited 3 of them to my wedding.  Of course with husbands/boyfriends, that was really 6 extra.  So of the 3 couples we invited, one never RSVPed but both of them showed up, one RSVPed “yes” but only my coworker showed up (her Boyfriend or Best Friend didn’t want to come), and one RSVPed “yes” and brought her mom, who told me she wished the dad could have come. 

If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t have invited any of them.  ๐Ÿ™‚  AND I am friends with them and hang out with them outside of work at least once a week.  They talked about the wedding at work (I didn’t ever talk about it) and got people in other departments disappointed that they weren’t invited. 

We only invited 93 people, so it was a small wedding and mostly family.  Having my coworkers there really stressed me out.  Of course, my husband’s coworkers were awesome – one was a Groomsmen and one was a reader.  Haha. 

Post # 12
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I worked at a company of about 14 people. It’s a VERY cliquey, female-only office. She invited 10 of them and some past coworkers. All but two came. There were 3 people who were not invited! BUT it was clear that they were NOT friendly. If I had been her I would have JUSt invited by BFF’s, not BFF’s plus bosses and coworkers I tolerate.

Post # 14
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m having the same problem deciding how to handle this.  I work in a fairly large office and there are some people who are loaning me stuff for the wedding (my boss basically forced her veil on me, but it perfectly matches my dress!) and they don’t make the A list, if you catch my drift.  I guess my question is whether someone loaning you wedding items means you should absolutely invite them?

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