(Closed) Inviting people only to the ceremony?

posted 10 years ago in Paper
Post # 19
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Goodart…I think you could hold this whenever, probably after the honeymoon in most cases though. More convenient for you guys! In my parent’s church people aren’t typically offended. The nice thing about a church community is that it’s usually close knit so people can spread the word more easily. Just be sure you put it ‘out there’ that you really wanted everyone but logistically it just wasn’t possible.

As my mom told me recently as well, there will always be a minority group that finds something to be offended about when you get married. For this group, though, there’s no avoiding it. Most people will be understanding.

Post # 20
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Our pastor’s daughters wedding was a difficult situation like this as well.  What they did was have an open ceremony wedding, everyone was invited.  Then, they had a very small reception/receiving line at the church just cookies and punch, no speaches, cake, dancing, or anything.  Then specific people had different invites that also invited them to the reception dinner following.  It worked out fine, I don’t know anyone that was offended.  They just made it very clear that it was an open ceremony and then a private reception. 

Post # 21
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve heard of people having a coffee/cake mini-reception at the church afterwards and then having their “real” reception that evening… we went to a wedding this summer that did that. But then you run the risk of people not invited to the evening reception finding out and hurting feelings. I’ve also heard of people inviting family only to the ceremony and throwing an all out party for the reception for EVERYONE they know. But inviting to ceremony only is generally frowned upon.

Post # 22
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

IF this has been done before at their church, you could just have something put in the church bulletin along the lines of “Mr. and Ms. goodart are getting married at 2PM” since it’s a public building and they can’t exactly be blocked from attending the ceremony.  Specifically inviting them to the ceremony, but not to the reception, on the other hand, is not ok.

Post # 23
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

The “open ceremony” sounds like a good idea.  That way people aren’t really invited to one thing and not the other, it’s just that the reception is private and the ceremony isn’t.  Talk to your Future Mother-In-Law about it!

Post # 24
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Another option would be posting in the bulletin or even sending a announcement that says something along the lines of Mr X and Ms Y are getting married on xyz in a private ceremony. They’d love to celebrate their union with you on (insert later date here) And then maybe at the cake and coffee hour that you do with the church provide a slideshow of wedding pictures or something like that so every gets the feel of really being there.

Post # 25
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I really like the idea of the open announcement and the smaller punch and cake “reception” at the church AFTER the honeymoon (because it might just be SO MUCH to think about in one day).

Post # 26
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I feel like, if they aren’t good enough to actually celebrate with you.. why invite them at all.  My mom was wanting to do something like that, but I would feel so offended if someone did that to me.

Post # 27
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Once I saw a couple put on their website that they had an “open ceremony,” and invitations went out only to the ppl invited to both ceremony + reception. While this is still not quite polite, I think it was a better way of doing it.

Post # 28
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Is the ceremony at their church? If so, we did something like this… even Emily Post says it’s ok!

We only sent out invitations to people who were invited to the reception. The Sunday before the wedding, my mother and I went to church and told friends there that, although we were sorry that we hadn’t been able to invite everyone, any friend of the family was welcome at the ceremony. We asked them to spread the news to anyone who might be interested. About 10 people came to the ceremony who weren’t invited.

I think that word of mouth about an “open ceremony” is definitely the way to go… it can be a little offensive to send “ceremony only” invitations.  *But* if people ask your FH or Future Mother-In-Law about the wedding before it’s time to spread the word, they can apologize for the small guest list and say that there’s an open ceremony.

ETA: The Emily Post wedding etiquette book says that it’s ok to invite the whole church to a ceremony that takes place in the church.

Post # 29
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

my parents were recently invited to a wedding where there was a ceremony, then cake and punch, and then the REAL reception. My mom was incredibly offended. she felt like they were saying “give me presents, but we don’t want to pay for your dinner”

I know that wasn’t the case, but yes people will be easily offended

The topic ‘Inviting people only to the ceremony?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors