(Closed) Inviting people to a shower, who are not invited to the wedding….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@avanbergen1:  I would have a party that involves them, but not call it a shower. A shower is supposed to be for “showering” the bride with gifts, and I vehemently agree that it’s rude to invite someone to that, but not to a wedding. Have a second, more casual “reception” for the people you couldn’t pay to have at your wedding, and organize it exactly like a shower without calling it that. 

Post # 4
36 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

I realize this is an old post, but I had to respond as I dealt with this issue this month.  Long story short, my out of state friend wanted to throw me a party to include the critical mass of friends and sorority sisters I have that remained in that state.  I have since moved away.  MOSt of those people are NOT invited to the wedding.  As much as I love presents, I have a lot of pride.  Like the OP, I’ve read that this seems like you’re begging for gifts.  I made the host promise to indicate that I wanted NO GIFTS.  


We didn’t call it a shower (more a soiree) and had a nice time.  Guests were invited via evite — nothing formal. I still sent each guest a hand written thank you and I’m hoping I can keep these people as my friends and they aren’t offended.  We actually discussed guest lists during the party and they agreed that you just can’t invite every one.  

For my “official” shower, I only included people that were invited to the wedding.  Sigh, I’m all showered out. 🙂

Post # 5
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Showers are tricky.

My Mom said that she’s bought gifts and gone to her friends’ daughter’s showers, so now she’s inviting those friends to my shower. Maybe these hostesses are using the same logic?

Here’s my question: My coworkers decided to throw me a bridal shower at work. It was their idea, and I was genuinely shocked and delighted that they wanted to throw me a shower. the shower is this Friday.

Coworkers aren’t invited to the wedding, except for two coworkers who I consider friends and socialize with outside of work. I felt a bit uncomfortable about that, but figured that sicne the shower is their idea, it’s okay? 

Is that right?

Post # 6
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve been ripped a new one on here for having a shower (unfairly, I think) because we’re having a private, just us wedding (that everyone is aware of and is supportive of, btw).  However, my mom and best friend still wanted to throw me a shower.  Since I live out of state where the shower will be held, I thought “what a great idea to have everyone in the same room one last time before I get married?” People I’ve spoken to about the shower seem genuinely happy for me, asked where we registered even before shower invites went out and excited about our plans even though they know they aren’t invited.  We will be having receptions once we return from our wedding/honeymoon in each of our home states.


Post # 7
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@LibrarianTellsAll:  The work situation is a little different. It’s not unusual for workplaces to celebrate things like weddings and babies with showers, just as it’s not unusual for them to spend $100 on a floral arrangement for a funeral.  They are not “invited” to the shower the same way someone is invited to a shower hosted by a friend or family member. (I actaully felt a touch bad that there was a guy at my FI’s boys night who is not invited, but that was basically just a day and night of drinking at our yacht club, and he more or less just popped over to join them. I did regret we hadn’t invited him, however we had to draw the line somewhere).

I work in a very small office, so I most certainly do not expect a work shower. I wouldn’t be surprised if they pooled for a gift, and nor would I be surprised if they don’t. i really have no idea, nor expectations.


Post # 8
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SeaSalt:  Thank  you for your reponse! It makes me feel better. I admit that I’m not very well-versed on wedding etiquette as it related to the workplace: I’ve spent my entire career at this library, and in the six years that I’ve worked there, only one other person has gotten married. I don’t remember them throwing a shower for her, so I felt a little awkward.

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