Inviting People to Shower But Not Wedding?

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it okay to invite someone to your bridal shower but not the actual wedding?
    Umm, no way. Gift grab anyone... : (89 votes)
    97 %
    Sure - why not. : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Very tacky

    Post # 3
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it’s different when co-workers throw a shower for you, but not when family does it. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1607 posts
    Bumble bee

    I can see how it might have been ok 2 generations ago, but not for this one. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee

    It has been a super long and stressful day at work. I ready this title and was like “Why is this person inviting people into a shower (like with water)… and why does them showering (like with water) corrolate to them being invited to the wedding……

     

    YEAP it has been THAT rough of a day lol

    Post # 6
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Agreed, it is very tacky and rude, and a gift grab. Pre-wedding events (showers, bachelor and bachelorette, etc) should only be people invited to the wedding! I would go against your aunt and grandmother here, and only give them the guest list of people invited to the wedding. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee

    Yeh that’s not cool and comes across a little rude and gift-grabby!!

    Post # 8
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree that you shouldn’t invite people to the shower who aren’t invited to the wedding, but I will say that sometimes older women just love going to showers.  

    I had a small destination wedding and was just having a small shower with friends, but I have known their mom’s since I was 5 and they insisted on coming.  They knew they weren’t invited to the Destination Wedding, but they were invited to a celebration party afterwards and really insisted on coming.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    791 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1995

    In our area it’s very common to have a community shower.  Everyone is invited, but most are not invited to the wedding.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    46535 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    There is no breach of etiquette when a group of women, knowing they will not be invited to the wedding, choose to host a shower in your honor. Common examples would be co-workers and church members.

    Adding people to your guestlist when you know they will not be invited to the wedding, is inappropriate.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2128 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It depends. My mom and her friends love going to showers and are always invited to showers for weddings they’re not attending. When I had mine my mum saw it as a way of including more people in the celebration sort of. I asked her to keep it to an absolute minimum, but she insisted they really WANTED to come and would be disappointed to be left out. 

    I’m not a fan of the idea though personally. And I find showers really boring so definitely wouldn’t want to be invited to one for someone I didn’t know that well/if I wasn’t invited to the wedding. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3086 posts
    Sugar bee

    Nope nope nope.

    The only time it is sort of ok would be if you had a social circle not invited that decided on their own to throw you a shower with just them regardless of invitation status to your wedding.  For example, your coworkers got together and threw a small shower during lunch break one day.  Or you belong to a church or bible study group and they wanted to do something for you during a meeting.

    Post # 13
    Member
    226 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I think it depends… my mom is helping my Maid/Matron of Honor with the shower (mainly because she has alot of people she wants invited, so she is footing the bill and helping with the extra cost a large shower requires)… There are some people she is inviting to the shower, beause they want to come, but they know they arent on the guestlist for wedding due to capacity constraints…these are moreso my moms friends than mine and they go to each others kids showers… but in general, i would say not to invite anyone not on wedding list/…

    Post # 14
    Member
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Normally Yes, gift grabby.  

    I was in an unique situation and had a shower thrown for me and no one was invited to the wedding.  My parents live out of state and my mom has a very close group of friends she plays tennis with, and I’ve met them (most) over the course of the last few years.  A few of her closest friends INSISTED on throwing me a shower.  It felt a little awkward at first to agree to for both my mom and i, but they literally would not take no for an answer.  I had to travel there for the shower so the guest list was all my moms friends.  It was lovely and so wonderful and i was extremely appreciative.  They love an excuse to throw a party!  Long story short, the answer is no, only those invited to shower should also be invited to wedding. 😂😬

    Post # 15
    Member
    1910 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’ve been invited to wedding showers and expected to get invited to the wedding… But the invitation never came lol.awkward. I felt used for a gift. That friendship didn’t last much longer.

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