(Closed) Inviting people to a shower/tea, but not the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Inviting people to a large bridal tea/shower, but not to the wedding.
    Tacky, gauche, and just plain rude! The ultimate gift grab. Wouldn't attend. : (95 votes)
    89 %
    It's okay---I would be offended, but would still attend the tea/shower. : (6 votes)
    6 %
    I have no problem with it. I would attend the tea/shower. : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m not a fan of this either. I agree that it seems a bit gift grabby in that I’m good enough to attend a shower and give you a gift, but not good enough to attend your wedding. I probably wouldn’t go.

    Post # 3
    Member
    662 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I agree with you & the PP.

    Post # 3
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I can definitely understand wanting a small wedding, but in that case you should have a small party as well. Does sort of seem like a gift grab.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yeah, no. Terribly rude. Why would I want to bring someone a gift and spend time honoring them when I’m not even going to be invited to the event. SO rude and tacky.

    Not sure what my age has to do with it, but I’m 24.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    i’m 26 and I would be offended. I wouldn’t want to waste my time and money going to celebrate someone’s special occasion when I wouldn’t be invited to the actual special occasion.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It is rude to invite people to the shower and not invite them to the wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    13015 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m 24 and I’d be incredibly offended to the point that I wouldn’t attend, and if invited to the wedding, I wouldn’t go to that either.  As your poll suggests, it’s the “ultimate gift grab” and suggests that the bride doesn’t care to spend her wedding with me, but she wants me to buy her a present. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Lorelei:  Ah, gotcha. No, I think almost everyone I know my age would agree that this is tacky and rude behaviour. Sounds like the family just wants to be able to justify their gift grab.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Im 29.

     

    If I got a shower invite, I’d assume I was invited to the wedding – so, that would be pretty uncomfortable once I found out I wasnt…

    Post # 12
    Member
    7779 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    You should never invite anyone to a shower who is not also invited to the wedding. It’s definitely gift-grabby.

    Post # 13
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think it’s rude and I’m 26. I would not attend a shower where I was not invited to the wedding. I recently had a friend from college, who I haven’t spoken to in years, send out a mass email from pictures of her wedding and a link to her registry, saying we had a small wedding and here are some pics oh and also here’s our registry information. I found it to be an attempt for more gifts. I feel like having a large shower with people who are not invited to the wedding is along the same lines…

    Post # 14
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think it’s up to whoever is hosting the shower/tea to make this call. My mom is hosting a shower for me with a lot of her friends, some of whom are invited to the wedding and some of whom are not. These are almost all people who have known me since I was little (the church ladies!) and while my mom continues to have a relationship with them, I don’t see them often.

    Mom has stuck diligently to the guest list restrictions for the wedding itself, I’m letting her use her judgment for a shower she chooses to host.

    Here at work we give showers all the time even though we know none of us are going to the coworker’s wedding, and I don’t feel there’s any resentment. It’s our way of congratulating the bride-to-be. We get a cake and everyone chips in $5-$10 bucks and we put together a basket of kitchen goodies or other smalls from her registry. It’s social and fun.

    I think it just depends on knowing your crowd. 

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